MC Hammer is Black

Due to my recent YouTube addiction (click here), last night my daughter and I were discussing music and pulling up videos on the XBOX. I do not remember exactly how we got to this part in the conversation, but my daughter made some comment about the white rapper MC Hammer. I laughed and she gave me a funny look. I thought she was making a joke that I was just not cool enough to get.

ME: Kirsten, MC Hammer is black.

KIRSTEN: No, he's not.

ME: Yes, yes, he is. You must have him confused with Vanilla Ice. (I figured since we were discussing music from before she was born, she must have switched some people.)

KIRSTEN: No, I don't. Vanilla Ice did ICE ICE BABY and the stupid song for that Turtles movie.

ME: (very impressed by the movie reference) I know who he is. So who are you talking about?

KIRSTEN: MC Hammer!!! You know! U CAN'T TOUCH THIS (she demonstrated the trade mark dance) He wore those ridiculous parachute pants.

ME: (impressed again) Well, that's the right guy, but he's black.

KIRSTEN: No, Dad, he's white. Why do you always lie to me? 

ME: Are you messing with me?

KIRSTEN: Never mind.

There were always questions
about Michael Jackson, but this guy
is definitely black.

Since most of our conversations end that way, I stopped trying. However, I did turn to the XBOX to find the video. As soon as his face hit the screen, she excitedly exclaimed, "Since when is MC Hammer black?" She even posted the question on Facebook. She sat and watched the entire video to confirm I was telling the truth. When it was over, I asked her, "So, who were you thinking of?" She replied, "It was him. I just thought he was white."

This conversation was the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning. How did this happen? Have I failed as a parent? I have put forth great effort into exposing my kids to music and film that go beyond what the masses tell them to like. My daughter is a great lover of foreign cinema and independent films. My son once impressed the adults on a long bus trip when he knew all the words to the songs they were singing, despite the fact that most of them were popular twenty to forty years before he was born.

Kirsten's musical tastes include Frank Sinatra, David Bowie, Blondie and the Beatles. She does listen to today's music as well, but it is groups like Hush Sound, Dresden Dolls, Clocktower Showdown and Bobby Birdman. You don't hear these groups on the radio. She has a very broad and eclectic musical taste. So, what happened here? If I have somehow missed this, what else might she be misinformed about?

Does she know that Garth Brooks and Chris Gaines are the same person? Did she miss the clues that 99 Red Balloons was an anti-nuclear arms song? Does she know the secret identity of Hannah Montana? Does she understand the connection between Taylor Swift, Kanye West and Beyoncé Knowles?

 Maybe, I am looking at this the wrong way. It could be that I have done a superb job of helping her to see past color and just recognize people. That would be a good thing. For most people, if they don't know who a rapper is, they would start with the assumption that he is black, but not my daughter. She doesn't stereotype people. However, I can see issues with this as well.

Would George Lopez still be funny if you didn't recognize he was Mexican? Chris Rock's career is based on his color. If he told those same jokes and my daughter thought he was white, would she find them racist? Where does she stand on the color of Martin Luther King? Would it make a difference? Can she tell the difference between Jamie Foxx and Jamie Farr? Or Will Smith and Wil Wheaton?

I believe I am making too much of this. I have a tendency to over think things. Plus, this one simplified itself for me later. When my daughter rolled out of bed at two in the afternoon and groggily slurred out "Good morning," I figured it out. I'm getting her tested. Maybe she's just not very bright.

Another Way to Waste My Time

I finished my final class for the semester last week. I now have one semester of Master's level work behind me and I have discovered that work at this level is not really harder than Bachelor's degree work, . . . but there is a lot more of it. My professor, apparently, does not believe in grades. I have this class a week behind me and have still not seen a grade from the first week of class. I have no idea where I stand. I believe I did well, but have no way to prove it or really have any confidence at all.

Since I have finished the class, I find myself with much more free time. My schedule at the Sheriff's office is set for the next month so I can't get any more hours there to take up time and being the end of the semester I am not getting many calls to substitute teach. Therefore, I am home all day.

My Christmas shopping is done, the house is clean, I don't like people enough to want to go out and see anyone and it is getting too cold to leave the house anyway. Shaving only uses up about 10 minutes and can only be done once a day. Trimming your toenails can take up more time, but once they're done, they require no more maintenance for a few weeks. I have reached a point where I do not know what to do with myself.

I am currently working my way through
season four of Prison Break

A few days ago, I pulled out an old video game I hadn't played in a while and spent the day with my XBOX. I had fun. Especially since I have gotten XBOX LIVE since the last time I really played any games. I use it mostly for access to Netflix instant streaming. I don't watch a lot of movies on it, but there are so many old TV shows that I missed when they were on, it can easily burn some hours. However, you can only watch so much television. I decided that I could spend some of my time over the break playing video games, so I went to my brother's house to try to con some video games from his sons.

I asked if I could borrow every game they are not currently playing and they happily handed them over. To my surprise, there was no need to make a deal or try to trick them. That must mean I have some endearing qualities. Or maybe I was the recipient of their Christmas charity. I haven't decided yet, but I've been playing those games for the last week. They have been an entertaining way to pass the time, until Saturday.

That afternoon, after enduring an office Christmas party, I came home and fired up the XBOX. As the screens were loading, I noticed a new symbol on the right panel. It was the YouTube logo. I downloaded the free app and fired it up. YouTube videos are now accessible from the XBOX. How cool is that? I spent the next several hours pulling up some of my favorite videos and searching for a few new ones. This has since become a problem. I can't seem to get enough. This is one of the videos I have been wasting my time with.

I have spent literally days watching old skits from the Muppet Show, SCTV, Saturday Night Live and Whitest Kids You Know. I have pulled up old cartoons to show Kirsten. Some of the ones from last night include: Grape Ape, Speed Buggy, Ricochet Rabbit, Captain Caveman and Superchicken. We have watched music videos, videos our friends have made, sang along with Biz Markie and observed an alien autopsy. I have watched 'how-to' videos on how to escape a bear attack, how to throw your voice and how to safely build a self-detonating door knob bomb. ANYTHING you want is at your fingertips.

Many of you may be thinking, "YouTube has been around for years. What's the big deal?" Let me try to explain.

It's now on my TV!!!

These useless videos are no longer hidden in the recesses of the Internet on my computer in the back room. They are in my living room. I cannot get away from them. How many different electric guitar renditions of Beethoven's 5th Symphony do I need to see? Practical jokes, nut shots, cute animals, BMX wipeouts, UFO sightings, impossible basketball shots, llamas with hats, magic tricks, vaudeville, karaoke and any other event that has ever been captured on camera is there. Every time I turn on my television from this point on, I will be faced with the reality that I can watch literally anything I can think of. I will no longer have to scan through the channels to see what is on, because everything is on. Ten years ago, I would have thought this was awesome. Now that it's a reality, it's a sensory overload. Yet, I can't look away, I can't go to bed and I can only answer the door to show someone a video of the latest bum fight.

It's a little depressing, but I have come to grips with the knowledge that I will one day die surrounded by potato chip bags in front of my TV. When the paramedics arrive, they will take their time removing me so they can finish the episode of Fraggle Rock playing on the television.