Monday, August 13, 2012

The Awards Fairy Is Still At It


One day last week I woke up to someone pounding on my door. Bleary eyed, I made way way through the house, tripped over the couch and ran head first into the front door. Immediately after my cranium bounced off the door, the person on the other side gave it a good thump as well. I guess he thought it was a game.

I got to my feet and opened the door to have a clipboard shoved in my face.

Stranger: "Sign here."
Me: "What?"
Stranger: "Sign here. At the bottom."
Me: "I know how it works. What am I signing for?"
Delivery man: "How am I supposed to know? I'm not allowed to open the packages."
Me: "I have a package?"

He held out a large envelope, but snatched it back when I reached for it.

Delivery man: "You have to sign first!"
Me: "Give me the pen."   I scrawled my signature.
Delivery man: "Here. Next time wear pants to answer the door."

Looking down I realized I was still in my underwear, so I shouted at him as he climbed into his vehicle, "Next time, try showing up later than 6:30 in the morning."

I tossed the envelope on the kitchen table and went back to bed to get the last seven hours of sleep for the night. By the time I woke up, I had forgotten all about it. It sat there for a week getting buried under new mail I tossed on the table.

Last night I was doing my monthly chore of sorting through all the mail I never bothered to open and found it. I suddenly realized the early morning delivery man was not just a strange dream and ripped it open.

It contained a letter from a lawyer representing the Awards Fairy. The letter stated that when the Awards Fairy fell asleep in my bathtub, he had contracted pneumonia and was suing me for medical expenses. The fact that he had robbed me blind on earlier visits didn't seem to deter him from wanting even more from me.


Links to past visits from him:
The Awards Fairy Strikes Again
The Awards Fairy Came By
Return of the Awards Fairy
Awards Fairy Detox

The envelope also contained three awards. I set the letter aside to see what awards I had received.

The first award was from the prestigious mens' writing site Dude Write



I got this one for my post When The Cat's Away. Thank you, to the men over at Dude Write.

The second award came from Mrs. Luttrell over at the Coffee Blogs. It is the Leibster Blog Award.


This one had several rules attached to it, but I have received this one a few times and will opt out of doing them. This may bring future wrath from the Awards Fairy, but it doesn't appear that he is going to leave me any time soon anyway. I will risk it. I will acknowledge the person that awarded it to me once again. Thank you, Jessica Luttrell of the Coffee Blogs.

The last award was one that is new to me. Plus, I received it from two different people.


My blog has been called a lot of things, but this is the first time it has been called sweet. However, since it is sweet to two people, it must be sweet to others as well. The bloggers who think my blog is IRRESISTIBLY SWEET are Ken Degner of Ken-inatractor and Rachel at When a Lion Sleeps, Let It Sleep.

The rules for this award are to post seven random facts about yourself and pass it on to ten other deserving bloggers.

Random Facts:
  1.  This week I started a new job as a Sexual Health Counselor. I will give more info on that in a future post.
  2. Despite my usual disdain for talking on the phone, I still talk to Red every night for at least twenty minutes. Everyone else still gets cut off very quickly.
  3. Last month my dryer broke and I haven't gotten it fixed yet. After I do my laundry, underwear is hanging off doorknobs, ceiling fans, chairs and anywhere else that I can find a place until they are dry.
  4. My brother just got a new unicycle. I will be over there trying to knock #74 off my list.
  5. Now that I have met Red and we have spent significant time together, I still call her Red. Saying her actual name, just doesn't feel right.
  6. My blogging has slowed down significantly over the summer. I hope to get back to regular posting once school starts up again.
  7. I still don't have a smartphone. My contract runs out in November and I can't decide if I want to upgrade or just keep a regular old phone. I would love to have all the extra features, but am afraid I would never stop playing with my phone and all life productivity would stop.
I am also supposed to pass this award on to ten other bloggers, but have decided to tempt fate and see what will happen if I don't. I have passed out many awards in the past and have trouble coming up with new people. I will consider this a blogging experiment. Is it like breaking a chain letter and I will be cursed with bad luck?

Thank you to the people who gave me these awards. It has been fun writing this blog and watching my readership slowly grow. It is a great feeling knowing that there are people who enjoy what you write. Plus, I sat down this morning to discover that I hit 30,000 views.

The Awards Fairy cares about none of this. I guess I will spend the rest of my day speaking with a lawyer to see what I need to do about him. I don't expect this will be the last time I hear from him.

33 comments:

  1. Hahaha, I had this encounter once, at 5:00 AM.

    (knock knock knock)

    Me: Mmfff... Hello?

    Strange Lady: Ohhhhh, did I wake you up? That's too bad!

    Me: What?

    Strange Lady: John Henderson, consider yourself served! (tries to hand me paperwork)

    Me: I'm not John Henderson.

    Strange Lady: What?

    Me: I'M NOT JOHN HENDERSON YOU FUCKING BITCH! (slams door)

    I watched her through the blinds as she sat in her car, calling someone on her cell. She looked at the street number on my house and put her head against the steering wheel, then drove off.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Aren't they supposed to get you to identify yourself before they assume you are that person. I'll bet she was embarrassed.

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    2. I don't know how that works. I'm unfailingly nice with strangers, but the way she taunted me with having been woken up flipped my switch. I was NOT happy.

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    3. The good news is that her life would really suck. The only other friends she could have would be parking inspectors.

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  2. Interesting random facts, lol. I can relate to number 3. I hang my laundry on knobs and such, too. Hey, not everything can go in the dryer.

    Congrats on your blog views!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Hopefully, I will get it fixed soon.

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  3. Wow, look at you. All award laden and whatnot. Congrats on all of your accolades. But it's a shame about that Fairy guy. He just won't quit, will he?

    That's funny about Red. I know her name as well and it feels weird to even think of her as anything other than Red. I do that with Thoughtsy as well. I slip and actually call her that to her face sometimes, and I have known her real name for a while and refer to her by that name usually, just not online. It's funny how we just get used to associating people with their nicknames and their real names seem bizarre to even think about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When I introduce her to other people I try to use her real name, but it just seems strange.

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    2. You are welcome to introduce me to your friends as Red.

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    3. I almost sent your birthday card to FIRSTNAME "Red" LASTNAME, and also was going to use my blog return address labels, but thought that your parents might see it and wonder what it was about and ask questions. I thought it best to avoid that, and just send it like a normal person. ;)

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    4. LOL. That's funny. There are people who call me red, though, so they'd just think it was a friend who uses that nickname...and they'd be right!

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  4. Congrats on all of the awards, but I'm sorry that fairy just doesn't give up at all. He's pretty determined when he wants something, it seems.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. Hopefully, he will eventually lose interest.

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  5. Replies
    1. I wish he loved me. Maybe he would back off.

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  6. Congratulations. You might want to spritz that Award Fairy with bug spray because he usually comes with homework along with those awards. But I see you didn't fall for it.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I am pretty skeptical of anything that comes from him.

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  7. Dude, he must have been pounding pretty hard to wake you up that early! Also, what color underwear?

    I think a smartphone would be a mistake for you, personally, just because of what you said about it. Also it would eat up too much gas money and I wouldn't see you as much.

    At the temp job today, when the HR director verified my name and inquired if I go by that or a shorter version, I almost suggested Red.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right about the smartphone. I'm just not ready to use one responsibly. I would probably forget to feed my daughter and go to work.

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  8. Congrats on the awards!! I agree on what was said above about the homework that comes with it...and trying to come up with new folks to 'spread the love' - I honestly don't follow that many blogs and although I wouldn't mind discovering new ones, I don't know that I have more time to read them.

    I love the name Red! Very cool.

    I agree with her, by the way, on the smartphone. Big time waster. MOST of the stuff on there are things you can live without, for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I actually had to cut back on my reading list. Over the summer I just didn't have the time to read all the blogs I was subscribed to. So, I don't even read as many as I used to, much less, find more to give awards to.

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  9. Congratulations on the awards. If you don't want them, stop resisting and they'll stop persisting. That's what a friend told me, but he's never right about anything.

    I, too, hate to talk on the telephone, but unlike you, I haven't met someone that has made me want to stay on it for twenty seconds, let alone twenty minutes.

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    Replies
    1. I have a friend that is never right about anything. Maybe they should be friends and screw everything up together.

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  10. YEA!!!! but I still want to know if you look at your tissue after you blow you nose...

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  11. the only post of yours that has made me laugh harder than the Trials and Tribulations of the Awards Fairy is the one(s) where you took your buddy to the hospital for gross and possibly nefarious reasons (i'm not sure, because i clicked on the link for the picture and got slapped in the curiousity for it)...the fairy has become the dude that is determined to be your friend regardless of whether or not this interests you at all

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The hospital posts is one of my favorites. Maybe I should take the Awards Fairy to the hospital and get something done to him to make him leave me alone.

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  12. I prefer the liquor fairy. But awards are nice, too. Ask Meryl Streep.

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    Replies
    1. I'll take the awards. I'm just not a big drinker. Unless it's sweet tea. I drink a lot of sweet tea.

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  13. My phone contract runs out in October. We should make a pro-con list about getting the upgrade, because it is eating at my soul.

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    Replies
    1. I may have to do that. I really want it, but just have some serious personal concerns.

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