PSA: Stop Being Stupid!

Today is my birthday.

Forty-seven years old.

And as someone reaching the justified "grumpy old man" status, I was met with something that made me grumpy as soon as I rolled out of bed and checked my Facebook. Although, honestly, this seems to happen more and more often lately.

It was one of these stupid Facebook posts. Maybe you've seen this one floating around.

I cropped out the owner of this account to save a little embarrassment

Here it is in text form in case you can't see the picture well.

I wondered where everybody had been!
This is good to know: It's ridiculous to have 200 friends and only 25 are allowed to see my post.
I ignored this post earlier, but It WORKS!! I have a whole new news feed. I’m seeing posts from people I haven’t seen in years.
Here’s how to bypass the system FB now has in place that limits posts on your news feed.
Their new algorithm chooses the same few people - about 25 - who will read your posts. Therefore,
Hold your finger down anywhere in this post and "copy" will pop up. Click "copy". Then go your page, start a new post and put your finger anywhere in the blank field. "Paste" will pop up and click paste.
This will bypass the system.
If you are reading this message, do me a favor and leave me a quick comment...a "hello," a sticker, whatever you want, so you will appear in my newsfeed! It WORKS!!

Please bring back my friend

I have been seeing this all over Facebook for the last weeks. I hadn't seen it for a few days, but it was back again this morning and now I have high cholesterol. It's time to speak up. Let's stop being stupid!

Before I get started here, if you are one of the people who has shared this status, let me take the time to personally apolog…nope. Nope. Nope. I can't do it. You should have known better. And this isn't about computer savvy. Pay attention.

Let me try to help some of you out there and maybe we can stop this lunacy.

Basically, this post states that the algorithm Facebook uses keeps you from seeing all the posts of your friends (or your friends from seeing you - there's a bit of discrepancy in the language used here).  There is some truth to this statement. Facebook does mess with your timeline a little. I understand that can be frustrating and wanting to fix it. This post claims to be the way to do so.

It is the people who actually believe the claims of this post who baffle me. Once again, no apology. Get a helmet.

Let's break this down a few sentences at a time.

I wondered where everybody had been!
This is good to know: It's ridiculous to have 200 friends and only 25 are allowed to see my post.
I ignored this post earlier, but It WORKS!! I have a whole new news feed. I’m seeing posts from people I haven’t seen in years.

The first thing that caught my attention was this claim that it works.

How do you know that it works? If you are just posting this on your page for the first time, you cannot honestly claim that it works. You have not seen the results yet. In fact, while you are pasting it in, you haven't even hit SEND yet and you are still telling all of your friends that this works when you actually have no idea or even the thinnest shred of evidence. That makes you a liar.

That may seem like harsh language, but it is what it is. Liar. How does it feel to have your britches constantly on fire?

I wondered where everybody had been!
This is good to know: It's ridiculous to have 200 friends and only 25 are allowed to see my post.
I ignored this post earlier, but It WORKS!! I have a whole new news feed. I’m seeing posts from people I haven’t seen in years.

For this section, let's look at the discrepancy in what this thing actually claims to do. The first bold statement claims that some people aren't able to see your post. However, the second bold statement uses language stating that you are not seeing other people's posts. Which is it? Is the problem with how you see your own wall restricting you from seeing other people or with how your posts go out to others and keeps them from seeing yours?

And if you think I'm being picky here, the writer mixes them up again a little further down.

Here’s how to bypass the system FB now has in place that limits posts on your news feed.
Their new algorithm chooses the same few people - about 25 - who will read your posts. Therefore,

Once again, does this algorithm limit what you see or limit what posts of yours your friends can see. These are not the same thing. Even if this thing did work (SPOILER ALERT: it doesn't), it would not fix both your's and your friends' walls.  The original author of this post couldn't even decide which lie he wanted to tell. But for some reason, many of you are willing to help him anyway.

Now, let's look at the most incredible part of this entire thing.

Hold your finger down anywhere in this post and "copy" will pop up. Click "copy". Then go your page, start a new post and put your finger anywhere in the blank field. "Paste" will pop up and click paste.
This will bypass the system.

The instructions direct you to copy this status and then paste it into your feed. And like a good sheep, many people did just as they were told. That is what is supposed to fix it. Let's look at this claim.

By the time you have done this and hit SEND, all you have really done is put up a Facebook status. Something you have done hundreds of times. You did not change any settings. You did not reset your account. You did not bypass the system (what system?). You did not rewrite any algorithm. You have done nothing but post a status. How, in the name of Sofía Vergara, could anyone possibly have believed that posting something on their wall would change their account settings.

Probably the same people who think sharing or liking a status will save a random baby who has cancer. 

I pointed this idiocy out to someone the other day and they told me I was wrong. He said I missed a key part of the message, but I said that I only missed that he was one of the idiots. He pointed out that the message asked the people who see it to leave a comment to get them added to the new list of people who will get to see their stuff (or you'll get to see their stuff - still some confusion there) in order for it to work.

Here is what he was talking about.

If you are reading this message, do me a favor and leave me a quick comment...a "hello," a sticker, whatever you want, so you will appear in my newsfeed! It WORKS!!

This is the same as the problem I pointed out above. How does someone leaving a comment approve them to be part of your feed in any different way than if they were leaving a comment before? In the end, you are still just posting a status and they are leaving a comment.

NOTHING DIFFERENT  OR SPECIAL  OR MAGICAL
HAS HAPPENED HERE!

…other than you are getting laughed at by the person who originally wrote this post to see how many people would fall for it.

STOP IT!

The only way to see certain people in your newsfeed more often is to be sure your settings are arranged the way you want them and interact with people on Facebook. Facebook does give precedence to the people you interact with more. But a one-time status, comment or like will have ZERO effect.

The people who believe and post this stuff are probably the same people who post the status claiming that Facebook has no legal right to the pictures they uploaded there. Despite the fact that using Facebook required agreeing to Zuckerberg's TERMS AND CONDITIONS (an actual legal document).

So, everyone, for the sake my happiness, don't be stupid. AND if you see someone else being stupid, please say something. They need to know…and be publicly shamed if you can arrange it.

2013 Goals

By 2013 Goals I don't mean 2,013 different goals. I am referring to goals for the year 2013. You may have figured that out on your own, but I just wanted to make it clear.

I don't generally make resolutions and I am not about to now. However, I do have some things in mind that I would like to accomplish in the upcoming year. Setting goals for yourself is not the same thing as making resolutions. Resolutions usually involve trying to improve yourself in some way. Since I wouldn't even begin to know where to start with that, I will let it slide. Plus, admitting any type of fault that needs to be worked on might cause Red to see a flaw in me that she is not aware of at this moment and I am going to try to maintain this perfect image she has of me for as long as possible.

Once again, resolutions involve making some sort of personal improvement. A goal is something you would like to accomplish and I do have a few of those in mind.

• My first class in the TESOL graduate program just started yesterday. I intend to never receive any grades lower than a 97% for the entire program. You can believe I will keep you posted, especially every time I meet that goal in a new class.
• Last year (2012) was a wonderful year. A large part of that was due to meeting Red. I know we have not given many updates lately, but things are going beautifully. I am making it a personal goal to make this year the best year she has ever had.
• In August 2011, I created The List. It is my list of things to accomplish before I die. Of the 150+ items I have on that list, I have only marked off one in the 17 months since I first posted it. This year, I will average at least one list item per month for a total of twelve or more before the end of the year.
• I want to maintain a steady blogging schedule. 120 posts for the year would break down to 2.3076923 posts per week. That's one post every 3.04167 days. Why does this have to be so complicated?
• I will read fifty books this year. This is close to one a week. It is not a lofty goal, but with me being in school, it should keep me reading things other than just my textbooks.

On a side note and totally unrelated to anything else so far, I have a request. Today, January 4th is my daughter Kirsten's birthday. She will be 17 and is very excited to be old enough to go to rated R movies on her own.

Sometimes, I think I should do my homework.. but I also sometimes think I should do crystal meth, but then I think... ehh, better not.
— Kirstey Minor (@KirsteyDahl) December 17, 2012

After you leave this page would you take the time to leave her a birthday wish either on her Twitter feed @KirsteyDahl or her Facebook Wall (Kirsten Minor). If you would like to make it extra special, include a picture of a windmill. She loves windmills. The bigger the windmill the better. Any picture of a windmill will work, but I included a few here if you would like to use them.

Actually, she doesn't really love windmills. She is scared of them for some reason. So if you think I am being cruel, just send her a Happy Birthday message. On the other hand, if you don't mind torturing teenagers, then send her a windmill also. Either way, she will be thrilled to get a bunch of messages coming her way from people she doesn't know. Since she doesn't read my blog, she won't know where this is coming from.


Happy Birthday, Kirsten!!!

Have a great year everyone.

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

Today is my birthday and the deluge of  happy birthday wishes has been in full force since I got out of bed. Facebook really makes you feel loved.

At my age, not much hoopla is made about my birthday. I'm at that age in the middle of my life where surviving another year has no real significance. In a few more decades, people may start to make it a big deal again. Probably because they will be surprised I made it to the next one.

All my ice cubes are deadly now.
Thank you, Bexstar.

My first Facebook birthday greeting came from the other side of the world. Becky Delport of I'm Just a Girl, the same woman who recently sent me brass knuckles and ice cube trays to make bullet shaped ice, wished me a happy birthday at 5 last night. I felt extra special until I realized that New Zealand is 17 hours ahead of us. Becky got the Facebook notification already, but it doesn't matter. Becky is awesome and I might just add meeting her to my Bucket List. Kirsten and I have wanted to go to New Zealand for a long time (Kirsten wants to move there) and having a local to show us around is always the way to go. Plus, her last blog post was about wanting people to come see her. I think she meant women to hang out with, but I'll ignore that part.

Monday, I got a card from Misty's Laws. Not an e-card, but an actual greeting card in the mail. Once I got past the initial "how did she get my address" moment, I opened it to discover this.

INSIDE:
Kinda makes you wish I hadn't opened it in the store, huh?
Happy Birthday

Misty found my Awards Fairy! I think this picture must be from earlier in his career. When I met him, he was much heavier and had less hair. Plus, I've never seen him smile.

Right before going to bed last night, I got an awesome gift. I dropped by Dude Write to check out the latest post and found that I was the recipient of the Diamond Man Card this week. This card is awarded to the post which gets the most votes from the readers. I got this for my September 13 post Call Me Maybe.

Also last night, since my daughter is working now, she took me out for dinner to Cracker Barrel. She told me as soon as she got out of school that she wanted to go to Cracker Barrel. I mumbled something about being poor and having homework and she said, "You're birthday is tomorrow and I'm buying." Well, that changes everything. We had a great time.

Shameless self-promotion

It is still morning and I don't know what the rest of the day holds, but it's looking good. If any of you are feeling guilty and now feel like you need to get a gift, I know exactly what I want. Click this link to head over to Amazon and purchase ALL CRACKED UP for your Kindle or Kindle Cloud Reader. It's only $2.99 and is filled with funny stories from various bloggers around the blogosphere. I am one of them.

I knew I could work that plug in somehow.

2,087 Weeks Ago...

I turned 40 years old today.

40       Forty

Does it look more ominous as the number or spelled out? I haven't decided yet. What does this number mean? Does it mean anything? Forty is one of those ages that just seems old. At least, it used to. I don't feel forty, but then I guess I really don't know what forty is supposed to feel like. Logically, the way I feel right now is what forty feels like. It feels pretty much the same as it did yesterday. So, if you want to know, forty feels the same as thirty-nine.

To be honest, it really doesn't bother me that I am now forty. It is just a number. Technically, I am one day older today than I was yesterday. Yesterday, I was one day older than the day before. Every day, I get one day older. It is a much easier frame of time to consider. It is rather difficult to make plans for a year at a time, but I can usually tell you what I will be doing tomorrow. So, using this frame of reference, I am 14,610 days old. Plus, since I actually quit counting after about 7,500, I just don't get that excited about it anymore. Once I hit 30,000 days, I will probably be excited to see a new day start. I may even be surprised, but for now, it is just another day.

He Lived to See Adulthood

My son turns 19 years old today and that means I am getting old, but this post is not about me.  This post is about him regardless of how he may feel about it.  I generally do not ask my kids permission to do things.  My daughter says that is why I am not allowed to go to her school: EVER!!!

Christian turned three about two months after I started dating his mother.  In the beginning, we did not get along.  Christian had never had to share his mother before and he did not like me invading his space.  I honestly cannot say that I was much of a fan of him either.  Sometimes he drew blood protecting his territory.  I would sit down next to his mother and he would scratch me.

He also had a problem with controlling his saliva.  He drooled so much his shirt was always soaked.  He puked several times a day and destroyed every room he walked into.  The relationship between him and myself was becoming a major issue, but it changed in one night.

Lower right

Christina had to go to work and I was going to be left with him alone for the first time.  To be quite honest, I was not looking forward to it and Christian was not at all happy to see his mother leave.  We watched her drive off and looked at each other with disdain.  As we were heading back to the house, I noticed that our aluminum can bag was overflowing.  Aluminum was the one thing I would recycle.  Once the bag would fill, I would crush all the cans and put them into another bag until it was full and then take that bag in to cash it out.  It takes a long time to crush a trash bag full of cans, so I had found a faster and much more entertaining way to crush them.  I would use the lawn mower.

I would dump the cans in the grass and ride over them again and again until they were all flat.  I know it sounds juvenile, but I enjoyed it and they were my cans.  I can do it however I want.  So, I grabbed the bag to dump it in the yard and it immediately ripped spilling the cans all over the stairs.  I started throwing the cans in the middle of the yard to get them away from the house so they could be more easily reached with the riding mower.  Christian came and started throwing the cans around as well.  He did not know why we were doing it, but he was having great fun throwing cans around the yard.

Once they were all over the front yard I got the lawn mower out.  Christian wanted to ride on it also, so I lifted him up onto my lap.  He had never sat in my lap before.  He immediately grabbed the steering wheel so he could drive and I let him.  Once he figured it out he steered all the way from the barn to the cans.  He had the biggest smile on his face I had ever seen.  The drool pool was building quickly because his mouth was wide open.

Since we had a big, wide-open yard there was little danger of him running into things, so  I put the mower in a low gear and hopped off, letting him have complete control of the machine.  Now, he was the coolest person on earth.  I instructed him to drive around the yard crushing the cans while I picked them up.  He was more than happy to comply.  He was having a blast being a big man.

Christmas was always fun

It took about half an hour to get all the cans crushed and picked up.  I told him to drive the mower back to the barn, but had to meet him there because he did not know how to make it stop.  He held his head high as we walked back to the house.  We went inside, ate ice cream and then kicked a football around the yard.  After that, we were buddies.  When his mother came home that night our differences were gone.

Mr Character at the bottom

Christian still had a talent for testing my limits, but we liked each other after that.  Part of the thrill of our relationship was me letting him do things no one else would.  We rode four-wheelers, played with snakes, blew stuff up and rolled in mud.  We would dress up in crazy outfits to pick his mother up from work.  We would butt each other in the head until someone gave up.  It was usually me; that boy had a head of granite.  When he got a little bit older, we liked to get dropped off miles away from home and then have to figure out how to get back without a vehicle.

Our adventures did not stop as he got older.  We always found ways to get in trouble together.  One summer, we broke into a neighbor’s house and decorated it for Christmas, tree and all.  While living in Lincoln, we got into a neighbor’s apartment to steal all their light bulbs (including the one in the refrigerator).  We once got into a fight at a club and we have played mind games with people on the streets of Chicago, Cleveland, San Juan and Kansas City. 

Closest thing he had ever seen to a stripper.  He got the money in the thong part right.

I raised him well.  The boy has no shame and is willing to pull any stunt that can be thought up.  He now plays lead guitar in a Christian death metal band and lives for the crowd.  I miss him.  We used to have a lot of fun together and I am sure we will still get into our share of mischief together, just not as often.

I am moving back to Mount Vernon in a couple of weeks and look forward to us hanging out again.  Other people may not want to be around us at the time, but we will enjoy ourselves.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRISTIAN.
I love you.