K is for Kale

As a participant in the A to Z Blogging Challenge, I will be making my way through the alphabet all month.

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Kale is disgusting!

I know that most of you probably agree with me. For those of you who don't, there's no need to jump into my comment section to tell me how if I just fixed it right, I would like it better. Any food that requires lots of work or special preparation to remove the taste of burnt crap should just get used to the fact that I will choose something else. It's just not worth it. When I buy a pizza, it's ready to go. Cook it and eat it. Put extra cheese on it if you want, but you don't have to. Cheese does nothing to improve kale.

Now, I am not against healthy food. I don't turn my nose up at vegetables. I'm happy to eat fish to get my Omega fatty acids. I can eat chicken, fruit, nuts, vegetables, grains, breads and legumes. I'm more than happy to eat any of this even though it would probably not be my first choice. I do tend to gravitate more toward nachos, pizza, bacon cheeseburgers and loaded waffles. However, there is healthy food and then there's health food.

Healthy food involves making smarter food choices. Choosing leaner meats over fattier meats. Being sure to eat green vegetables to get your iron and vitamins. Plenty of fruit for even more vitamins. Oily fish is great for getting those healthy fats. We also cannot overlook the importance of grains and a healthy amount of certain dairy. I very rarely don't always do as well as I should, but I can get behind this.

However, health food people too often go to extremes. Kale is an example of an unnecessary sacrifice to the enjoyment of food. Hopefully, the kale fad (and it is a fad) will die off soon and we won't have to keep hearing about it. When I was in high school, oat bran was all the rage. There was oat bran everything and it all tasted like week-old cardboard. It even crept into our breakfast cereal. About 10 years ago, everyone was eating kelp. KELP! Kelp is basically seaweed and while it may have some nutritional value, there are dozens of other foods that have the same nutrition that are significantly cheaper and (here's the best part) taste much better! And no one has to risk drowning in order to harvest it.

I'm not saying any of these foods should not be eaten. More power to the people who want to try to choke this stuff down. I just don't want the practitioners of these "miracle" foods to force them on me. I've had enough of the kale, kelp, flax seed, oat bran, quinoa, chia seed, apple cider vinegar, bean sprout, tofu, cannabis oil, alfalfa, wheat grass, spirulina and chlorella advocates who keep telling me that I'm killing myself if I eat a white potato.

"You know that just turns to sugar in your stomach"

"MAYBE I LIKE FREAKIN' SUGAR! NOW STEP OUT OF THE WAY, YOU'RE BLOCKING THE COCOA PUFFS!"

Sexiest People Alive

This month, ESQUIRE magazine declared Mila Kunis to be the "Sexiest Woman Alive."

While I have to agree that Mila is a very attractive woman, I don't know how this is determined since I don't remember voting or even being asked my opinion on the matter. Of course, they may have considered me biased since I have a rather strong predilection toward a certain redhead.

On the flip side, earlier this week, PEOPLE magazine claimed that Channing Tatum is the "Sexiest Man Alive."

Once again, my opinion was not sought out in this matter, and I have to admit that I just don't see it. Also, I was not asked for a face shot so the people who decided this could compare all the people alive to make this determination.

While I will admit that 'sexy' is a relative term that will be applied to different people for a variety of reasons, the fact remains that there are a lot of incredibly attractive people who are outside of Hollywood. However, they will not get the recognition they deserve simply because they have not been in a movie covered in layers of make up and filmed at the most beneficial angles after spending hours with their personal trainers.

I challenge my readers to pull their eyes away from the Hollywood spotlight for a moment to take a look at what the 'real' people of this country have been up to this week.

Never mind. I retract my original statement.

Everything is Bigger in Texas (and Your Thirties)

Christmas is over and all that wonderfully fattening food that everyone stuffs down their throats for six weeks has been hidden away and now it is time to get that weight back off.  People are more than aware of the extra weight that gets put on during the holidays and only a very few are disciplined enough to not succumb to the crazed, borderline diabetes-flirting tendencies that go hand in hand with celebrating the birth of the Savior of the world.  I have overheard scores of conversations at work about the weight that now has to be worked off.  This is definitely the busiest time of year for the entire weight-loss industry.  There is no shortage of ways you can lose weight and there are plenty of supposedly “fun” ways to do it.  Past and current video examples include: Sweatin’ to the Oldies, Hip-Hop Cardio, Stripper Aerobics, Belly Dance Fitness, Cardio Salsa, Official Dirty Dancing Workout and many others.

Myself, like many others, have gained a few (dozen?) pounds over these festive holidays.  However, I may have started a bit earlier.  I noticed a few months ago how tight my jeans were starting to get.  I just haven’t taken any action yet.  However, that changed last night when Facebook informed me I had been tagged in a photo.

Waltonville High School Prom - 1988

This photo was taken in May of 1988 before the four of us went to the Waltonville Prom.  The couple on the right is Jeff Caudle and Stephanie (Allison) Maines.  Jeff was my best friend and dated Stephanie for a couple of years in high school.  Susan Wagner is the girl in pink who agreed to accompany me to the prom.  I still don’t know why she agreed, but was happy she did.  The dork on the left is me, still in shock that a pretty girl would agree to be seen with me.  Jennifer Ann Kabat is not in this picture.  There is no reason to expect that she would be, but she wanted to be mentioned in my next blog.

I have Stephanie to thank for this photo.  Apparently, it was uploaded about 18 months ago, but I never saw it until she tagged me in it last night prompting Facebook to inform me of its presence.  After the fleeting moment of nostalgia these old pictures often create, I began to be increasingly aware of my present physical state.  The Brett in that picture was so thin and his hair was so big.  I really don’t miss the big hair, but I do miss the smaller waistline.

When I graduated high school I weighed 155 pounds.  Ten years later, I was very proud of the fact that I still weighed the same.  However, I had no reason to be proud.  I had not really accomplished anything.  I was just lucky to have good genes and a high metabolism.  I had always been thin.  I ate anything and everything that came in front of me.  My mother tells the story of me eating a dead grasshopper out of a windowsill as a small child.  That may be disgusting but it just shows that I have always loved to eat.  My great-grandmother used to marvel at how much of her homemade gravy I could eat.  After every Sunday meal, once we ran out of food, I would just spoon the gravy over bread and keep eating until it was gone.  Needless to say, I have never had healthy eating habits, but it didn’t seem to matter since it had no effect on me.  But one day, it changed.

About the time I turned 30 I was buying some new jeans.  I didn’t buy jeans very often because I always had to go out of town to find my size.  I had very long legs and a small waist size.  That combination is not usually found in Wal-Mart.  Because different brands of jeans have different cuts, it is necessary to try on all pairs before buying.  In the dressing room I was quite frustrated to find that I could not button any of the jeans in my size. The store clerk had the nerve to suggest that maybe I should try a different size.  Why would I do that?  Who wants to wear clothes that aren’t in their size?   I do not know how long this new expansion had been going on, but that was the first time I noticed it.  My weight has fluctuated up and down a bit since then, but I have never gotten back down to that size again.

My past experiences with intentional weight control have been fairly painless.  A few small adjustments to my diet and a little extra physical activity causes the pounds to just fall off.  However, I have to intentionally pursue this.  I lose the weight, but then stop paying attention and find myself back to gasping for breath every time I climb the stairs to my apartment.  Generally, by the time I notice I need to diet I am bigger than I was the last time I needed to.

So, I am at that point again and need to do something.  Unfortunately, it is the middle of winter and too cold to venture outside for extended periods of time without losing body parts, although, that would take off pounds rather quickly.  Whether I wait until spring or tackle this now remains to be seen, but I will get to it.  Lately, I have been too distracted by these new patches of hair I didn’t used to have.