K - Karen - #AtoZChallenge

Mrs. Ballard swiped her debit card again and the gas pump still wouldn't read it. She had tried three times and even started the whole process over with the pump and it wasn't working. She didn't like using her credit card for daily purchases, but pulled it out of her purse anyway. It didn't work either.

She hit the HELP button, but wasn't getting a response. Looking inside the station, it appeared the cashier was engaged with a woman at the counter.

Frustrated, she pulled to another pump since the card machine was broken on the first one. Unfortunately, she had the same problem at the new one. And she still got no response when she pressed the HELP button. It appeared the customer inside was upset about something and had the cashier's attention. That's why he hadn't responded to the HELP call.

Mrs. Ballard was about to storm into the station when she noticed the PAY INSIDE button. She had forgotten about that option. She had paid at the pump for so many years, paying inside was a distant memory. She filled up her tank and headed for the front doors.

As soon as the automatic doors slid open, Mrs. Ballard could hear the woman in full rant screaming at the cashier.

"ARE YOU STUPID? HOW HARD IS IT TO MAKE A DAMN CUP OF COFFEE?"

Mrs. Ballard stood far back to not attract attention to herself. She was in no hurry. She could wait until this ugly scene played out.

The cashier motioned toward the drink area and calmly stated, "As I told you, miss, the coffee station is right over there. We have three kinds of coffee including decaf and several flavored creamers. You can make it to your taste."

The customer seemed to be enraged by this and stuck her finger in the cashier's face as the spittle flew from her mouth. "AND AS I TOLD YOU, IF I WANTED TO MAKE MY OWN COFFEE I WOULD HAVE DONE SO AT HOME!"

"You are more than welcome to go do that." Mrs. Ballard was amazed at how well the cashier was keeping his cool and a giggle slipped out at that response.

The angry woman shot a look at her, but directed her hate back to the poor employee. "Are you going to make that coffee or not?"

The cashier stated definitively, "I am not supposed to leave the counter when I am the only employee in the store."

Mrs. Ballard decided to try to help. She spoke up as she moved toward the drink station, "I'll get your coffee. What would you like?"

She glared at Mrs. Ballard, "I would like some damn customer service and a little human decency."

"So, no coffee then?" and she went back to her place.

The front doors slid open and a woman walked in wearing the same uniform as the cashier. The customer immediately confronted the newcomer. "I guess now that there's a second person here, one of you can tackle the incredibly complicated task of getting my coffee." 

Since her path was basically blocked by a seething woman, she looked around her to the cashier and asked, "What's happening here?"

The cashier started to explain, but the customer cut him off." He refused to make my coffee."

"Well, I am sorry about that. I am the manager and I have instructed him to not leave the counter when he is the only employee in the store."

The manager edged her way sideways around the customer and walked to the coffee station. She started filling a large cup. "Would you like sugar or creamer?"

The customer was not finished. "So, is it your stupid policy to keep customers from getting served while you are out running around town?"

The manager stopped filling the cup and poured it in the sink. She stepped up to the customer and answered, "Customer service does not stop for the people who are smart enough to recognize that this is a self-serve station and not a restaurant. If you want someone to wait on you, go to a place that does that." 

The customer was aghast. "Well, I've never had such treatment. Do you know who I am? My husband is a well-respected man in this town."

The manager grew louder, "Well, it's a shame he couldn't marry someone who was the same. Get out of my store. We don't tolerate you crazy Karens here."

The customer stomped out with a few more words about her perceived treatment and sped out of the parking lot. The manager let her employee know how well he had done to keep his cool and sent him on break.

"I am sorry you had to witness that. How can I help you?"

Mrs. Ballard smiled, "It's okay. Not your fault. The card machine outside wasn't working, so I came inside to pay." She slid her card to the manager.

The manager grabbed the card and jumped when she looked at it, "Oh, I am so sorry. Karen Ballard. Your name is Karen."

Karen Ballard patted the managers hand, "It's okay, dear. There's good Karens and bad Karens. Just try not to judge us all by the bad ones. I don't think she was one of us any way."

---

 

All this month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. A new post will go up every day (except Sundays) using a letter of the alphabet as the starting off point. My theme for the month is literary genres. I am writing in a different genre of flash fiction each day. I don't know any genres that start with K and couldn't find any online, so today's letter is K for Karen.

500 Blog Posts

 Back in October of 2010, I wrote my first post and it has been quite a ride. Today, I am writing my 500^th post.

I started this blog because my daughter was dating a boy who had to do a blog for a high school project. He was telling me how much he enjoyed and that I should try it. So, I did.

 I quickly learned that I loved writing and had a bit of a knack for it. Since then, I have been published (sort of), and gotten married because of this blog. I've lived in seven different places in three different countries since my first post. I've had close to half a million visits to this page. It's been a huge blessing to me and I am so glad I started.

 Thank you to all of you who have read and participated.

F - Fairy Tale - #AtoZChallenge

 
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there was a handsome prince. The prince would spend his days riding his horse through the forest and enjoying the beauty of nature. He would go swimming in the lake and meet up with his friends in town to laugh and sing. He had a good life. He had an easy life. He was a very happy prince.

Except for one thing.

His father, the king, was growing older. The king kept reminding the prince that he needed to be married soon and start a family. If the prince did not marry, there would be no one to take his place if something happened to him. There always had to be another son to take the place of the father. Having no king, even for a short time, meant chaos for the kingdom.

The prince never looked his father in the eyes during these talks. "I understand, father."

"I don't think you do. It's not just what would happen IF something would happen to you. It is what WOULD happen. If you are king and don't have a prince son to be the next king, you would be in danger of someone getting rid of you to try to take your place. This is why the next in line must already exist. The good of the kingdom depends on it."

Despite the prince's promises to find a wife, the king began to search for the right woman to one day be queen. He reached out to surrounding kingdoms to inquire about their princesses. He sent word to the lords of his realm to ask about their daughters. Many were interested. Every week, a new announcement was made of an arriving caravan carrying a high-born father who was hopeful about the chance for his daughter to be the future queen and secure an alliance with their families. There were many women who wanted this honor as well. The palace was swamped with requests from surrounding realms to be invited to meet the prince.

The prince always attended these ceremonies and met with every princess and high-born daughter that had traveled to meet him. Some he did not like right away. Others he gave a chance, but a walk through the garden with them helped him realize he didn't want to spend years married to them. He tried to be fair, for his father's sake, but he just wasn't meeting a woman he liked. As the months went by, the king grew more and more impatient. All this pressure made the prince less happy every day.

One morning he saddled his horse early and rode off into the forest to enjoy a quiet day away from the disappointed eyes of his father. Deep in the forest, he got off his horse near a quiet creek to eat his lunch under a tree and listen to the birds singing. Enjoying the sights and sounds of the forest, he soon forgot his troubles and drifted off to sleep.

Soon, he was awakened by someone gently shaking his shoulder.

"Sir, sir, are you alright?"

He opened his eyes and saw a lovely woman standing over him. The prince was smitten immediately. "Who are you?" he asked with wonder.

"My name is Samra. I live just over the hill there. I came to get water today and when I saw you there so still I thought you were were hurt."

The prince was even more in awe at the sound of her voice. He stood up quickly to introduce himself, but his sudden movement startled Samra and she jumped back.

The prince realized he frightened her and started to apologize, but he got a head rush from standing too quickly and started to swoon. Samra immediately stepped forward to steady him. As soon as he felt her touch on his arm, he knew he was in love.

Not wanting to scare her off, the prince decided to play it cool and come back prepared to court her. "It was lovely to meet you and thank you for your kindness. I hope I see you again."

"If you ever come back this way, you probably will. I don't venture far from my home." She flashed him a beautiful smile as he whistled for his horse. He was soon speeding back to the palace to tell his father he had met the woman he was going to marry.

The king was not excited that he had chosen a commoner to be his bride, but training a commoner on how to be royalty was better than having no one as queen. He gave his approval.

The next day, the prince dressed in his finest silks and selected the strongest stallion from the stables. He wanted to display his wealth and influence to impress her. He armored forty aides to accompany him to Samra's house to declare his love to her.

Upon arriving at Samra's house, the aides and assistants lined up in two formations in her front yard. The prince, with his back straight and head held high, rode between the two perfectly-lined groups and called out her name. No one answered.

He called again.

Silence.

He dismounted and approached the front door of the modest cottage. He knocked and heard a feeble voice. "Coming."

After a few minutes, the door slowly creaked open and a frail old man stood in the doorway. "Oh, there are so many of you. What can I do for you gentlemen? Would you all like some tea? Let's see, there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven..."

"I am here seeking Samra. Do I have the correct house?"

"Samra is my granddaughter. She's at the market right now. I hope she is getting more tea. Come to think of it, I don't think I even have more than four or five teacups. Oh, dear. Where are my manners? Come in. Come in. Oh, no. That won't do at all. I have only two chairs. Stay where you are. I'll be right back."

He turned around to head back into the house. "I'll start the kettle going. You're going to have to share cups."

Exasperated, the prince turned around and saw Samra giving apple slices to his horse.

"Hello, again," she said. "I see you've met my grandfather."

"I did. He is very hospitable." 

"Yes, he is. How can we help you?"

"I wanted to thank you for your concern yesterday and be honest with you."

Samra raised her eyebrows in surprise, "Did you lie to me yesterday? You really didn't say much at all."

The prince continued, "I am the prince of this land. You were helping the future king."

Samra nodded and gave the horse another slice of apple, "Yes. I saw the royal insignia on your sleeve. It wasn't as big and shiny as the one on your chest today, but I recognized it. No need to thank me. I was just asking if you were alright. I did nothing."

"But, Samra, you did everything. You are the loveliest creature I have ever laid eyes on and I have come to ask for your hand and make you my queen."

Samra smiled, "No. Thank you." She turned and headed toward the house.

The prince had never considered that his offer might be rejected. "Wait!"

Samra, almost to the door, looked over her shoulder. "Did you need something else?"

The baffled prince answered, "You don't want to be queen?"

"I don't know. I never thought about it. But I do know I don't want to marry a man I just met yesterday." She stepped inside her house and shut the door.

The prince rode slowly back to the palace with his head hung low. He hadn't experienced much rejection in his life and wasn't handling it well.

When the king heard the news, he couldn't help but laugh at his son. "This girl did not say she would not marry you. She said that she could not marry a man she didn't know. It was an invitation to court her. Go let her get to know you. Show her you are worthy of her hand. Then, she will say yes."

The prince realized his father was right. He would win her. Starting the next morning, the prince spent his days in the forest near her house hoping to run into her. Most days, he was able to see her and talk to her. They took walks through the trees and he occasionally accompanied her to the market. He would even carry her things for her.

One day, after spending several weeks together, she gave him a kiss on the cheek as he was about to depart. "Ah," he exclaimed. "You are beginning to like me."

She furrowed her eyebrows, "Whatever do you mean? I have always liked you."

"You rejected my proposal of marriage."

Samra laughed. "Liking someone you just met and wanting to get married are hardly the same feeling. You seem like a sweet guy. That's enough for now."

The prince didn't like it, but he understood. "So, maybe we could get married someday?"

Samra sighed, "I love my life here. It is so peaceful and quiet. Keeping court behind tall walls sounds boring and stuffy. The clothes look so uncomfortable. Plus, I have my grandfather to take care of. He still asks when all my new friends are coming back to have tea. He had me buy more cups."

"Samra, your grandfather can come to live with us. We'll have dozens of servants to take care of him and us. Life will be great for us, your grandfather and our children."

She looked at him with wide eyes, "What children?"

The prince smiled from ear to ear, "The many children we will have. One will be a son that will be the next king after me."

Samra pulled away from the prince. "I've never really felt that I wanted children. And I certainly would never have a child who already had his whole life planned out for him. That is not a life for anyone. I don't think you should come around anymore. I will never be able do what you want me to."

The prince pleaded with her, but she would not budge. She was very polite, but tried to get him to understand they had very different goals in life. Plus, being royalty is not something everyone yearns to be. The prince went home defeated.

Weeks later, the king came to see him in his chambers to convince him to get out of bed and continue his search for a wife. But the prince didn't want another woman. He only wanted Samra. The king knew the fate of the kingdom was possibly at stake, so he sent for the old witch who lived deep in the woods. He was willing to do anything to get his son into a better mood and moving again.

The witch came and listened to the king's story. She claimed a simple love potion would solve this problem. She returned the next day with a small bag of powder and gave the king instructions on its use.

The king rushed to his son's chambers and explained what he had done. The prince was doubtful, but was cheered slightly to learn that there was still hope of winning the woman he loved. He left the palace that night to do as his father told him.

The prince went to Samra's house and sprinkled the powder on the windowsill of Samra's bedroom. The witch said the person sleeping in that room would fall hopelessly in love with the person who placed the powder. He did his job and went back home.

The prince awoke the next morning to a servant knocking on his bedroom door. There was someone here to see him.

When the prince came downstairs, Samra was there talking excitedly with the king. When she saw the prince she ran into his arms and started kissing him. The witch's powder had worked. Samra was infatuated with the prince.

The prince sent for her grandfather to move into the palace and joyfully started making plans for the royal wedding.

Everyone was in attendance at the wedding. Lords and ladies from all over the realm came to offer gifts and their good wishes. It was the event of the generation. Everything went splendidly.

Within a few months, it was announced Princess Samra was with child and the kingdom rejoiced. 

She gave birth to a healthy baby boy. The prince could not have been more proud of his beautiful wife and son.

However, deep in the woods there was a disturbance among the animals. The old witch, who was very very old, had grown sick. She spent many of her days in bed and the numerous spells she had cast over the years were growing weaker. The animals she had enchanted no longer brought her the herbs and spices she needed for her spells. Some of these herbs were for making the potions she used to prolong her life.

Soon she grew too weak to rise and she died alone in the forest late one night.

At the instant of her death, all the power of her magic died with her. Samra awoke suddenly in the night in terror. She remembered everything she had done for the last few years, but had no idea why. All she knew was that she had been a slave trapped in her own body unable to say and do the things she felt. Her life had been a nightmare as she married this man she had previously rejected. Her body forced her to smile and wave at people who came to see the royal family in court. For years, she had wanted to scream as her unwanted husband bedded her. She had wanted nothing more but to escape, but her body would not cooperate.

She looked over at his sleeping body and felt the hatred rush through her as he slept there smiling. She didn't know how he had done it, but he was the cause of all her suffering for the last few years. The last time she was in control of her own body, she had rejected him. He had to be the one behind it.

She slipped out of bed and picked up the dagger on the table. She tiptoed back to her sleeping husband and slit his throat. His eyes opened and looked at her in fear and confusion as he clutched at his bleeding throat.

She raised the dagger above her head and shouted, "NO MEANS NO!" as she brought it down again and buried it deep in his chest.

---

 

All this month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. A new post will go up every day (except Sundays) using a letter of the alphabet as the starting off point. My theme for the month is literary genres. I am writing in a different genre of flash fiction each day. Today's letter is F for Fairy Tale.

This post was inspired by the idiot who has been leaving all the spam on the blogs I've been reading this week. The spammer keeps suggesting the reader contact a "spellcaster" to make your life better. She uses the story of how her cheating husband came crawling back to her after contacting this person. It disgusted me. This story grew out of that.

Recognizing the Good Things

Over the course of my life, I have been accused of many things. I will not even begin to list them here, but I will tell you one of the things I have never been accused of:

Having a lack of confidence.

Now, to be honest, I have always been filled with self-doubt but I faked confidence because I've always believed it made people take me more seriously. Unfortunately, I often went overboard.

Not to sound arrogant, but I'm pretty confident that I'm the hottest man living in this house.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) July 22, 2019

As the years went on, I learned to dial it back a bit and come off as less of an arrogant jerk.

I used to think I was the smartest person in the world. Now…well, I still think that. I've just learned to not be so vocal about it.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) May 28, 2019

I think the youthful arrogance has gone by the wayside for the most part and now I just quietly live my life, but occasionally I feel my pride starting to swell. The past month has been good for my ego. Or bad - depending on how you look at it.

About a month ago, the mother of one of my online students asked me to quit my job and become her son's personal tutor. She offered me an ungodly amount of money for my wife and me to move to Beijing so I could work exclusively with her son for the remainder of his school career. (He just turned 6 two weeks ago.) She would cover all moving expenses and living expenses and then pay me a very impressive salary. It took some work to convince her that I would never move back to China, but the offer really made me take some pride in my work. I can honestly say that I am good at what I do.

Since then, my wife and I have been asked by a couple of different parents to come to visit them when Vietnam allows travel again. I have been invited to Harbin and Tokyo and Red has been invited to Hong Kong.

Last week, our landlords from our previous house contacted us begging us to come back. They even lowered the rent about 35% from what they were asking when we moved out a year ago. They really enjoyed us as tenants and are sad they created a situation (significant bump in rent) that caused us to leave. Good tenants are difficult to find. Plus, now with COVID, things are even more difficult. It is nice to be wanted.

Finally, just a few days ago, our current landlords commissioned me to be their grandson's ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher when he turns two. He is currently six months old. Once again, it is nice to be wanted. And it really feels good to be recognized for doing something well.

In the midst of all the misery and difficulties happening in the world right now, it is important to sometimes stop and consider the things that have been going right. We've had our setbacks like everyone else, but a quick consideration of the good things as well is good for everyone. We still have plenty to be thankful for.

Now, I just have to get past one of the things I have been accused of many times.

LAZINESS

Why do people keep wanting me to do stuff? It's like they don't even now me.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) May 29, 2019

R - Regret

Everyone has those things they regret. It may be words you wish you could take back, an action you did (or did not do), or a reaction you had to something. I know I have several of those. We've all had experiences that we may wish we didn't have to live through. However, there are always those people who like to say "Well, it is your experiences that made you into the person you are today." or "It was those things that led you to this place."

I don't really curse on this blog, but I have to call bullshit. I can't think of a better word today.

While it is true that the culmination of our choices lead us to our present and bad experiences can make us stronger (but just as often weaker), that does not mean we should have taken that path.

My biggest regret in life involved a five-month-long storm in my normally peaceful life. And while I can say that I definitely learned a lot from this experience, I will not claim that my life was improved because of it.

In my early twenties, I frequented a bar near my home almost every day. As a regular, I got to know one of the bartenders. With time, I got to hear more about her miserable life. She was in a relationship with a guy who was controlling and physically abusive. But if she left, she would have nowhere to go and with two small kids, she felt trapped.

Slowly over the course of a few months, her flirting with me began to work. I don't know how many guys she was feeding this line to, but I was the one who fell for it. I decided I was going to be the one to rescue her. I called a couple of my friends one day to get some help so we could show up at her house, pack all her stuff while her boyfriend was at work and get her out of there. She was coming to live with me.

The guys I called for help were the Crew. My closest group of friends. And all of them but one, said no. They would not help. They weren't busy, they just refused to be part of it. A couple of them even told me not to do this.

I did not heed their warnings. In fact, their reluctance to help ticked me off.

But it was more than that. One of them put his finger in my face and started rattling off all the crazy things we knew about this girl. He told me she would be a nightmare and the circumstances of our new relationship would make it ten times worse in the tiny town we lived in. Everything said was true, but it didn't make me any less angry. I would show him. This girl needed help and I would put up with the inevitable storm to be that man who protected her.

I brought her and her kids back to my house where I still had a roommate that I had not checked with first (he moved out within a month). He was one of the first casualties of collateral damage this decision caused.

The backlash was swift. She lost her job immediately since the bar was owned by the father of the man I had just "rescued" her from. Being a small town with barely a hundred people, it was also the only social gathering place around. And I was no longer welcome.

The gossip around town was in full force and we were the focus of all of it. To get ahead of it, she and I got married almost immediately. I married her despite the fact that she and I were having horrible arguments every day. However, I was determined to show everyone (and it was everyone) that they were wrong. And I chalked her moodiness up to the stress of what was happening around us. I told myself I was strong enough to do this.

I had no idea how bad it was going to get.

It turned out she was crazy. And I don't just say that because she is my ex. She was crazy. She would recount the story of an argument we had to her sister and lie about everything that happened. She would do this right in front of me. I learned quickly not to call her out on stuff in front of people because the scene that was caused was not worth it.

She would fly into rages and physically attack me. One time, while trying to deflect her punches, my finger must have caught her lip. Maybe. I really don't know what happened. She might have even hit herself. But she suddenly threw herself on the ground and started screaming about me hitting her. I couldn't see any mark, but I didn't get much of a chance to look before she locked herself in the bathroom. When she came out 30 minutes later, her lip was bloodied and swollen. I knew she had done something to herself in the bathroom.

The next day, I get a phone call from her sister. Her sister told me that my wife had shown up at her house in the morning to show what I had done to her. And the story was epic. It involved furniture flying around the house and the kids screaming to protect their mother while I locked them in their rooms. This story terrified me because I didn't know who else she was telling these stories to. But her sister assured me that she knew it wasn't true. She knew the kids had stayed with their aunt the night before and she didn't believe I would behave in such a way anyway. She told me that she had long suspected the stories she told about her ex were fabricated as well.

Oh, yeah. This whole thing started because I was rescuing her from an abusive relationship. And now she's running around telling people that I am doing those things to her. And I haven't touched her. I began to see her evil ex in a much more sympathetic light. I no longer knew what was true.

I have dozens more stories about psychological manipulation, complex webs of lies that she weaved through many people, enemies that she made for me, more physical abuse (she couldn't get upset without throwing a punch and she was always upset about something), her purposefully depriving me of sleep to punish me for something, and the loss of my friends who wouldn't come around the house if she was there.

It finally came to an end in the middle of one of those big fights. She loved to find what hurt you and focus all her attention on it. She fought dirty and never had mercy. She had pressed and pressed me since I got home from work and wasn't letting up. She had already thrown things and hit me several times and she started again with her cutting words. She stepped up to me with her fist cocked back and something snapped in my head.

I took a step forward reaching for her to put a stop to this. I can't honestly say what I was about to do, but it was not going to be good. I was in a rage and had had enough. But when I started to surge toward her, I saw a glint of glee in her eyes.

She had done it. She finally broke me and she knew it. I was seconds away from sealing the deal with whatever I was about to do to her. And once I did it, she would own me.

This entire realization came crashing down on me. Months of psychological and physical torture had worn me down. I couldn't take it anymore. She had pushed and pushed and pushed and was never going to stop. I knew that sooner or later, I would hurt her. A person can only take so much. I couldn't do this anymore.

I stepped back and felt this sense of relief wash over me. I was done.

Her anger stopped for a moment as she looked at me and I think she sensed what had just happened. Her face contorted into wrath I had not seen yet. She started throwing everything she could get her hands on. She tried to scratch out my eyes. She punched and bit me. I ran out the door and left in my car as the contents of our living room started getting thrown out on to the yard.

I didn't have a plan, but I knew I could never spend another unaccompanied minute with her. Who knows what she might try to claim I've done to her. Getting out of this relationship without further damage would require witnesses from this point forward.

I was driving around trying to figure out where I was going to spend the night when my phone rang. Since it was her, I wasn't going to answer and listen to her apologies. However, she left a voicemail saying that the excitement of the evening had sent her son into an asthma attack. She was going to the hospital. I suspected that this was not true. She loved using her kids as pawns for guilt.

I didn't know where she had gone, but I used the opportunity of her being out of the house to go change the locks. Before the night was over, she showed up with the man I had "rescued" her from. A few threats were thrown around (by her, not him) and just like that, she was living back in his house.

We were legally divorced a week later.

As bad as this situation was, believe it or not, I have not put the worst stuff in here. I have a limit to the darkness I will post on my blog. She is a deeply disturbed woman.

As with every other post I have done this month, I will wrap it up by telling how this person affected me and what I learned from it. Some of this is difficult to admit.

First, I severely damaged my reputation in that small town. That bar where I met her was the only place in town to hang out and meet people and it was permanently off-the-table for me. I don't live in that town anymore, but I'm not sure I would even be welcome there today and it's been over 25 years.

After coming out of such a one-sided controlling relationship, I over-compensated when I later got married. I was so determined to never be taken advantage of like that again. It took a few years to shake free of the baggage I brought into my second marriage. I was super-sensitive about any type of criticism toward me. I did not like to be questioned about anything. I almost wonder if it was a mild form of PTSD. It was a five-month nightmare and I did not come out unscathed.

My friends started coming back around once she was gone and they got to hear the stories about what went on behind closed doors. And I told them that I was hurt they abandoned me. They rightfully defended themselves. They hadn't abandoned me. I had abandoned them. And there was no reason they should be expected to have to sit in a room with a person they hated just to show loyalty to me. They were more than happy to hang out with me anytime she wasn't around. And it's not like I didn't know where they were. But she had worked to alienate me from my friends and I unknowingly let her do it.

They also reminded me that they had all told me to steer clear of her. None of them saw a happy ending to this and I had chosen to ignore them. That is the biggest part of what I take away from all this.

When everyone can see something except for you, you might want to accept that it is you who is blind.

I saw the warning signs before I got married. I saw a few of them before I even "rescued" her, but I decided I knew better than everyone else. And I mean EVERYONE. So many people were against us that I was determined to make it work just to "win" and shove it in their faces. I honestly believe that if no one had said anything, I would have backed out on my own before it was too late.

LIFE LESSON: If you have surrounded yourself with good people who you respect, then their guidance and opinions should carry some weight. Otherwise, why are they your friends?

Thank you to all of you who had my back. I am so sorry I did not listen.

---

This month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. Each day this month, people around the world are writing blog posts and working their way through the alphabet. Each person decides their own personal theme. I am writing about people who have affected my life.

O - Old People

This post is not about old people in general. It is about a very specific group of people. And them being older is not really the point. I just had to find a way to fit all my 26 stories into this month while also using all the letters of the alphabet. O was still open, so they got this spot.

Years ago I was the associate minister in a church and I had been preaching in another church down the road while they looked for their own minister. It was eventually suggested that maybe I should fill the spot and that is what happened.

Now, before I go any further with this story I want to give this disclaimer. That church was filled with a bunch of wonderful people. It was. I do not have any complaints about a single person from that congregation. Please keep this in mind as I tell my story.

The average age of the membership of this church was well over 60. It was an older congregation in a small town. I was a young, recently divorced father from a different denomination. I, honestly, had no business being the spiritual leader for this group of people.

They recognized that they were a generation away from the church dying and wanted new younger membership. However, they also wanted me to spend my days visiting all the older people of the church who just couldn't get out much anymore. I have no problem with this practice and met some wonderful people, but the hours spent sitting and drinking tea with people who had been already been Christians for decades are not growing the membership of the church. Which is what I was told they wanted.

I do believe those people should be visited, but it should not have been the bulk of my time as was expected. And second, it should not have been the sole responsibility of the pastor. That is one of the many reasons churches have elders. They have a much bigger spiritual responsibility than just sitting on the church board.

Next, any special events designed for community outreach received no support. No one ever resisted, but I got no help either. We hosted a kite-flying, weenie roast one day. This was meant to have the people of the community come to a free event and meet the people of the church. Bring a kite, eat some food and have some fun. I didn't get any takers for volunteers to bring potluck food so I brought stuff myself. My kids and I built a fire and laid out all the hot dogs, condiments, buns, paper plates, and chips. About three dozen people showed up from the community. As for the people of the church (who asked for community outreach events), only two people showed up. And they sat at a picnic table talking to no one but each other and me when I was close enough to hear.

On another occasion, we decided to have a special service mid-week for Flag Day (or another small holiday, I forget which). It was intended to be a short service with a patriotic theme. My kids and I got to the church early. We got everything fired up and waited. Not one single person came. NOT EVEN THE WORSHIP TEAM!!!

It was me and my kids sitting in an empty church.

In the meantime, I had stumbled into a new ministry field and had been working part-time in a tattoo shop to talk to the customers there. It was exciting and I was seeing positive results. I was even using the things that happened in that shop as illustrations in my sermons on Sunday mornings. And while everyone praised the work they heard about in this mission field, they still had to admit that their preacher worked in a tattoo shop. Which I understand. Sort of.

Almost everything I tried just flopped. Nothing seemed to work. I was starting to grow quite apathetic. One day after church, my family and I were leaving for lunch and I noticed as driving by the church that the cars of the members of the church board were in the parking lot. The church board was having a meeting, but I had not been invited. I immediately knew what that meant.

The following week, during our regularly scheduled board meeting, I explained the frustrations I had been having and admitted that I was not the person to be leading this congregation. I handed them a resignation letter. They all looked at each other and just accepted it. There were no questions, so I still believe my suspicions were correct. I was about to be dismissed anyway.

As I stated at the beginning, the people of that church were good people. I'm still friends with some of them today. But I was not the guy who should have filled that spot. It was a miserable couple of years.

My theme for this month has been to write about people who have affected my life and this experience definitely qualifies. I learned a lot from this experience. I had always been one to just put my head down and plow through something. Even before tackling a situation that looked like a bad idea, I would just decide I could figure it out or endure until it was over. That was not how I saw this before I got hired, but it turned into that.

Sometimes a situation is not a good fit and trying to force it only prolongs the inevitable. There were plenty of factors that made me the wrong guy for that job. Not just the age difference. And the longer I stuck it out, the worse position it placed on the leadership who had to deal with it. I'm sure they were not looking forward to firing me. Plus, what church wants to even have that as part of their history? Firing their preacher. I was happy to step down. It saved them the embarrassment and allowed me to go do something I was better suited for.

I am more discerning about the things I choose to do now. I've also learned that it is okay to be a little more assertive about speaking my mind. I don't have to just go along with everything. It was a huge learning experience and I am a stronger person because of it.

---

This month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. Each day this month, people around the world are writing blog posts and working their way through the alphabet. Each person decides their own personal theme. I am writing about people who have affected my life.

Can't We All Just Get Along

I saw a video on Facebook a few days ago that I just can't get out of my head. Here is that video. It centers around fur and veganism, but that is not the part I am interested in. Please pay attention to the point of her message. (Video is less than 2 minutes)

QUICK RECAP: This woman was viciously attacked online because in one of her videos some people thought the fur on her coat was real. It's not, but that is not the point. This woman is a certified animal rescuer. Has been vegetarian for over a decade and has dedicated much of her life to helping animals. As she states in the video, she stands in solidarity with the cause that her attackers are promoting. However, their method of hatred made her wish she didn't.

This animal-lover didn't want to be an animal-lover at that moment because of the nastiness thrown her way by other animal lovers.

That statement is why I can't shake this video. It is very powerful and she only scratches the surface of a major problem we have today.

This problem occurs in many areas, but it is the most obviously prevalent in political discourse.

I can't speak for the rest of the world, but the United States is very heavily divided on a number of issues: immigration, gun control, abortion, free speech issues, racial tensions, any mention of Trump, etc. And most people have an opinion about these and many other issues. And people should have opinions. That's what having a brain is all about.

On top of having opinions, we have the freedom in America to express those opinions and discuss them openly. Please do not take for granted how important it is to be able to do this. For the last few years, I have lived in a country where people do not have that freedom.

Seriously! Posting this image on social media inside of China
would have gotten me deported.
Much worse would happen to a Chinese citizen who tried it.

Having the freedom to be able to express our ideas and even be able to disagree with our leaders and each other openly is a wonderful thing, but there is a responsibility that comes with it. We all still have to live together.

I don't know if social media is to blame, but it is definitely the easiest place to see the divide. Many people love to post their politics on Facebook AND they are free to do so. Other people are free to respond to those posts whether they agree or disagree AND (once again) they are free to do so. However, way too often, civility and common respect for our fellow man gets tossed out the window. The person on the other side of our arguments is spoken to as, at best, an uneducated child. At worst, a sub-human Satanic spawn of putrid trash not worthy of using the same oxygen as the rest of the world.

I have seen many arguments unfold on Facebook that just make me cringe. Not at the ideas that are being expressed, but at the tone of language being used by two people who I know have been friends for years. I know of dozens of people who are no longer friends because they could not see eye to eye on some political issue and their vitriolic discourse toward each other eventually crossed a line that permanently damaged their friendships.

There have always been nasty people in the world. People who everyone avoided because they just could not handle being disagreed with. They got nasty if someone had a different opinion. We had a name for those people. They were arrogant assholes.

I don't generally curse on my blog, but that is the best word for this. Those people are assholes. They are. They don't have the basic conversation skills to have a healthy discourse about a topic when everyone in the room is not in total agreement.

It doesn't matter if it is about gay rights, gun control, abortion, immigration issues, tax reform, welfare or anything. If you are being an asshole about it to someone (even online), that makes you an asshole.

The problem today is that "the asshole mentality" is becoming more and more the norm. Due to the ease of finding like-minded people today (television, internet, etc), a person settles for cozying in with their tribe and just hurling insults at the other tribes. Actual discourse and intelligent discussion go out the window. And as the woman in the above video was saying, that method does not win people over. In fact, it does just the opposite. It makes them not only dislike you but take an even stronger stance against the cause you are arguing for.

I have approached many people who I politically disagree with solely because I saw them being verbally assaulted by someone who I actually politically agree with. I've seen people I love say vicious things to other people just because Obama or Trump or Clinton or Michael Moore or Brad Pitt or their mayor said something that they are ready to defend or condemn with their lives.

The worst part about all of this is that most of the time the hot-button issue of the moment is just the issue of the moment. In six months, everyone will have forgotten about it and will be on to arguing about something else. However, the relationship has already been damaged. It's not worth it.

I am not suggesting you avoid sensitive topics of discussion. Feel free to discuss anything you want to discuss, but do not be one of those idiots spewing venom at anyone who disagrees with you. And, this one is just as important, do not engage with those people who do. No good will come of it. Just walk away.

O is for Obnoxious

As a participant in the A to Z Blogging Challenge, I will be making my way through the alphabet all month.

---

I am not really sure that I am obnoxious. I am definitely the loudest. I have something rattling around in my brain that tells me if I am in the room, I must be completely sure that everyone else in the room is aware that I am there. It can't be helped. I must be noticed. I enjoy it, but it's not always a good thing.

This trait is at its worst on the occasions that I am in the same room as my brothers Kyle and Trevor. Solely because they have the same affliction trait. If we are in the same room, it unconsciously becomes a competition to see who is being given the most attention. Sometimes one of them wins and sometimes I do, but I try not to let it be them very often.

Winning the attention of the room is done using several strategies. Sometimes, it just involves the lazy tactic of being extremely loud. This is found to be annoying by the other people in the room very quickly. The next tactic is to be the strangest in the room or the person who says the most ridiculous things. This is typically found to be more entertaining for a while.

PERSON TRYING TO CONVERSE: Beautiful day, isn't it?

ME: It is. It's said that the sky looked exactly like this on the day of the Pearl Harbor attack. If you believe that actually happened.

Kyle tends to be more physical and will climb up in the rafters to look at a spider while I try to dazzle the crowd with wit. Trevor regales the crowd with amazing stories. We are all masters at sarcasm.

Another tactic is to just be shocking. Running naked into a room to tackle someone deeply immersed into a serious conversation will guarantee that you will be remembered long after the party has come to a close.

---

We are available for parties.

They're My ME-COLORED Glasses

My wife and I watched an amazing movie a few nights ago and I cannot recommend it enough. The movie "Room" is based on the book of the same name by Emma Donoghue. It wonderfully captures the impact of imagination, sacrifice, human resilience and love.

I'm going to try to do this without giving away any spoilers.
 
Room tells the story of 5 year old Jack, a boy who was born inside a tiny room and has never been outside of it. He has a television, but has no real concept of the world. He has only interacted with his mother, who has been a prisoner in this room for the last seven years.

Jack is the narrator of the story and the author did an amazing job of showing how Jack views "the world." He doesn't really understand that there is anything outside of the room. Even with his television, he has trouble understanding the concepts of real versus pretend. Many children of his age struggle with this, but he has bigger obstacles to overcome. He often gets angry when his mother tries to explain things to him, because he has no real-world experience to base anything on.

However, the real story is not inside the room. It's all about what happens once they get out. Watching Jack experience the world for the first time. Seeing him struggle with seeing things in three-dimensions that he had only seen on television before. Learning how to interact with other people. Seeing how his imagination is different from other children his age.

However, the scene that keeps replaying in my mind Jack wasn't even in. It revolved around his mother. A person asks her a question about why she made one of the choices that she made while captive. This question made me angry for the mother. It was a legitimate question. I can understand why someone would wonder, but it was asked with a judging tone. All I could think was, "Lady, you weren't there?" She made the best decisions that she could based upon the situation she was in and the knowledge that she had.

I can't help but apply this to real life. How many times have I looked at someone and thought "how could they?"

People's actions, attitudes and words are very, very rarely dictated solely by the circumstances of the present moment. When I see someone doing something that I disagree with, I am only seeing it through my perspective, based on my knowledge, through the lens of my background and experiences, and using my culture, family upbringing and traditions to color how I perceive the situation. We all do this.

I'm not suggesting that there is no right and wrong and that it is all relative, but I am saying that we need to give each other a lot more benefit of the doubt. In the movie, people would often get frustrated with Jack when he would not respond to things in an "appropriate" manner, but there was a very good reason for his behaviors.

When I was teaching, I had a very disruptive student. He was not mean, he was just very loud and seemed to have no concept of other's feelings or taking turns. It was difficult to work with him. Later, I met his family and quickly understood why he did the things he did. It's all he knew. He wasn't being mean or even rude. He was acting in the way that had been modeled for him since birth. He had no idea that his behavior was inappropriate. Just having this perspective made my job easier and I was able to be more understanding with him and help him to adjust to life outside of his home.

These issues don't just occur with "problem" situations. Sometimes, it may be a cultural difference. The Chinese consider looking into the eyes of a person to be extremely rude. In the U.S., we are taught that not looking into the eyes of the person you are talking to is rude. So, often when people of these cultures meet, they think we are being too assertive and we think they aren't paying attention and both sides consider the other rude.

The reason my ex-mother-in-law was so scared of everything was because she was raised by a woman whose father was the chief of police at a very dangerous time and took down a major criminal. Their household received death threats all the time and they lived under fear of arson, kidnapping, and murder. Her fear was learned from a very young age. Other people just deciding that she is a chicken creates barriers instead of relationships.

The complexities of human behavior can not usually be broken down very simply, but we could all try to be a little more understanding. When a person is in disagreement with you (or me) about how to do something, it doesn't mean they're stupid. It just means they have a different mindset and bank of past experiences. We can even apply this to the political process of today.

Regardless of how you feel about any of the candidates running for president, it is not true that all of the followers of __________ are morons. It doesn't mean they are racists, socialists, hate-filled, naive, feminists, or any other labels we may want to apply to them. It just means that they see some qualities in the candidate that ring true for them because of their view of the world.

We are never going to agree with anyone 100% of the time, but we can choose how we react to disagreements and how we treat other people. Maybe if we spent a little more time working on relationships, the world would make more sense. The more we get to know and understand others, the wider our perspective becomes.

Defending My Choice to Give to Charity

A couple of weeks ago, I was nominated to do the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Now, I am sure that most of you are familiar with what this is, but for the few of you who may not be, I'll try to explain.

Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), often referred to as "Lou Gehrig's Disease," is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. It basically causes the muscles of the body to stop receiving nourishment.

Sometime within the last couple of years, someone came up with a genius idea and the Ice Bucket Challenge was born. It involves a person dumping a bucket of ice water over their head and then challenging someone else (usually three others) to do the same. This is usually captured on video and posted on the internet for everyone to see.

A person who has been challenged is to donate $100 to the ALS Association (www.alsa.org). However, many people do not have an extra $100 laying around, so they have another option. If they dump ice water on their head and post a video of it on the internet, they can give a smaller amount of their choosing. They are also to nominate three more people for the challenge. This is all supposed to happen within 24 hours.

Whether the people nominated donate the full amount or a smaller amount, the cycle lives on as long as the nominees continue to keep nominating more people. As of the time of this posting, the ALS Association website states that the Ice Bucket Challenge has raised over $114 million dollars for the cause.

After being nominated myself, I sprang to action that same afternoon. Here is my video.

I wanted to do something different from the thousands of other videos that have been uploaded to YouTube and have a little bit of fun. It took some courage for me to remove my shirt in front of a camera, but I was happy with my video and glad I did it…for a few days.

Before long, I started noticing posts on Facebook and Twitter that seemed to condemn the practice of participating in this challenge. Anti-Ice Bucket memes started popping up all over my feed.

People were posting about how they had been challenged, but chose to just donate in private and not make a public spectacle out of their generosity like all the attention whores. 

Others ridiculed the people who participated in order to get out of having to give. This one had a little bit of a point since there were a large number of people who had completely misunderstood how this was supposed to work. People willing to dump the ice were not supposed to do this to get out of donating. It was to be able to give a smaller amount and pass the challenge on to others to raise even more money.

Now, these posts may have already been there before I participated and I was only now noticing because I had recently done it. Also, none of this was directed specifically toward me. Since I was seeing it on Facebook, that means it was coming from my friends. People who I love and I know love me, so I did not take any of this personally, but it did bother me a bit. Suggesting that me participating in fundraising for a worthy charity was bad or self-serving in some way just didn't sit well with me.

First of all, suggesting that the people who participated in this challenge are a bunch of greedy attention whores* is completely unfair. It is true that I only donated to ALS because I was nominated for the challenge. Sure, I could have donated without participating or even without having been nominated, but there are literally thousands of causes out there. No one knows which causes or how many causes I may already be contributing to. They also don't know how much or for how long I have been giving. The fact that I put a video of my dumping ice water on my head does not prove that I only give when it is a game. A person's generosity (or lack of) is in no way indicated by whether or not they chose to participate in this phenomenon.

^*The attention whore part I will concede to. I am and always have been an attention whore.

In fact, there are literally thousands of very generous people out there who have not contributed to this cause. They have been giving to other causes that they are passionate about. It may be to feed starving children, prevent animal cruelty, raise domestic abuse awareness, clean up a city park, elect a political official, protect the mosquitoes, bring back bell-bottom jeans, or an infinite number of other possible causes. Once again, whether or not a person participated in the Ice Bucket Challenge will tell the observers absolutely nothing about the generosity of that person.

That's a lot of zeros

I will even take this a little further. Participating in the challenge and participating publicly contributes more money to the cause than giving privately. If I privately contribute $100 to ALS, then ALS has $100 they didn't have before and that is a good thing. However, it stops right there. On the other hand, if I give $50 and then challenge three others to do the same, the $50 each of them contributes (plus my $50) adds up to a total of $200 instead of just the original $100. This doesn't even add in the money that will get contributed by the people that they challenge and then the people that they challenge. Even if people only contribute $10 instead of $50, it is still vastly more than the original $100. However the numbers deviate, it cannot be denied that in whatever way people participated or contributed or even completely misunderstood the point of how this is supposed to work, $114 million dollars has been raised with this challenge.

$114,000,000
That's a lot of zeros.

If we had relied on the adage of people should just give more, then this money would not have been raised. I salute the person or team who came up with this idea and I am sure it will not be the last time that people are looked down upon for doing something good.

I Think I'm Back

You know, it's really easy to maintain a blog when you are only posting once every few months.

I feel that I owe you all an apology. My writing has really slacked off in the last year. I do have a reason for this, but most people don't want to hear excuses. That doesn't mean I won't offer any, it just means most people don't like hearing them and fortunately for me, I am not most people. I am only me and me has been busy.

However, I have reason to believe that my writing is about to start up again. Mainly, because the thing that has kept me so busy has just come to an end. After several years of hard work, I finally completed my Master's Degree. This means that I have a lot of spare time now as compared to the last 30 months.

DISCLAIMER: It's pat myself on the back time.

Plus,  I graduated with a 4.0 GPA. I got straight A's through the entire program. This means the very thing I am always telling my family, neighbors, co-workers, and students:
I AM A GENIUS!

Since I am a genius, I have a social responsibility to share my intellectual insights with the rest of the world. Therefore, I will start writing again this week. Plus, a woman at my new church just discovered my blog and I need to produce some new stuff for her to read. I wouldn't want to give her the wrong impression before she gets to know me personally.

Blast from the Past (Literally)

Yesterday, upon checking my email, I found a rather strange message in my inbox. It took me a moment to figure out what it was.

I have not graduated from Greenville. Thank you for the reminder, past self.

Actually, I have changed my major (and school) since then. Plus, the Greenville program was not designed for a two-year graduation anyway. A fact I did not know at the time.

Pushing the reasoning to the side, it was cool to receive a message from myself sent two years previous. I remember it now. In 2011, I stumbled across a site (FutureMe.org) that allows people to send emails to be sent at some point in the future. Having just gotten my Bachelor's and expecting to have my Master's in another 2 years, I sent a congratulations to myself.

There is a legitimate reason for me not having accomplished this goal, but maybe I could use this site for future shame motivation. Knowing that I will have an encouraging message congratulating me for the epic moments in my life will give me a little extra push to further enjoy the message when it arrives. Or, even better, I could send congratulatory messages to myself about things that are not on track right now. Knowing that the message is coming will be embarrassing if I have not accomplished it by the time it arrives, so I will have the extra motivation to try harder and make it happen.

Examples:

To be received 15 months from today:

Dear Future Brett,
     Congratulations on graduating Summa Cum Laude from LCU. Your dedication and perseverance paid off.

To be received on August 18, 2017:

Dear Future Brett, 
     Many congratulations on being hired into the TESOL program at the University of Maui. With your credentials and talent, there was no reason you should have doubted yourself.

To be received on December 3, 2017:

Dear Future Brett,
     Wow!!! You were promoted to the head of the linguistic department in less than one semester after being hired. Congratulations on having your skills recognized so quickly.

To be received on February 19, 2021:

Dear Future Dr. Minor,
     Good luck at the U.N. Cultural Relations division. They knew what they were doing when they hired you. After establishing peace in the Middle East during your Israeli/Pacific Islands language professor exchange, you were the obvious choice.

To be received on October 8, 2024:

Dear Future Intergalactic Peace Director Minor,
     The entire planet owes you their undying gratitude for talking down the alien invaders last month. You really went above and beyond using your language skills to help settle the grievances against them from the Orion Trade Alliance. Being welcomed back into the Alliance, they now have no need for the resources of our planet. The Nobel Peace Prize was well deserved.

Now that I am sending out these emails to myself, I have no choice but to do two things.

1. NEVER change my email address.
2. Avoid any shame by not accomplishing the goals I am being congratulated for.

The entire universe will become a better place because I discovered this website. Be sure to send them a donation.

May I Finish, Please?

This post was written in preparation for "Finish the Sentence Friday." I know it is not Friday yet, but each week, Kate gives a heads up on what the sentence for the next week will be. I wasn't really interested in last week's prompt, but I knew exactly what I would be writing about when I saw the prompt for the following week and I will link up as soon as her blog is ready for it. Here is her sentence to finish:

I get so frustrated when…

---

I get so frustrated when…people interrupt me.

I will have to explain this one, especially since it doesn't always bother me. It is only frustrating when it happens under certain conditions.

Most people don't like to be interrupted when they're speaking. We are taught from a very young age that it is impolite. Cutting someone off mid-sentence is right up there with chewing with your mouth open, staring or pointing at people, calling someone names, and putting your penis elbows on the dinner table. It is just not something you are supposed to do. However, it seems to happen with the same frequency as Charlie Sheen calling his coke dealer.

I am fully aware that as much as I hate having this done to me, I am not totally innocent. I have been known to do it as well. However, I do try to keep myself in check and hopefully don't do it very often. Truthfully, the people that don't do it often I really don't even notice. The times I do notice is particularly when I have a story I am trying to tell or have something I really want to contribute to the conversation, but for some reason the other person just won't let me say it…even after several attempts.

Years ago, I was married to a woman who had this bad habit. After coming home from work, I would try to tell her something about my day. As soon as I would start, I might get cut off with a suggestion for us to out for dinner that night. I would reply and then start my story again. After a sentence or two, she would ask if I remembered to pick something up from town. I would answer and then get back to my story. After about the fifth time of being cut off, I would give up.

This happened often enough that I felt like a jerk when I would sometimes explode and burst out, "Are you going to let me tell my story or not!" She would then look at me surprised and say, "Sure. Go ahead." Apparently, she had no idea she was doing it. I sought a new way to try to let her know without actually saying anything so we could both save face. I tried several tactics.

1. Continue speaking - When cut off, just keep talking like it never happened. This is difficult since you don't want to have a reaction when it first happens. You just want to continue on naturally. 
• Benefits - You get the satisfaction of knowing that you have easily communicated what they have done without saying anything to them about it.
• Drawbacks - Your story isn't really being heard until they realize what is happenning and stop talking. Then they missed the first part and you may not be understood. Also, they end up looking like a jerk if done in a crowd.


2. Start over -When interrupted, politely stop talking and wait your turn again. Regardless of the direction they have taken the conversation, start your story over again (from the beginning). Do this every time you are cut off and always restart, do not just pick up where you left off.
• Benefits - You may get to deliver your entire thought in one piece the way you intended it.
• Drawbacks - You end up sounding like a babbling idiot.


3. Talk louder - When you get interrupted, just keep talking (see #1), but raise your voice to talk over the person that has interrupted you.
• Benefits - You don't have to start over and you get to finish your thought.
• Drawbacks - You look like a jerk.

I tried every one of these with no success. It was noticed that I was doing it and it usually only succeeded in making her mad. I even explained why I was doing it, but nothing worked. Plus, another drawback to each of these practices was the mental removal of myself from the actual conversation. I started concentrating on the game rather than the words she was saying. Also, once I got into the habit of employing one of these techniques, it had a way of getting used outside the privacy of my home as well. I gave up on the talk louder technique when I raised my voice to talk over my boss when he had interrupted me at work. I didn't mean to, but I had developed the habit. My explanation to him didn't seem to help matters.

Today, when someone cuts me off, I just go back to telling my story when it is my turn again. I don't even notice until about the third or fourth time it has happened in the same conversation. I have learned that it is even more rude to tell someone they have interrupted you than it is to interrupt someone. After several attempts at trying to tell the same story, I just give up. In fact, I usually just excuse myself from the entire conversation.

Of course, then they want to know why I am being so quiet. In these situations, I have also learned that it doesn't really help to ask them why they won't let you speak, but are also concerned when you don't. I have yet to figure out how to properly navigate this conversational maze.

They look very attentive.

I sometimes wonder if it might be beneficial for society to adopt the conch shell method from Lord of the Flies. The one holding the shell gets to speak. When it is passed to someone else, then they may have their turn. Only the person holding the shell gets to talk and anyone who starts speaking without the shell is reprimanded by the entire group. The method seemed to work for them…until they started running naked through the jungle, bashed Piggy's head in with a rock, and started killing each other for sport. We may need to figure out where things went wrong, but it was a good system for a little while.

In the meantime, I will use my favorite go-to method of dealing with people most of the time…I will avoid them. I don't seem to have these problems when I am sitting at home.

---

This week's post also correlates to the writing prompt supplied by Something Clever 2.0 for its Theme Thursday post. This week's theme: Pet Peeves.

That worked out pretty well. Knocked out the themes for two different linkups in one post.

Fortune Cookie #6 - Confidence Isn't Enough

I recently got to visit my favorite local restaurant again, China Buffet #6. As usual, I was very happy with the experience right up to the very last bite. At the end, they brought me my bill and accompanying fortune cookie. Here was my fortune:

They can because they think they can.

When I do these fortune cookie posts, I often feign ignorance at what they mean to try to pull a post out of it, but for this one I want to make it clear that I completely understand the meaning. I just vehemently disagree.

I have heard the following phrase hundreds of times and know it has been used by sales seminars, self-help books and new age gurus:

"Whether you think you can or cannot, you are right."

Stewie Griffin even said it once to Brian in an episode of Family Guy. The idea behind it is fairly simple. Often the biggest deterrent to your success is your own self doubt. I can't disagree with that. There are a lot of people who do not succeed because they never step forward to do what is necessary to succeed due to the fact that they do not believe in themselves. However, that is not what this fortune cookie said.

While it is similar, it is not the same.

I am sorry to inform all you bright eyed youngsters who believed your mother when she said, "You can do anything you set your mind to." It's not true. Your mother lied to you. It takes a whole lot more than just determination, belief, and a healthy self-esteem to accomplish most significant tasks.

Several years ago, my brother Trevor had just left the bar with a girl and was driving home when they came upon a bull in the middle of the road. Despite the fact that the ditches were shallow and he was driving a large jacked-up, four-wheel drive truck, he decided to get out and move the bull by hand rather than drive around it or nudge it with the bumper. Trevor fully believed that he could impress this girl move this bull, but his belief did not prevent his horn-shaped puncture wounds, loss of hair and skin, and days of soreness that he experienced later.

When I was a teenager standing in the bed of my buddy's truck, I firmly believed that I would be able to jump into the bed of another friend's truck as he sped by. The idea that it might not work never even crossed my mind. A few minutes later, when my friends dragged my bloody body into the nearest bar to seek medical assistance (yes, we went to a bar), I fully believed that my shock-induced pick up lines were good enough to break through the sight of my injuries to the cute bartender who was tending to my wounds. As she was applying antiseptic and asked where else I was hurt, I started to undo my belt. She just left me bleeding in the back room.

My brother Kyle was about 8 years old when he believed he could do a flip out of the barn loft at our grandfather's house. He believed it because I thought it would be cool to see and convinced him he could do it. I did such a good job of pumping up his confidence, that soon I even believed he could do it…right up to the moment he leapt out and belly flopped onto the grass twelve feet below. Then, I believed Dad would make me pay for my idea. That belief was correct.

In each of these instances, not only was believing in success not enough to make it happen, but it was the firm belief that something could be done that got us into trouble to begin with. There is usually a reason for caution. Not everything can be done just because you are confident and believe in yourself.

Some people's belief in themselves is so deeply rooted that they can't see the truth even after it has been shown to them. In this video, the contestant truly believed he had what it took.

I have worked with youth for close to two decades and have met literally hundreds of teens who were convinced they were going to be professional athletes. There was no doubt in their minds. They didn't just want to do this, they believed it with their entire being. However, they were lacking a key feature needed in order to succeed: the necessary talent.

NOPE! They can because they are good enough.

Believing that you will go to college will not get you there. It takes work. Believing your business will be a success will not make it happen. It requires a good business plan, hard work, long hours, wise decisions and a host of other factors. Believing you are going to win American Idol because your grandma convinced you that you are better than any of those "screeching idiots on the radio" will not impress Simon or even the nicer judges.

I am not suggesting that people should not pursue their dreams and I will agree that success usually starts with someone believing that something can be done, but that belief is only the very beginning and is definitely not the factor that makes it happen. There is so much more involved. We've all met that incredible cocky person who believes they are the greatest in the world at something (or in some cases, everything). Yet, despite that person's incredible belief, they never accomplish anything worthy. Belief is overrated. Success is achieved by hard work and persistence. Sometimes, even then, it sometimes still doesn't come. I leave you with the wise words of the poet Shel Silverstein.

The Little Blue Engine

The little blue engine looked up at the hill.

His light was weak, his whistle was shrill.

He was tired and small, and the hill was tall,

And his face blushed red as he softly said,

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

So he started up with a chug and a strain,

And he puffed and pulled with might and main.

And slowly he climbed, a foot at a time,

And his engine coughed as he whispered soft,

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

With a squeak and a creak and a toot and a sigh,

With an extra hope and an extra try,

He would not stop — now he neared the top —

And strong and proud he cried out loud,

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!”

He was almost there, when — CRASH! SMASH! BASH!

He slid down and mashed into engine hash

On the rocks below... which goes to show

If the track is tough and the hill is rough,

THINKING you can just ain’t enough!