Let's Make Another One

About five years ago, I moved to Indianapolis. It was not a terrible distance away from my hometown, my kids, and my friends, but it was far enough away that going home was a big enough undertaking that I didn't do it very often. Once every few months was enough.

After about my third trip back "home" I began to notice something.

Every time I was about to make a trip back to Mt. Vernon, IL, I would start getting excited about what people I was hoping to visit with, what restaurants I would eat at, and the fun things I would do. However, the trip was often disappointing because people wouldn't be available to hang out, some of the key people I was hoping to see at church that weekend weren't there, or one of my favorite restaurants closed. It just wasn't the same.

Despite having only been gone about a year, I could never recreate some of the memories I had of being there.

My wife had a similar experience when we went to visit the city that she had lived in for 12 years of her adult life. We were in Lewes, DE and were having trouble meeting up with people who had been a huge part of her life for over a decade. Connections were missed and even some of the reunions that were accomplished were disappointing for her. For her, like it was for me, it just wasn't the same.

Nostalgia is like that.

Those great memories of a place are just that. They are memories. They cannot be recreated. You have changed and the place you left behind has changed. Plus, every person you left behind did not just freeze themselves in time waiting for you to come visit. Their lives have all continued moving and changing. You weren't there for it. That does not mean you can never go back to your hometown or alma mater and have a good time, but it definitely means that you should change your expectations. You cannot recreate the past. Plus, you need to recognize that much of that thing you are looking back at has been greatly romanticized in your head over the years.

Those great nights of laughing with your friends were surrounded by days of doing laundry, paying bills, and racing to work. But we tend to forget those parts because they are not worth remembering. It wasn't just awesome all the time.

However, here's the great part about those great memories. They DID happen. They are wonderful memories and it is fun to sit and remember those good times…especially when it can be done with other people who were there.

Those good memories are not ruined because you go home one day and it's just not the same. The original events still took place. Your subsequent visit home did not change that. Your memories are great. Cherish them.

This may be a little hard to accept sometimes, but it is something that most of us fundamentally accept to be true. We may not like it, but we accept it.

But let's make one little change and people lose their minds.

To illustrate, let's try a little experiment. Let's revisit this idea, but this time instead of talking about your REAL life and REAL events that happened with REAL people, we talk about an old movie or TV show. Suddenly, people are unwilling to shrug their shoulders and say "Oh well, I guess you can never go home again."

No. Instead, they freak out.

"Why would you mess with perfection?"
"What are they thinking. They're just going to ruin it."
"Hollywood is attempting to destroy all of our childhoods!"
"This will destroy the franchise."

Do you remember the fury and outrage people felt over the all-female reboot of Ghostbusters?

 
All of these statements I gave above were made about this movie. And I've got news for all of you.

The original 1994 Ghostbusters movie still exists and has not changed IN ANY WAY from what it was before the 2016 remake was released.

Now, I am not defending the quality of the remake in any way. Maybe you hated it and that fine. Maybe you enjoyed it and that's fine too. But it has no bearing on the original. If you liked the original and hated the remake, my guess is that you still like the original. So, what's the big deal?

And let me remind you, this is outrage over something that is fake. Movies are make-believe. It's a story someone made up.

The same things have been said about other movie remakes:

Footloose 
The Magnificent Seven 
The Longest Yard
True Grit
Point Break
Carrie
Total Recall
King Kong
Bad News Bears
Death Race
The Fly
The Italian Job

All of these same things have been said about these movies. However, in the end, the audience either preferred the original or the remake or appreciated both. The idea that no one should ever touch an old movie is ridiculous.

But logic and common sense are thrown out the window as soon as someone considers redoing an old tv show also.

Your day is ruined because
they are remaking MacGyver?

Even if you were a hugely devoted fan of the old show (Magnum, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Will & Grace, the Muppets, X-Files, Twin Peaks, Full House, Roseanne, Queer Eye, Murphy Brown, etc.), how does them bringing the show back for a reboot or sequel or anything else hurt you or your memories of the show you are already a huge fan of.

Maybe the new show will be great and you will have a new set of memories and entertainment you can add to something you already love. GREAT!

Or maybe it will suck. In that case, (pay attention here) you don't have to watch it and it still hasn't affected how much you like the old show.

To illustrate the idiocy of this bad attitude, let's try applying it to another area of life.

Let's say that your grandmother made the most amazing apple pies. They were to die for. The whole family just drooled over them and couldn't wait for holidays when she would make them. Unfortunately, grandma is no longer with us and her apple pies died with her.

However, one day you are at the store and run into one of grandma's old friends and you are sharing a few memories of her and the apple pies are mentioned. The friend says, "She and I used the same recipe. There's several of us that use it. I'll send you a copy."

The following holiday, you walk in beaming and exclaim that you found gradma's apple pie recipe and made several of those special pies for the occasion. What would be your reaction if you heard these statements from your family?

• You did what? Why would you mess with perfection?
• I hope you didn't screw it up and ruin her old pies for everyone.
• Why don't we just leave the past in the past?
• Are you trying to ruin my childhood?
• What didn't you just try to make something original instead of copying what's already been done?

Those would be considered apalling statements and would never be said. The family would be excited to get to eat a piece of this pie. And if it turns out that it still wasn't as good as grandma's, the memory of her pies are still there and her pies were not hurt just because someone today tried to recreate it and failed. But if you actually were able to get it right, then they get the joy of eating and enjoying those pies once again.

These are easily recognized as ludicrous statements and are no less ludicrous when said about a piece of entertainment. Why would a writer/producer/movie studio not want to create a show that already has a previously established fan base.

But there's no way they can recreate
Tom Selleck's magnificent moustache.

There is no rule of etiquette that says you have to like everything that is created for the screen. Let's grow up and move on.

U - Uppity

My wife and I are both doing this challenge and for S she wrote about snobbery and the few things that she believes she is a bit snobbish about. Her top two were coffee and grammar.

A few days ago we were out walking and we tried to think about what I am snobbish (uppity) about. The first few she mentioned, I didn't agree with. Liking things a certain way (steaks) or a particular type of something (Harleys) just means you know what you like. I think you can even be picky without being snobbish. But she did mention one I couldn't argue away.

Story.

Whether in a TV show, a book or a movie, I demand a cohesive storyline. I have a tendency to pick plots apart. I've always done this. As a kid, I used to count how many times the boom mike dipped into view in a movie. (It happens over two dozen times in the 80's movie 9 to 5.) I cringe when a computer tech character makes a computer do something that computers can't do or uses nonsense lingo because the writers didn't take the time to look up the proper term. I find it difficult to believe in a character when he makes choices that may further the plot, but are inconsistent with his character.

I've always had this tendency, but it has grown much worse in the last couple of years. I have been working on a novel and have been reading tons of books on character and plot development, creating dialogue, world-building, and setting a scene. I read these books to help me hone my skills, but it has also helped me to see the faults in other writing much more clearly.

This doesn't mean that I think I am better than these other writers, but the inconsistencies and plotholes I see are often so glaring that I can't even enjoy the movie or book. I do feel pretty snobbish about it.

Now, I just need to learn to keep these thoughts to myself because I am not sure that they are appreciated.

Actually, I'm pretty sure they're not appreciated.

S - Separate

Living on the other side of the world has its difficulties, but a person can grow accustomed to almost anything. After a while, it just becomes your life. However, things happen now and then to remind you that you are very far away. My grandmother died earlier this month and there was no way I could get home. It was alright. I didn't need to go home, but it made me reflect on how difficult it would be if I needed to make a last minute trip.

If one of my kids (now adults) got grievously injured, how quickly could I get there?

I warned both my kids when I left the country that if either of them ever decides to get married, they better give me sufficient notice. That's not something I would want to miss.

In addition to important family events, there are all the small things that we just miss out on:

• The latest thing Trump said or did
• Major news events (school shootings, political scandals, celebrity gossip, etc)
• Newest hit TV shows or movies
• The latest book everyone is reading

Not being up-to-date on these things is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I don't even miss it or realize that I've missed something significant. It's not until I'm talking from someone back home and they'll start to mention the new law that went into effect that has everyone up in arms and I have no idea what they are talking about.

Last month, my brother mentioned a piece of new information that had come about concerning one of the mass shootings and I wasn't even aware that it had happened.

When I first got here, I made a point to keep up with the news, but to really know what is going on when you aren't constantly being bombarded with it all the time by television, radio, internet, and work conversations, it's a real chore to keep up with. Plus, I had this entirely new culture that I needed to start learning about and figuring out. It didn't take long before I started paying attention to the news over here because there were things that were much more pertinent to my current situation.

Unless it's your job, it's very difficult to be up on what is going on all over the world all the time. Years ago, a group of us had gone out to eat after a late-night work meeting and we were all sitting around joking when one of the group said something that caused us all to roar with laughter. Except for one guy.

He had a big smile on his face, but said: "I don't get it."

Now, I don't remember the joke specifically, but it made a vague reference to the Wizard of Oz. This is a movie that is so ingrained in our culture, that any reference to flying monkeys, a house falling on a witch, the Yellow Brick Road, ruby slippers, or Munchkins should be immediately understood. The problem with this man understanding the joke was that he was from Turkey and had only lived in the States for about six years. This movie was not part of his cultural heritage and no amount of explaining what had just been said would help him to see why it was funny.

Similar situations happen in our house now and then. I married a woman who spent a lot of years overseas as a kid. In fact, a large portion of the 80's (my decade), she was absent for. Much of the music, movies and major news events of that time that people my age all have vivid memories of, she never experienced. And, now and then, a conversation will happen which showcases that hole in her American cultural experience.

One day, we will be back in the States. I have no idea how far in the future that day will be, but I do know that we will be quite ignorant of everything that has happened in America from 2016 up to that day. If we end living near you, please be understanding when you mention the latest episode of that great show you love and we just stare at you blankly. Not only have we not watched it, but we may not even know what you're talking about.

Maybe Society Should Have a Warning Label

Every now and then, something happens in America and I get to hold my smug head high and say "Not me, I don't live there." I may be from the States, but I've been safely on the other side of the world in China for the last 18 months. Therefore, I will accept no responsibility for the events that have prompted some of the recent headlines.

Tide Pod Challenge 

First, let's not even get into how stupid someone has to be to think that eating soap would be a good idea. For generations, parents washed kids' mouths out with soap as a punishment. Now, the kids are doing it willingly. There are plenty of jokes already written about this and a ton of memes. You've already seen everything floating around social media and can look them up for yourself if you wish.

Stop discouraging people from eating Tide Pods. It won't work. The whole reason the world's in the mess it's in goes back to the very first people being told NOT to eat something.

— Minor Character (@brettminor) January 23, 2018

People (especially young people whose brains haven't fully developed yet) doing stupid things is not really surprising. Still stupid. Feel free to shame them all you like (I know I do). But not surprising. A huge percentage of the world's population are idiots and always will be. What surprises me is the reactions that people have to the stupid trends.

Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, Pinterest, Google and other sites started getting pressure to remove all videos featuring idiots eating Tide Pods. Some sites even started giving 'strikes' to people who uploaded content showing people eating Tide Pods. Some people have even suggested holding these companies liable for even having the videos. Click here for an article explaining it all.

Tide even hastily threw together a video to stop people from ingesting their non-food product.

What should Tide PODs be used for? DOING LAUNDRY. Nothing else.

Eating a Tide POD is a BAD IDEA, and we asked our friend @robgronkowski to help explain. pic.twitter.com/0JnFdhnsWZ

— Tide (@tide) January 12, 2018

I find it pathetic that pressure was put on them to have to say anything at all to the idiots who are well aware of what they are doing, but I respect the attitude that Tide took with their public service announcement.

They have been active in getting information out there about not eating laundry detergent and have helped to get internet videos removed, but they have stated that they will not change the appearance of their product. To read the article, click here. To summarize their stance: Stupid people are stupid people and we cannot change that. You're lucky we are even acknowledging these idiots. There's already a warning label on the box. That should be enough.

And I couldn't agree more.

It bothers me that pressure is being put on anyone to do something about this. No one is to blame for any idiot older than a toddler purposefully chewing on a Tide Pod. Not a website, not the manufacturer, not another person who did it, no one other than the person who made this choice. That person is a moron and YouTube cannot be blamed for that.

YouYube also has videos showing how to grow a garden, fix your car, ace an interview, etc. If you just have to do something you saw on the internet, have an honor student help you choose a better video.

---

Next topic, Crock-Pot Mania

SPOILER ALERT: If you are a watcher of the hit TV show This is Us and are not familiar with the big plot-twist that happened earlier this week, do not continue. You have been warned.

Now, I do not watch This is Us. I am not really even sure what it is about, but it is in the news this week because they killed off one of the main characters. Jack Pearson, the "world's greatest dad" dies in a house fire that was started by a crock pot.

Now, other than entertainment news, this doesn't seem like much of a news story. However, it has grown into something more. This sometimes happens when people are stupid. If you haven't noticed, this is the theme I am running with.

People all over the country are looking at their crock pots with suspicion and wondering if they are safe to have in their homes. It has gotten so bad that both the writers of the show and crock pot companies have had to issue statements explaining the safety of these devices.

Apparently, many of the fans of this show don't realize that this crockpot was a fictional item that was 20 years old and had a faulty switch that "had to be fiddled with a little" to get it to work. Emphasis on the word fictional. This was a literary device used to produce the outcome the writers were going for. They could have used an electric knife, a dishwasher, just faulty wiring, or had him stumble down the stairs and break his neck. That's it. But…as with the Tide Pod Challenge, people are stupid. Now, they're scared of their slow cookers. I don't even know what to say.

Maybe we could learn a lesson from Mexico where even their drug lords are more trustworthy.

Good. Nothing to worry about. If there's anything I know about international drug lords, it's that they're impeccably honest. pic.twitter.com/ZyvbgHN3Xa

— Minor Character (@brettminor) January 26, 2018

V is for Virility

As a participant in the A to Z Blogging Challenge, I will be making my way through the alphabet all month.

---

Last night, after work, I was plopped in front of my television, enjoying some Hot Pockets and sweet tea, but was mostly focused on my Kindle. Despite my attention to the various games I had to choose from, something said on the television caught my ear.

Please keep in mind, this will only be a loose paraphrase of what was said, since I wasn't really paying attention. It was just the last line that made me say, "WHAT?!?"

A commercial was playing for a men's sexual health clinic in St. Louis. The ad focused primarily on erectile dysfunction. It stated all the usual things these commercials always claim.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"It happens to every man at one point or another."

"It doesn't mean you aren't a man."

I didn't catch it all, but near the end it said something to the effect of this, "Maybe you have tried Viagra or Cialis and they weren't effective. Therefore, you may be skeptical about what we can do for you. To address your concerns, you can try our system in our office before paying a penny to see if it works."

This is the part where I looked up and said, "WHAT?!?"

Try it out in the office? What exactly does that mean? Had I been paying attention, I would have called their number just to get the answer to this question. I can see so many possible scenarios.

What exactly is the nature of their treatment and what does it mean to "try it out in the office"? If it involves another person to really try it out, do they provide the person or do you have to bring one from home?

Do they provide a private room after giving you the treatment or must the results be observed by a trained medical professional?

Do they lay you naked on a table, give you the treatment, and the medical staff stands around you with measuring tape to monitor and record the results?

Or is it more discreet? Maybe they give you a pill and stand you in a corner, so you can give a thumbs up to indicate when you are up.

I have so many questions. One day, I may be in need of these services and I just want to be prepared.

I also want to know if Obamacare will cover this.

Am I Under Arrest?

Not quite as powerful as Walt's "Tread Lightly"
line last week, but it was good stuff.

If you are a fan of the show Breaking Bad, then you completely understand the title of this post. I have not been a fan of Skyler White ever since the very first episode, but she was awesome in this scene.

 Don't worry - there will be no spoilers here.

Anyone who watches the show knows that this is the final season and it has been intense.

Now, I am a huge fan of the show, but apparently my enthusiasm isn't anywhere near the intensity of the fans in Connecticut. Last Sunday, right before Breaking Bad was about to start, cable service was interrupted along the Connecticut coastline. The town of Franklin went particularly insane. The police station was inundated with phone calls. One lady called 911 and few households even called their senator to get their service restored. It got so bad that the police department issued a warning to the public on their Facebook page reminding them that a lack of television service does not constitute an emergency or concern the police in any way. Stop calling the station. It's not like this is HBO.

A few years ago, a Florida woman was arrested for calling 911 three times when her local McDonald's ran out of McNuggets. Her arrest was deserved, but it's not that surprising when an individual does something stupid. This thing in Connecticut involved a whole town. The whole town lost their freaking minds. What in the world is going through your mind to cause you to call your senator (Let me repeat that. They called their senator.) simply because you are worried you might miss a television show?

Oh! Look at those eyes!
I must have one of those drinks.

I love my TV, but I don't even call the cable company until it has been out for at least a couple of hours. This makes me suspect that there just isn't much going on in Franklin. To further prove my point, two days later, the neighboring town of Shelton (only 16 miles down the road) makes the news when a shop owner is injured while trying to stop the theft of two life-size cut outs of David Hasselhoff.

We may never know if the people there are huge fans of the Hoff or if this is just an extremely uneventful region of the East Coast, but I can definitely relate to having nothing to do. The town I live in is not exactly a bustling center of cultural activity. Despite having over 15,000 people, not a lot happens here. Check out this front page headline from one of the local papers last month.

All the news that fit to print.

Keep in mind, this is a front page story. FRONT PAGE! This is the July 13, 2013 edition of the Mt. Vernon Register News reporting on the possible new windows for the local National Guard armory. For those of you that don't remember what was happening a month ago, this was the same day that

• Edward Snowden requested asylum from Russia. 
• The George Zimmerman trial went to Jury. 
• Janet Napolitano (Homeland Security Secretary) resigned.
• The Asiana Airline crashed and a passenger was run over by a rescue truck.
• Millions of dollars were donated to the families of Sandy Hook victims

 With all that was going on in the world, our paper decided to remind us that nothing was happening here.

Once again...FRONT PAGE!  

WINDOW REPLACEMENT CONSIDERED. 

It just doesn't get better than that.

I think I'm ready to graduate and move away.

I Want Hard Facts

I think I need CANDY CRUSH rehab

I just finished another class last week and have a week off before I start another one next week. This means I have the time to breathe for another few days. This week, I have taken advantage of this freedom by watching television and playing Candy Crush Saga on my Android for hours on end.

I like the bright colors.

Today, after work, I was plopped in front of my television, enjoying some pizza rolls and sweet tea, but was mostly focused on my clever double Color Bomb combos. Despite my attention to the sugar coated music emanating from my phone, something said on the television caught my ear.

Please keep in mind, this will only be a loose paraphrase of what was said, since I wasn't really paying attention. It was just the last line that made me say, "WHAT?!?"

A commercial was playing for a men's sexual health clinic in St. Louis. The ad focused primarily on erectile dysfunction. It stated all the usual things these commercials always claim.

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"It happens to every man at one point or another."

"It doesn't mean you aren't a man."

I didn't catch it all, but near the end it said something to the effect of this, "Maybe you have tried Viagra or Cialis and they weren't effective. Therefore, you may be skeptical about what we can do for you. To address your concerns, you can try our system in our office before paying a penny to see if it works."

This is the part where I looked up and said, "WHAT?!?"

Try it out in the office? What exactly does that mean? Had I been paying attention, I would have called their number just to get the answer to this question. I can see so many possible scenarios.

What exactly is the nature of their treatment and what does it mean to "try it out in the office"? If it involves another person to really try it out, do they provide the person or do you have to bring one from home?

Do they provide a private room after giving you the treatment or must the results be observed by a trained medical professional?

Do they lay you naked on a table, give you the treatment, and the medical staff stands around you with measuring tape to monitor and record the results?

Or is it more discreet? Maybe they give you a pill and stand you in a corner, so you can give a thumbs up to indicate when you are up.

I have so many questions. One day, I may be in need of these services and I just want to be prepared.

I also want to know if Obamacare will cover this.

HONEY BOO BOO is a SURVIVOR on the JERSEY SHORE

This post is in response to the Finish the Sentence Friday prompt from the blog Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine. Every week, Kate offers the first half of a sentence and gives bloggers the opportunity to finish the thought.

This week's sentence:

When it comes to reality TV shows, I...

---

When it comes to reality TV shows, I have to say, "I just don't get it."

 

I am not saying anything against the people who watch these shows and I will not try to make the claim that I have never watched any of them. I did watch the first season of Survivor and I watched one season of American Idol. It was the year that Jordin Sparks won and Blake Lewis did an incredible rendition of Bon Jovi's You Give Love a Bad Name, but I vowed never to do that again. I enjoyed it, but it was on four nights a week! It took up too much of my time.

I won't go as far as to say that they are all part of what many call trash TV (although some of them definitely are), but I really don't understand their popularity. Especially when so many of them are obviously staged. Even if we had never learned of the reshoots and intentional situations created on Survivor, some of these shows are just ridiculous.

The very idea that we are expected to believe that filming the day of a tow truck driver/repo man should be entertaining would already be insulting enough. However, the creators of Lizard Lick Towing decided to insult their potential audience even more by depicting every collection as a possible life or death situation.

I am sure that most repo men have a few good stories, but these guys get into a fist fight in almost every episode. In the show, they have had their windows shot out by deer hunters, been assaulted by a naked man, and even had to fight off a ninja. That's right…A NINJA!!! You don't see that every day and I think there is a reason for it. Ninjas aren't just running around on the streets and when they are around, they like to stay in the shadows. They don't just jump in front of the camera for a nationally syndicated show.

Some shows make sense. COPS has been running since March 1989 and will be showing its 850^th episode this season. Following police officers around to see what their day is like…I get it. The same for the copycat shows Alaska State Troopers and Border Wars, but do we really need a show about process servers and meter maids? I have seen both of these.

Other professions just don't need their own show. There are shows about lumberjacks, truck drivers, bounty hunters, babysitters, funeral home directors, pawn shop owners, house flippers, costume designers, bar owners, auto mechanics, lifeguards, tattoo artists, and many others. I'm just waiting to see a show about the trials and tribulations of pizza delivery drivers or office temps. To really get some ratings, someone need to do a reality show about a reality show production crew. Can you imagine the hardships they have to endure as they put up with some of these reality stars?

Sometimes a show is really well made and gets a decent audience. American Pickers has a large following without creating any crazy antics to drive ratings. Deadliest Catch has kept its integrity by just showing the lives of people in that profession without scripting. However, the most popular shows seem to be of a different genre. This is where the 'trash TV' comes in.

HOARDERS
I have actually helped clean out houses in this condition

The American audience seems to get a kick out of watching the dysfunction of other people. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. The stars of the Jersey Shore are fully aware of the laughing stock that they are, but they are making a lot of money and thousands of people tune in every week. The same goes for the cast of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, any of the Housewives of…shows, MTV's Real World type shows and Mob Wives. If you want a real look at dysfunction to help you feel superior to someone else try out shows like My Strange Addiction or Hoarders (I actually enjoy this one. It's disgusting, but I can't look away).

These shows are everywhere and take up a huge percentage of television programming today. They even have their own channel (TruTV). They are so popular, I don't think they're going anywhere for a while. Maybe I could petition TLC to do a reality show about bloggers and make a little money.

From Barbara's Belly Button to Janet's Boob

Back in August 29, 2011, I asked my readers for suggestions of things to write about. I have since covered almost every topic that was suggested to me. However, I didn't do them all. I was not too worried about this, but one of my friends has been hassling me ever since then as to why I still haven't written on his topic. In fact, he brought it up again today.

My persistent complainer has been Adam Elliott. He had asked me to write about the change in television content over the years. I blew him off again explaining that I would have to do too much reading before writing the post, but decided to tackle it tonight anyway.

Before we go any further, I want to make it clear that I greatly enjoy television. I don't watch a lot of it anymore because I just don't have the time, but I love Dexter, True Blood, The Walking Dead, and Sons of Anarchy when I do watch. Knowing this, hopefully as I start talking about this topic, I won't be considered a prude or sound self-righteous.

When television first came out in the 40's it was mainly used as a propaganda tool to get people to buy war bonds, telecast boxing matches and broadcast the news. Even the news was mainly a recap of the front page newspaper headlines. You didn't discover anything new on television that you couldn't read in that morning's paper. There was no discussion of the dangers of television content for almost twenty years, because there was nothing serious on television to discuss.

Technically, the Flinstones beat them
by 2 years, but that was a cartoon.

Today, it has been almost 10 years (2004) since Janet Jackson boobed us live during the Super Bowl halftime show. Forty years before that (1964), the most controversial and talked about thing on television was the show Bewitched, because for the first time a married couple was depicted as sharing the same bed. In fact, the only reason they were able to get away showing Darin and Samantha in such a suggestive position was because Samantha was a witch. Since she was not human and the show already openly displayed witchcraft, they thought they could get away with it because she was not considered to be human.

Despite that huge leap, the following year I Dream of Jeannie debuts on television and the network decided that her showing her belly button would be too racy. In every episode, they either filled her navel with putty or had her wear a skin colored covering over it.

It was during this period (mid-60's) that the head of the FCC called television "wasteland TV," because it had become a bunch of silly nonsense. What had once been envisioned as a way of better bringing information to people was now showing The Beverly Hillbillies, The Munsters, The Addams Family, Bewitched, I Dream of Jeannie, My Mother the Car,  Green Acres, and Gilligan's Island. As entertaining as they might have been, they were in no way depictions of the real world. For the first time, television was recognized as being an escape.

By the time day time talk shows came around, they focused on bringing the audiences attention to an issue or offering assistance (sometimes useful counseling) to their guests. Today, these shows are to do DNA tests to discover which of the dozen men someone has slept with might be the baby daddy or to celebrate some other family's unbelievable dysfunction. If the family is messed up enough, they might be given their own reality show.

If you call yourself a 'family' channel,
should you really play this show?

Without even turning to cable, I can see more sex, drug use, and violence in one night of prime time programming than was on TV for an entire year when they started pushing the boundaries in the 1960's. Plus, now there is so much more to choose from. Then there were only three networks. Today, there are six plus literally hundreds of cable channels. Some of those channels, it is to be expected. However, when ABC Family puts a disclaimer before a show stating that it may have questionable material, I have to wonder why they use the name they do. I guess giving the warning gets them off the hook rather than just choosing 100% family suitable programming as their name suggests.

In 1951, I Love Lucy was almost cancelled before it even started because when it came time to film the pilot Lucille Ball was pregnant. The producers decided to go on with the show, but always keep her condition hidden from the camera. Years later, when she was carrying Desi, Jr. the network decided to incorporate her pregnancy into the show, but still forbid the use of the word 'pregnant.' Today, you can see outright sex acts on prime time network television. We are not shown full blown nudity, but very little is left to the imagination.

In 1967, the first curse word was used on television. Captain Kirk said, "Let's get the hell out of here" on Star Trek. Today, cursing is so common ABC has had two shows with the word 'bitch' in their titles.

• GCB - This stood for Good Christian Bitches, which they later changed to Good Christian Belles when it wasn't well received. Only a couple of episodes made it on screen. It was cancelled May 11, 2012.
• Don't Trust the B---- in Apt. 23 - The 'B' stands for bitch. This one is still on the air today in its second season.

Although, I do not curse myself, I don't squirm at the sound of curse words. I love a good horror movie and watch television that would have given June Cleaver a cardiac arrest to learn the Beaver was watching, but I do recognize that a steady diet of this stuff is probably not good for my brain. There is definitely even more to consider when it comes to what children watch. I am not an advocate for saying that watching a violent show or playing a violent video game will cause someone to use a hatchet on the neighbor's cat or go shoot up the local mall, but I do believe that it is really naive to think that a steady diet of this stuff has absolutely no effect.

Whether you have a problem with this evolution or not, the original point of my post was just to point out the changes. They have occurred and things have changed. Considering how far things have gone, we are left with the question that many have started asking.

Since so much is allowed and we show more and more all the time, should the FCC even be regulating or censoring television any more?

I would love to hear your thoughts.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Last night was the event I have been waiting on for months. Let me rephrase that. I would love to see Red since it's been 6 weeks since we have even been in the same time zone, but last night was the next best thing. The new season of Sons of Anarchy started last night. I love this show.

My nightly phone call to Red had to take place a little earlier than most nights since the show would be on during our usual talking time. Red decided she would watch it also, so we could text during the commercials (we can't help it, we're in love). I mentioned that she would be completely lost. There is four years of backstory, but she didn't mind.

I can't do that. Any show I'm watching, I have seen from the beginning. From the very first episode. I cannot jump into a show in the middle. It bothers me. I mean really bothers me. I feel like I'm missing something and it keeps me from enjoying it. For example, the show Friends lasted 10 years. For seven of those years, Ross would occasionally scream, "We were on a break!" Only people who had been watching since season three got the full appreciation of that statement. Sure, they could have it explained to them, but it's just not the same. Red insists that I am being ridiculous, but I think this is one area where she just doesn't understand me. Luckily, she loves my quirks.

I love the show Big Bang Theory, but haven't seen it in almost two years. There was a period during one of our moves when we didn't have cable, so I got behind. I watched it up to the season four finale when Penny wakes up in bed with Raj, but haven't seen an episode since. I just can't watch them out of sequence. I can watch the reruns on TBS, but I won't watch season five or six until I get them on DVD.

I think this stems from my hatred for spoilers. I cannot stand to know anything that is going to happen later in a movie or TV show. The writer's and directors put a lot of thought into creating a mood and deciding how to reveal something to the audience. Learning it early takes the pleasure out of it.

This is why I am very reluctant to watch a movie with someone that has already seen it. Most people aren't very good at keeping their mouths shut. There aren't many people that are rude enough to just tell you the ending (although, I have met those people), but most seem to have to give some sort of commentary.

Years ago I was watching a movie when a friend came over to borrow something.

Seeing what I was watching:
BOB: Ooh! I love this movie.
ME: Don't say anything. I don't want you to give anything away.
BOB: Don't worry. I hate when people do that, but watch this part right here. What just happened is very important for later.
ME: (clicking TV off) Seriously?
BOB: (confused) What? What'd I say?

In that short phrase, he had just given away the end of the movie. He had pointed out the little clue that was meant to be referred back to later in the movie. I didn't have to wonder at that point because he pointed it out. The entire mystery of the movie was gone.

My mother is one of the worst. (← I love you, Mom.) I will not watch a movie with her that she has seen, especially if she really liked the movie. Every few minutes she exclaims, "Watch this part right here. This is good!" or "Pay attention here. You really don't want to miss this part." Not only am I already looking at the screen when she says this, but I am tuned into the movie. I don't need to be told to watch it, I am watching it. Plus, she blurts out the surprises seconds before they are revealed. She doesn't do it on purpose. She just gets excited.

As the camera begins to pan the room, you can see the feet of the killer. The music begins to pound as the camera slowly moves it way up his body. After 90 minutes of trying to figure out who the killer is my mom, unable to contain herself any longer, blurts out, "IT WAS JEREMY!!!"

Now they were about to show us the killer in a few seconds anyway, but the pleasure of watching a movie is not in knowing the identity of the bad guy, but in the way the story is told. There was a reason they were slowly panning across the room. It was to build anticipation.

Seconds after this scene,
she was eating Tarantino's face

I go to great extremes to know as little as possible about shows or movies I will be watching. If I see a movie trailer that looks interesting, I put it in my phone to add to my Netflix queue and then avoid seeing any other trailers for it. I don't want to learn any additional details. The less you know, the better the movie is. I don't even read the movie descriptions on the Netflix DVD's that I don't remember. If it showed up, then I apparently wanted to see it. Do you have any idea how great it was to watch From Dusk 'til Dawn not knowing that it was a vampire movie? There was no warning. It blew me away. Had I known that ahead of time, I would not have enjoyed it as much. I would still have enjoyed Selma Hayek in her little outfit, but the surprise at the end of the runway was awesome.

When it comes to TV shows I have to be especially careful. I don't watch commercials and even have to be careful what magazines I pick up. Since I watch very few shows when they are actually on, I am typically a few seasons behind. I didn't start watching Dexter until it was three seasons in. I was catching up on DVD and opened a magazine in a doctor's office where I was met with a picture of Dexter standing over the casket of his girlfriend in season four. Great! Rita dies! I did NOT want to know that.

Sons of Anarchy is one of the few shows that I watch as it is on. I'm watching the current season and have watched from the first night it was on, so there is not much chance of spoilers. However, I occasionally miss an episode and have to wait a few days for it to come to OnDemand. When that happens with a popular show, it gets difficult to stay in the dark about the contents of the episode.

Last year, one of the deputies walked into dispatch and asked me if I watched Sons of Anarchy. I told him I loved that show and he got all excited and said, "Can you believe they killed Piney last night?!" I tried to not show the seething hatred for him on my face as I told him I had not seen last night's episode yet. He quickly apologized and then proceeded to tell me the rest of the plot line.

I once read that watching TV burns less calories than sleeping. If that is true, then why is it so much work?

This Is Why My Body Is Falling Apart Today

Tonight, my daughter told me she needed my help with a school assignment. Being the incredible, uber-cool dad and spectacular all-around person that I am, I was more than happy to assist. She told me to have a seat and pulled out a notebook. She then reminded me that I had once told her I wanted to be a stuntman when I grew up. This is true and I would have been awesome.

I was the oldest of three boys living in the country. My mother has lots of entertaining stories about the horrors that we put her through. We weren't bad kids; we just loved adventure and the more dangerous the activity, the bigger the thrill. I have blogged about some of these adventures before. Living where we did, we had access to motorcycles, tractors, barn lofts, train tracks and all sorts of things to climb on. We were always climbing and jumping and pushing things a little bit further than most kids.

The crazy things we were doing were difficult enough for my mother to handle, but in 1981 things got much worse (or more fun, depending on how you look at it). That was the year The Fall Guy premiered on ABC.

The Fall Guy starred Lee Majors (3 years after $6 Million Man) as a top Hollywood stuntman who got caught up in all sorts of crazy capers. In addition to foiling crimes and hanging out with beautiful women, he did spectacular stunts for movies in every episode. He would jump off buildings, crash cars, get set on fire and tons of other cool stuff I couldn't wait to try out. Add this show to the fact that I had already been watching Bo and Luke speeding along in the General Lee on The Dukes of Hazzard for 2 years and I was hooked. When my dad rented Burt Reynold's stuntman movie Hooper that same year, there was no stopping me.

YEE-HAW!!!

As the oldest, my younger brothers followed along, which I didn't mind because when one of us got hurt, it was quite handy to have someone available to run and get Mom. Luckily, the injuries were rarely serious. I will cover some of the more grievous injuries in a future post. We had always been daring, but now it was time to actually do things that most people would get injured doing. Before the dream of being a stuntman, I would climb to the top of the barn and stand on the peak just for the fear in my mother's eyes thrill. After I knew what my future had in store for me, I would jump off. Of course, I had to build up to that.

We started jumping off the pig barns. One of the barns was about 6 feet tall on one end and a little over 10 feet on the other. We jumped off the low end until we felt that we had the roll technique down and would move our way up to higher and higher parts of the roof. We eventually graduated to the roof of our house and even started jumping out the second story windows of our bedrooms.

Once we were old enough to drive, we practiced getting hit by cars. We started with cars that sat lower to the ground so we could roll over the hood easier. When we decided we had it down to our satisfaction, we would take the hit at 5 mph faster. We increased the speed higher and higher until we knew we could really freak people out by getting run down in a public place (which we did whenever we saw the opportunity).

One day after school, I was taking my friend John home and as we drove around the corner of the building, he said, "Hey, isn't that your brother, Trevor?" I looked, agreed that it was him and hit the gas. I sped across the parking lot and hit him with the passenger corner of my bumper. His legs got swept up, he went over the hood and his back crashed into my windshield. I locked up the brakes and he slid off the front in a heap.

John was freaking out while I got the subtle nod from Trevor that he was okay. As John was trying to help him up, I was screaming about the damage to my broken windshield. I kicked Trevor, drug John back into the car and sped off. The reaction we got from John was worth the months of practice and cost of a new windshield.

As I am telling story after story, my daughter was writing as fast as she could. By this time, her friend Taylor had shown up at our house and she interjected to question the truth to some of the stories, but Kirsten assured her that she had heard them before from both my brothers and our mother. They were true.

Fire Stunt Tip: Diesel burns slower
than gasoline, but it is much hotter.

Taylor made the comment that her dad would never tell her some of the stories I had just shared, even if they were true. It then occurred to me that she had a point. I wasn't just telling old stories of my younger days, I was talking to my daughter, who I am supposed to protect. I had just told her about how we would set each other on fire and run for the nearest body of water. She now knows that we hopped moving trains and jumped from car to car. I told her how we rode our bicycles off the roofs of houses and climbed underneath moving vehicles. These are not the kinds of stories my kids need to hear.

It is rather difficult to tell my daughter that she shouldn't drive her car up steep embankments (just to see how far it can go before it flips), when I had just told her how much fun it was. I had not been paying attention as I told my stories and forgot who my audience was, but now that I was aware of the situation I changed gears.

Me: "If you even think about doing any of the things I just talked about, you will never leave this house again!"

Kirsten: "Oh, don't worry about that, Dad. I am much smarter than you."

Another Way to Waste My Time

I finished my final class for the semester last week. I now have one semester of Master's level work behind me and I have discovered that work at this level is not really harder than Bachelor's degree work, . . . but there is a lot more of it. My professor, apparently, does not believe in grades. I have this class a week behind me and have still not seen a grade from the first week of class. I have no idea where I stand. I believe I did well, but have no way to prove it or really have any confidence at all.

Since I have finished the class, I find myself with much more free time. My schedule at the Sheriff's office is set for the next month so I can't get any more hours there to take up time and being the end of the semester I am not getting many calls to substitute teach. Therefore, I am home all day.

My Christmas shopping is done, the house is clean, I don't like people enough to want to go out and see anyone and it is getting too cold to leave the house anyway. Shaving only uses up about 10 minutes and can only be done once a day. Trimming your toenails can take up more time, but once they're done, they require no more maintenance for a few weeks. I have reached a point where I do not know what to do with myself.

I am currently working my way through
season four of Prison Break

A few days ago, I pulled out an old video game I hadn't played in a while and spent the day with my XBOX. I had fun. Especially since I have gotten XBOX LIVE since the last time I really played any games. I use it mostly for access to Netflix instant streaming. I don't watch a lot of movies on it, but there are so many old TV shows that I missed when they were on, it can easily burn some hours. However, you can only watch so much television. I decided that I could spend some of my time over the break playing video games, so I went to my brother's house to try to con some video games from his sons.

I asked if I could borrow every game they are not currently playing and they happily handed them over. To my surprise, there was no need to make a deal or try to trick them. That must mean I have some endearing qualities. Or maybe I was the recipient of their Christmas charity. I haven't decided yet, but I've been playing those games for the last week. They have been an entertaining way to pass the time, until Saturday.

That afternoon, after enduring an office Christmas party, I came home and fired up the XBOX. As the screens were loading, I noticed a new symbol on the right panel. It was the YouTube logo. I downloaded the free app and fired it up. YouTube videos are now accessible from the XBOX. How cool is that? I spent the next several hours pulling up some of my favorite videos and searching for a few new ones. This has since become a problem. I can't seem to get enough. This is one of the videos I have been wasting my time with.

I have spent literally days watching old skits from the Muppet Show, SCTV, Saturday Night Live and Whitest Kids You Know. I have pulled up old cartoons to show Kirsten. Some of the ones from last night include: Grape Ape, Speed Buggy, Ricochet Rabbit, Captain Caveman and Superchicken. We have watched music videos, videos our friends have made, sang along with Biz Markie and observed an alien autopsy. I have watched 'how-to' videos on how to escape a bear attack, how to throw your voice and how to safely build a self-detonating door knob bomb. ANYTHING you want is at your fingertips.

Many of you may be thinking, "YouTube has been around for years. What's the big deal?" Let me try to explain.

It's now on my TV!!!

These useless videos are no longer hidden in the recesses of the Internet on my computer in the back room. They are in my living room. I cannot get away from them. How many different electric guitar renditions of Beethoven's 5th Symphony do I need to see? Practical jokes, nut shots, cute animals, BMX wipeouts, UFO sightings, impossible basketball shots, llamas with hats, magic tricks, vaudeville, karaoke and any other event that has ever been captured on camera is there. Every time I turn on my television from this point on, I will be faced with the reality that I can watch literally anything I can think of. I will no longer have to scan through the channels to see what is on, because everything is on. Ten years ago, I would have thought this was awesome. Now that it's a reality, it's a sensory overload. Yet, I can't look away, I can't go to bed and I can only answer the door to show someone a video of the latest bum fight.

It's a little depressing, but I have come to grips with the knowledge that I will one day die surrounded by potato chip bags in front of my TV. When the paramedics arrive, they will take their time removing me so they can finish the episode of Fraggle Rock playing on the television.

Today's Secret Word is ... WAR!!!

I have learned something about myself. I am going to do what I want, pretty much when I want to do it. Last August (click here), I committed to posting a blog a week and a couple of weeks later (click here) I up it to two posts per week. If you follow my blog regularly, then you know that I have only posted twice since September. That is one post per month for the last two months.

I could tell you how busy I have been working two jobs, being a graduate student, trying to get a new business off the ground and being a single father of a teenage girl, but I don't like to make excuses. I have actually done a lot of writing lately, but it has been for college papers and is not something most of you would want to read. When I have free time during the day, I usually find myself at my buddy Adam's house watching him play XBOX 360 and helping him find the shortcuts as he plays Need for Speed, or decoding the ancient vaults in Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. Since Adam is handicapped, he doesn't get out much and he starts making weeping phone calls when he gets bored, so I go to his house at least once every day.

I say all this to simply state, it doesn't matter what I promise in this blog, I will probably end up doing what I want. With that stated, here is something I promise to do (but don't take it too seriously). In August, I asked my readers to suggest future blog topics. I received several suggestions and do intend to cover them all. You can read the suggestions by clicking here and scrolling down to the comment section. My brother suggested that I write about who would win in a fight between Mr. Rogers and Pee Wee Herman. I will be tackling this topic today. I was excited to start researching this since they each had illustrious careers as military snipers before going into show business.

 Years ago, a girl told me that the reason Mr. Rogers wore those sweaters all time was to cover the tattoos on his arms he had acquired during his military service. He was ashamed of the things he had done in Vietnam and the people he had killed during his service and kept them covered. A kid from my church that was enlisting in the Marines wanted to be a sniper. He was told by his recruiter that the top sniper ever to come out of the Marines was the famous Mr. Rogers. The sniper with the third highest marks ever was Paul Ruebens, known to his fans as Pee Wee Herman. It turns out that both of these men were to be feared at one point in their lives, so Kyle had chosen two men who actually knew several ways to kill a man. They were chosen because of their innocent demeanor, but using their pasts could make a great blog. In order to make the best comparison, I researched both their lives to get the best idea of who did what. This would help me determine who would win.

As I began my research, I discovered that many children's television stars had a military background. In fact, many of them were highly decorated and had unusually high numbers of enemy kills. Captain Kangaroo was especially vicious. Don Knotts, best known for playing Deputy Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show, was someone not to be messed with in his military days. However, as I dug further, I discovered something else they all had in common. IT WAS ALL LIES!!!

None of these stories are true. In reality, Don Knotts was in the military, but he was not a drill instructor at Parris Island, like the rumors say. At 19, he joined the Army, where his duties consisted primarily of entertaining the troops in traveling GI variety shows called "Stars and Gripes". Rumors that Bob "Captain Kangaroo" Keeshan fought beside Lee Marvin in Iwo Jima during World War II are also false. Lee Marvin was there, but Keeshan did not enlist until two weeks after we pulled out of Iwo Jima. He never saw any action. Where do these rumors come from?

Won't you be my neighbor?

Many people may not want to hear that the gentle, soft-spoken Mr. Rogers was exactly what he appeared to be, but he was. Born in 1928, he spent most of his childhood living with his grandparents. He saw television for the first time at his parents' home when he was in college. It left such a negative and lasting impression on him that he became dedicated to changing it. He attended a seminary after college, became an ordained Presbyterian minister and started immediately working in television. Rogers was an advocate for family-friendly programming and even testified before the Senate to try to clean up television. He was also a staunch supporter of the VCR. When most studios were trying to get them outlawed, he testified that many channels showed childrens' programming at times when children were not available to watch it. With the new technology, they could tape it and watch it together as a family at a later time.

The sweaters were intentional, but had nothing to do with covering tattoos. Sweaters and sweater vests were the clothes worn by figures of authority in the seventies. Teachers, ministers and others dressed that way and that was the image he was trying to express. Even though, Mr. Rogers bored me to death even as a child, he was a good man who didn't think like the rest of us and wanted to change the world for the better.

Today's secret word is CREEPY!

Paul Reubens (a.k.a. Pee Wee Herman) left for Hollywood immediately after high school to become a star. Practically living on the streets, he hooked up with a comedy troupe called the 'Groundlings.' In 1977 the group did a skit where they created characters one might see in a comedy club. Reubens character was one that everyone immediately knew would never make it as a comic. He couldn't remember punchlines or get his cues in the right order. Pee Wee Herman was 'born' that night. His distinctive guttural "Ha Ha" followed by a low "Heh Heh Heh" became his catch phrase. As well as, "I know you are, but what am I?" The rest is show biz history. At no point did the military fit in there.

This leaves me with the problem of now having to size these men up and decide who would win in a fight knowing that neither of them has probably ever been in one. Lets start with their physical attributes. I think Rogers has the weight advantage, is taller and has a longer reach. Pee Wee Herman is kind of petite. However, I can picture him being much better at the 'duck and weave.' He may be able to get close, get in a few shots and get back out before the slow-moving Rogers even gets his hands up. However, I think Rogers could take a punch much  better than Pee Wee. If Pee Wee gets tagged it may be over.

Look at all the dead puppet BODIES!!!

Fighting is not just about strength and agility. It also involves attitude and in some cases a little bit of crazy can get you a long way. Mr. Rogers spent half of his time in a Land of Make Believe, a world that didn't exist, but he liked to go to from time to time. For a child, that is having a creative imagination. For a middle aged man, it is disturbing. Rogers' world had a king named Friday, Queen Sara Saturday and a retarded prince named Tuesday. Amidst these puppets whose mouths didn't move was the occasional costumed person named Purple Panda, Bob Dog or Bob Troll. It even had a talking owl, known simply as "X." Was the owl a spy? Why the secret identity? There were lots of creepy little secrets in Rogers' imaginary world. On Purple Panda's planet, the citizens are forbidden to sit in rocking chairs. Prince Tuesday went to school in the Land of Someplace-Else with a neighboring tiger. What kind of kingdom doesn't even have it's own school? Your head is a creepy place, Fred Rogers!

MORPHEUS!!! What are you doing?

Pee Wee Herman lives in a fantasy world as well, but he passes it off as real. In his world, his house is alive, the furniture talks and he can climb into his television to go for an adventure.  Like Rogers, he has many guests to his home, but instead of the mailman or a teacher visiting, he has cowboys, the King of Cartoons and Captain Carl dropping in. The creepy factor of Pee Wee's Playhouse is higher than Mr. Roger's Land of Make Believe. While children might make a wish on a falling star or a four-leafed clover, Pee Wee makes wishes over a head he keeps in a box. Pee Wee has a robot servant named Conky and somehow forced Lawrence Fishburne into a child's cowboy costume. That's the creepiest one yet.

MEKA-LEKA-HI MEKA-HINEY-HO!!!

Mr. Rogers took on a government agency (FCC) almost single-handed and he won. That makes him pretty tough. However, Pee Wee has a criminal record, and based upon the nature of his charges, I would say he is probably better in dark places and at hand-to-hand combat. Rogers' on screen appearances after his show were mostly talk shows, but Pee Wee appeared two years after the cancellation of Playhouse as the vampire Amilyn in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, he was a super-hero in the movie Mystery Men, and he has appeared on Wrestlemania and WWF Raw.

Look at this guy. Would you want to fight him?

After weighing all the options and looking at the stats, I have to give it to the one who lived on the streets in California, and can make children everywhere scream by only uttering a single word. It's not even the same word each time. He just tells them what will cause them to scream and it does. Pee Wee Herman would mop the floor with Mr. Rogers. It would be no contest.