Show Me the Money!

In my last post, about losing my motorcycle keys, I mentioned that we had intended to go to Đà Nẵng to sort out some banking issues. And I hope you are ready for a thrill ride because this post is about that trip to the bank. 

Exciting…I know.

The reason for this trip was because the banking system I use is not really a bank. It is a third-party liaison designed for English-speaking foreigners to be able to easily take care of their finances. It is called TIMO (short for TIme and MOney) and it is amazing. It makes my banking so easy.

However, last month they informed all of their clients that they were cutting ties with the bank they partner with and were moving to a new bank. This meant that all of their services would stop working on a certain day. We would need to download their new app TIMO+ and pop into one of their "hangouts" to get everything switched to the new account with their new bank partner.

They call them hangouts because it sounds better than calling them offices, I guess. But they are very adamant that it is not a bank. They handle no money. They only initiate and process paperwork. And they are not bad places to hang out. They serve free drinks (including beer) while you are there.

The week before, I had popped in for my appointment to switch everything over and was informed that it wasn't really necessary unless I wanted to. I still had an account at the original bank. I just wouldn't have the third-party between us anymore.

Now, as much as I would have liked to keep the convenience of having an English-speaking go-between, I did have some concerns about switching to a new bank. I can't go into all the specifics here, but it had to do with me getting a new passport since opening the account, getting a work permit and residency card, and how Vietnamese taxes work. Going to a new bank would have made things very complicated and possibly have messed a few things up for us long-term, so I opted to stay with the bank I was already in.

Choosing to stay with the bank meant that I had to now go to that bank (for the first time), get a new banking app tied directly to them, get a new ATM card and let them know my intentions to stay. However, without the foreigner liaison service to help me, I was totally on my own and my Vietnamese is far from functional.

I have no idea what is happening.

I had gone in right after my meeting with TIMO, but their computers were down so no one could help me. Then, Typhoon Noul came through. Almost two weeks passed before I got back to the bank.

When I got there, a lovely young woman was coerced by the other tellers motioned for me to sit at her desk. She spoke ZERO English…but she recognized the word TIMO. I assume many foreigners have stepped in who were with TIMO and wanted to stay. She pulled up her computer and said "passport."

This is were everything got screwed up.

Remember when I said I had two passports? Well, I handed her the wrong one. I didn't realize what I had done until she had opened it. "Oh, wait! You need this one."

She didn't understand my words, but she did recognize that I had two passports with my picture and name in them. She got on her phone and through a translation app asked me, "Do you have documentation that these are both the same person?"

I knew I was going to be in for a long morning. My passport is my documentation. No one also carries around extra papers explaining that their passport is real. I grabbed both passports and held them up next to my face. These are me. I then pointed out the birth date on each one and the name. They are the same. I then took the new one and pocketed it. Holding the old one, I told her (for the rest of this story, remember that all communication is severely slowed and misunderstood due to having to use our phones to communicate in the different languages), "This is the one you need."

Unfortunately, she asked for my new passport back and kept looking at them side to side. She then called over other tellers to look at them. They discussed this extensively and started making phone calls. After close to an hour of their confusion (which I understand), she told me that this was a highly unusual situation and they needed to speak with their superiors. She asked for my information so she could contact me in a few days.

I had already been there for a LONG time and my patience was starting to wear thin. Although, I knew this was not their fault. I was irritated, but did not want to take it out on her. I informed her that I had had an account at that bank for two years. I understood that they might be confused about things, but I had not had access to my money for almost two weeks. She could contact anyone she likes, but I needed to get my financial situation resolved today. If I could not get money today, I would just close my account.

I really didn't want to do this because then I would have to open an account with my new passport and I wanted to avoid that if possible.

She looked at me defeated, like "What do you want me to do?"

I took a deep breath to make sure I wasn't getting too excited. Once again, this was not her fault. As frustrated as I might be, she was only doing her job. I pointed at the passport number in my old passport and asked her to type in my number. So far, she had not even looked up my account. She did as I asked and found me. I verified that the amount in the account was correct and she saw that it had my name on it. OKAY! We are starting to get somewhere. Now that I had her attention somewhere other than the extra passport, maybe I could accomplish my goal today.

In order to pay our bills, I needed to get the mobile app up and working, but that requires help from the bank. I couldn't do it all remotely. It took almost another hour of us downloading apps, sending emails back and forth, and using Facebook Messenger to share links so I could access what I needed to. I had done all of this at home, but not knowing Vietnamese meant that I had not understood the verification instructions. I was supposed to send a text message with a code to a specific number they had sent me and then take the new code they would send me back and plug it into the website. She helped me through all of it. Then she re-activated the ATM card I was already carrying.

Everything was fixed (after almost two hours) and we headed out the door. I was happy to have the passport issue behind me and prayed it would be forgotten about. I left the bank very happy to have access to our money again.

A few days later, that teller messages me.

Forgive the way it is worded. She ran this through a translator before sending to me. And I knew what she was asking. With all the confusion, they never got my new number. So, I played dumb.

Haven't heard from her since. I hope that's the end of it.

International living can be fun.

Last Place You Look

I have a confession to make. I am lazy.

I will be playing dead on the couch all day just in case a bear attacks. That's not lazy, that's proactive.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) September 28, 2013

I got called lazy today. I almost replied.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) August 19, 2013

Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today's responsibilities tomorrow's problem.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) April 24, 2012

You call it lazy, I call it selective participation..

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) September 12, 2013

If you've never tried to use "the force" to get a an out-of-reach remote control, you're probably not as lazy as me.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) November 9, 2013

The oldest of these tweets is from 2012, so I think it is clear that I have known this about myself for quite some time.

I am also quite comfortable with it. Like inappropriately comfortable. My sloth knows no bounds.

However, occasionally, I have to get some stuff done. Earlier this week was one of those days.

Living in a foreign land, some things are quite different than back home. One of those things is our banking situation. I have never set foot in or spoken to a single person at our bank. I don't even know where it is. I do all my transactions through a third party designed for foreigners. It is called TIMO. And last month, TIMO and the bank that actually holds our money parted ways.

This means that my TIMO phone app and ATM card no longer work. I have no access to my money. I am going to actually have to go into a bank (30 miles away) and try to get all the new stuff (ATM card and actual bank app) without being able to speak the local language. I was not looking forward to this, but it is one of those things that has to be done. After all, they have all our money and we do not have any way to get it. We kind of need it. I tend to be hungry a lot.

Because we live in the tropics, the sun can be unforgiving. This is something that must be taken into account when you use a motorcycle to travel everywhere. Hours traveling on a motorcycle in the tropical sun has beaten me down on more than one occasion. So, these trips to Đà Nẵng require certain measures. Despite the temperature being close to 100, I wear long pants and often long sleeves.

But the most important measure for me is getting an early start. I try to be on the road by 7:30. That would get us to the bank when it opens and if there are no problems, we would hopefully be back home before 10 a.m. Safe from the treacherous satanball trying to kill us from the sky.

We popped out of bed early. Got our breakfast and showers out of the way and were headed out the door at about 7:15. We were doing great on time! The UV demons would not get us today.

I reached for the key bowl by the door and came up empty.

Although rare, this happens now and then. I popped into the backroom to see if I had tossed them on my desk the night before. I had not. I then checked the pockets of the shorts I had worn the previous night. They weren't there either. At this point, Red started helping me look. 

We checked the kitchen table, all the counters, around the motorcycle outside, under the bed, our nightstands, and the coffee table. We even looked in the freezer. Where could they be?

After spending over half an hour tearing the house apart, it occurred to me that I may have locked them in the seat of the motorcycle. It has a small storage compartment that can be opened using the ignition key. If I locked it in there, I wouldn't have the key to open it and check.

So, I did something I did not want to do. I went next door to my landlord's house. He is the sweetest man and takes very good care of us, but he is almost 70 and I do my best not to disturb him unless I really need to. Plus, he does not speak a word of English. We call him Dad.

I showed Dad my problem and hoped he had a way to get into the seat that I might not know about. He tried all the same things that I did. Nothing worked.

Through pantomime and exchanged grunting, he suggested we have the ignition changed out. I didn't see any other choice so I agreed. I pulled up my Google Maps so he could show me where to go, but he insisted on speaking into the translator on my phone. The words I got back from the phone were useless, but he would not show me on the map. I don't believe he understood how it worked.

I was already a little embarrassed for losing my keys, but it only got worse from here.

My well-meaning landlord was going to help me get my motorcycle to the mechanic. He backed my bike into the street and went to get his.

Dad motioned for me to get on his bike and he sat on mine. His intention was to have me push him like in the following video.

But it just didn't work. I couldn't even get him started. I don't know if my angle was wrong, but it wouldn't work. Plus, even if I had gotten him moving, I didn't have any clue where we were going. Negotiating turns would have been very awkward. Besides, we live on very narrow back-alley streets. Not much room to maneuver. 

Dad realized this was not going to work, so he hopped off and started pushing my bike. I tried to stop him because there is no reason a 70-year-old man needs to push my bike for me. I can push it myself. I just need to know where to go. He did not listen to me and just kept moving. So, I was riding his bike at 2 MPH behind him while he pushed in 100-degree heat.

When we got to the first corner, he had me get on my bike. Good! Now I won't feel like such a putz. He tried to push my bike with his foot while he was on his own bike. Like in the above video. Once again, it did not work. He had me hop off again and started pushing my bike down the road. I could not get him to stop and let me do it. I eventually went back and got on his bike and slowly followed him while the local Vietnamese people watched us go by and gave me dirty looks. I don't blame them. At this moment, I literally was the fat, lazy American.

About 1,500 feet later, we came to the end of this road and his adult daughter Hanh appeared from the other direction on foot. He told her what we were doing and she nodded. She then took my bike and yelled over her shoulder, "Brett, go home." 

Hanh knows a total of maybe 100 English words. I often get basic sentences like this one from her. 

Dad tried to get me on his bike with him so we could go back, but I really wanted to go with Hanh. If I knew where she was taking my bike, then this was something I could take care of on my own in the future. I like to be self-sufficient when it is possible. However, I was having great difficulty getting Dad to understand why I wanted to follow. And the last thing I wanted to do is be unintentionally insulting. He was going out of his way to help and I wanted to be appreciative. Plus, as I looked back over my shoulder, Hanh had gotten a passerby to start pushing her on the bike. I guess she was more coordinated than us. She was gone. So, I accepted the ride home and waited.

An hour later, Hanh showed up with my bike and told me how much it cost. I paid her and thanked her profusely. I was so thankful, but totally embarrassed and felt utterly helpless.

After she left, we opened the bike seat only to discover the key was not in the seat. That means it was somewhere in the house and would turn up eventually. The changing of the ignition was not necessary, but there was no way of knowing how long it would be before we came across it. We had done what we had to do.

At this point, it was about noon and it had been a stressful morning. Defeated, I turned to Red and suggested we take off to a nice restaurant and try to put the morning behind us. She wholeheartedly agreed. I grabbed my new key and we got our helmets to head outside.

FOUND IT!!!

The key was in a motorcycle helmet that never got picked up because we realized we had no key to go anywhere. I'm beginning to wonder if embarrassment has an upper limit.

Fortune Cookie #15 - Diversity

I dove into my collection of fortune cookies this morning and came out with this gem.

A diversity of friends is a
credit to your flexible nature.

My immediate thought was that this is one of those rare fortunes that is actually accurate. I DO have a very diverse group of friends. But on further reflection, I realized that this diversity was actually forced on me.

I haven't lived in America for 4 years. In fact, my Facebook Memories this morning had a video of me showing off our empty apartment in Indianapolis hours before leaving it for the first time. We left our home four years ago today.

Since then, we have lived in China for 20 months and have now been in Vietnam for over two years. And we have a wide diversity of friends.

Countries our friends are from:

Australia

Thailand

South Africa

Jamaica

Peru

England

Taiwan

Vietnam

Mexico

New Zealand

France

Romania

Ireland

Russia

China 

South Korea

Canada

Malaysia

Singapore

I am sure there are a few I haven't thought of, but these are the people we associate with. And with so many different cultures over the years, a level of flexibility is necessary. However, I have to acknowledge that it wasn't our flexibility that gave us such a diverse friend group. It was our circumstances.

When you live the expat life, you meet a lot of other people doing the same. Yes, we get to know many of the locals, but we also meet up with and get to know the people who are "foreigners" here. Wherever they may be from.

When I lived in Indianapolis, I guess I had a diversity of friends. I met a lot of people through my job at Amazon and had friends from all walks of life. People of various colors, creeds, religions, and countries. There I had friends from six different African nations. Immigrants from Tanzania, Kenya, Senegal, Namibia, Egypt, and Ghana. However, once again, I met these people because of my job. I guess it does require some flexibility in order for us to form friendships, but work gets the credit for putting us together.

I grew up in an all-white, Polish Catholic community. A very small town.

I don't write this to make it sound like it was a racist place. Many small towns across America are the result of settlers from a couple hundred years ago settling there. The town I lived in and a few of the surrounding towns were heavily comprised of people with Polish ancestry. In fact, a few of the old-timers still spoke Polish. A few towns over was a town of heavy German ancestry. That's where you could go to buy the best sausages. You still can. There was another town that was heavily French. These cultural distinctions are still evident today despite it being many generations since the towns were founded by people emigrating from those countries.

However, being all European settlements meant basically all white residents. Growing up, this was my group of friends.

Can you say DRUNKEN REDNECKS?

There are a few of my old crowd missing from that picture, but you can trust me when I say they would just be more of the same. The only diversity among our group was when we decided to spring for Stag beer instead of our usual cheap Milwaukee's Best.

I am not saying anything bad about these guys. They were (and still are) some of the best friends I ever had. And as for the lack of diversity, it wasn't because of a deficiency of flexibility or racism. It was because of proximity and geography. Most of us had no real interactions with Asians, Latinos, or African-Americans until we turned sixteen and had to get jobs in the bigger city where there was work.

Other cultures just weren't around. There were Polish people and the few of us who weren't. Even if we had a black friend from the city, it's not like they would have wanted to come hang out in our redneck haven anyway. And I can't say I would blame them.

I am not trying to claim there was no racism in my small town. There was, but I have to admit that I was probably blind to most of it since it didn't affect me and, other than the occasional after-school special, I'd never been challenged to even think about it.

I remember going off to college when I was about 30 and loving the fact that I had a neighbor family from Myanmar. Across the hall were three roommates from three African nations. All men who had left their families behind to get an American education and would then return home. I have never had this kind of proximity with the outer-world before.

So, thank you to the cookie for having so much faith in my flexible nature, but location must be given its credit also. I am sure that if I had never left Scheller, IL, I still wouldn't really have international friends or friends of different colors other than people I might meet at work.

 I am so grateful for the intercultural experiences I am having now and wouldn't trade them for anything.

Checking In With Myself

Every now and then it is a good idea to stop and take a little inventory of what is happening in your life. I did this about a year ago and when I stumbled upon that post, I thought I would try it again.

MAKING 

Lots and lots of great memories. My life for the last five years has been a whirlwind of travel, activity, and adventure. I love my life and just wish to keep making more of it.

 

COOKING

Due to the global pandemic and all the adjustments that have been made to accommodate our new restrictions, we have done more cooking in the last few months. Of course, the way we cook here is radically different than when we were in the States. Not only do we not have access to most of the foods we are familiar with from America, but the kitchen setup is different also. For example, we do not have an oven. No one here does. Baking is just not something people here do. We cook a lot of meals with a small pressure cooker. We make some amazing chicken and rice dishes and I have learned how to bake potatoes with it. This week we are going to buy an air fryer. I am very excited to start using it.

DRINKING

One of the perks of living in Vietnam is their phenomenal coffee. It is wonderful. It doesn't just taste better, it is a totally different kind of coffee.  First, the world recognizes the Arabica bean as the superior bean. Coffee shops in America advertise 100% Arabica. However, it is the Robusta bean that grows here. So, before we even get into the different process they use here, they already use a different kind of bean. The Robusta bean has a stronger flavor and can be quite bitter if not prepared properly. The flavor is so much stronger, the Vietnamese do not understand the concept of Arabica bean coffee. It just tastes likes dirty water to them. That's why Starbucks, despite their many efforts, keeps failing here. The Vietnamese just don't like it.

The most popular coffee here is cà phê sữa đá (iced coffee). It is a slow drip coffee filtered through a small metal pot directly into your glass. A small amount of condensed milk is added and it is served in ice. It is a very small amount of coffee, but the caffeine level is through the roof. That small drink is all you need.

 Our favorite brand is a type of weasel coffee. The weasel coffees are made with beans that have been passed through the digestive tract of a weasel. This is not a joke. Weasels are very picky about which beans they eat. They only eat the best, so those are the beans you want. The weasel swallows them whole and only digests the outside of the shell. The rest is passed through and made into great coffee.

When I'm not drinking coffee, I drink my aloe juice and rice milk.

The rest of the time, it is beer.

READING

I am currently about 80% through The Hunchback of Notre Dame. This is one of those books that everyone knows exists, but I had no idea what the actual story was. I never saw the Disney movie. I'm really enjoying it.

 I'm also reading: 

The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure by John Haidt

Unlearning Liberty: Campus Censorship and the End of American Debate by Greg Lukianoff

 

WANTING

That air fryer. I may run out and get it today.

 

LOOKING

I've had my eye out for a recliner for the last couple of months. We are going to be in this house for a long time and our living room sofa is terrible. More than 10 minutes in it causes a backache. I'm ready for some comfort.

 

PLAYING

I haven't really been playing anything, but I feel like my XBOX misses me. We should get reacquainted.

WASTING

I often feel like I am wasting time. I am quite happy with my life, but sometimes feel guilty that I'm not doing anything with it. I have a lot of free time. I am not bored, but sometimes wonder if I should be doing something.

WISHING

I would like to see my family. I'm not particularly homesick, but being so far away during this pandemic has greatly restricted travel. I couldn't leave this country without some major expense and hassle. And it would be impossible to get back in for the foreseeable future since the borders are locked. Not having the option to being able to see family makes me want to do it more.

  

ENJOYING

Life

 

WAITING

For the world to open up again.

  

LIKING

My freedom of being released from the traditional work force.

  

WONDERING

If I have already seen certain family members for the last time. With the state of the world right now, I honestly do not have any idea when I will be able to get back to the States. My parents are in their 70's. They are in great health, but old enough that it must be accepted they are in their last years. Plus, with a deadly virus ravaging around, you never know who might get sick and succumb to it. Not only my parents, but my kids, siblings, etc.

LOVING

The sun, my house, my wife, my free time.

 

MARVELING

At how I landed where I am. And at how long it took me to figure it out. I could have had this life 20 years ago if I had figured it out.

 

NEEDING

Not much. The only thing I can think of is "This town needs a decent Mexican restaurant."

 

SMELLING

The rice is being harvested right now. So, every time we step out for an errand the smell of the freshly cut rice crop is in the air. It is wonderful.

 

WEARING

T-shirt and shorts. No shoes. Same thing I wear every day.

 

FOLLOWING

I have recently started following a YouTube channel called Half as Interesting. It is great. Very educational and funny.

 

NOTICING

How many of my friends are morons and racists. The condition of the world and America right now has shown many people's true colors.

 

KNOWING

That I don't know nearly as much about anything as I thought I did.

 

THINKING

Life is what you make of it.

 

FEELING

Supremely content, but quite nostalgic lately.

 

OPENING

A new beer every day. Well, a few new beers.

 

LAUGHING

Every day. This one is easy.

Recognizing the Good Things

Over the course of my life, I have been accused of many things. I will not even begin to list them here, but I will tell you one of the things I have never been accused of:

Having a lack of confidence.

Now, to be honest, I have always been filled with self-doubt but I faked confidence because I've always believed it made people take me more seriously. Unfortunately, I often went overboard.

Not to sound arrogant, but I'm pretty confident that I'm the hottest man living in this house.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) July 22, 2019

As the years went on, I learned to dial it back a bit and come off as less of an arrogant jerk.

I used to think I was the smartest person in the world. Now…well, I still think that. I've just learned to not be so vocal about it.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) May 28, 2019

I think the youthful arrogance has gone by the wayside for the most part and now I just quietly live my life, but occasionally I feel my pride starting to swell. The past month has been good for my ego. Or bad - depending on how you look at it.

About a month ago, the mother of one of my online students asked me to quit my job and become her son's personal tutor. She offered me an ungodly amount of money for my wife and me to move to Beijing so I could work exclusively with her son for the remainder of his school career. (He just turned 6 two weeks ago.) She would cover all moving expenses and living expenses and then pay me a very impressive salary. It took some work to convince her that I would never move back to China, but the offer really made me take some pride in my work. I can honestly say that I am good at what I do.

Since then, my wife and I have been asked by a couple of different parents to come to visit them when Vietnam allows travel again. I have been invited to Harbin and Tokyo and Red has been invited to Hong Kong.

Last week, our landlords from our previous house contacted us begging us to come back. They even lowered the rent about 35% from what they were asking when we moved out a year ago. They really enjoyed us as tenants and are sad they created a situation (significant bump in rent) that caused us to leave. Good tenants are difficult to find. Plus, now with COVID, things are even more difficult. It is nice to be wanted.

Finally, just a few days ago, our current landlords commissioned me to be their grandson's ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher when he turns two. He is currently six months old. Once again, it is nice to be wanted. And it really feels good to be recognized for doing something well.

In the midst of all the misery and difficulties happening in the world right now, it is important to sometimes stop and consider the things that have been going right. We've had our setbacks like everyone else, but a quick consideration of the good things as well is good for everyone. We still have plenty to be thankful for.

Now, I just have to get past one of the things I have been accused of many times.

LAZINESS

Why do people keep wanting me to do stuff? It's like they don't even now me.

— GigaBrett (@brettminor) May 29, 2019

I Want It Now!

I think I'm ready to get a dog.

No. I know I'm ready. I've wanted a dog for the last year, but I just haven't gotten one yet. I've been concerned about the commitment of having a pet. So, I have stalled.

However, I have been coming more to the realization that my wife and I are home most of the time. This is the thing I have been most concerned about. What do you do with your dog when you leave the house? I don't just mean for the day, but weekend excursions or even longer trips. I never want to be one of those people who burden others with having to take care of their animals while we are jet-setting around having fun.

As I have been mulling these thoughts over, something happened.

We got new neighbors. And they have a puppy.

The other day I got caught sticking my fingers through their front gate to play with the puppy. I told the owner how much I had been thinking about getting one. He said that I could borrow his any time I wanted. So, I took it home for the morning.

This is Miss Magoo and she lives across the street. And now after a morning of playing with her, I need my own TODAY.

I'm in Vietnam and am still learning how things work, so I need to find the local vet and get some other doggy-care questions answered but it is happening. If my wife and I ever take a longer trip, we will just have to figure it out.

I already love my new doggy.

Give It Up

Last night, while walking home in the tropical Vietnam heat, I chafed the insides of my thighs bloody raw. Two days ago, I had a kerfuffle with some acid and destroyed my motorcycle helmet. And while these two events are unrelated, I am very thankful it wasn't the other way around.

As you let that joke sink in, please be advised that I don't really know what it means either, but I thought of it and had to put it out there. That's just how my brain works. My wife is almost used to it now. She gets to hear all my jokes before they've ripened and become palatable for public consumption.

As I sit here spread-eagled, dumping baby powder onto my "stranger danger no touch area", I'm reminded that things don't always work out as planned.

Seriously. I'm not even supposed to be in this country right now.

For the last year, Red and I have been saving for our trip back to the States to visit family. We were going to fly into Texas, visit the Bloggess at her new Nowhere Bookshop in San Antonio, rent a car to drive to our families in the Midwest and spend the whole month of June. For those of you keeping score, that is this month. We live 12 time zones away from our families so we knew this trip would be the last time we saw them for a very long time. So, we wanted to make it count.

Unfortunately, the entire world got sick at the beginning of the year and then two weeks ago America basically exploded. Not a good time to visit the States, plus we couldn't even if we tried since the borders of Vietnam are sealed. International travel isn't a possibility. So, our best guess for the moment is that our trip has been delayed until next year. However, until the vaccine materializes, things will still stay tense for the countries which are taking it seriously.

So, we have to stay home for a while. I can do that, but summer in Vietnam means an extra-crispy epidermis if you get caught in sunlight. We'll just stay in. Yet, this would not go as easily as expected. Last week, our television stopped working.

You know that sad way a TV looks when it is turned off?

That is identical to what ours looked like all the time.

While we were waiting for our television to be repaired, we decided the temperature of our living room was intolerable since the tile on our floors were too hot for our feet to comfortably touch them.

Do you remember the FLOOR IS LAVA game you played when you were a kid?

It is not as much fun when you are forced to do it for real.

We went out and bought a stand-up air conditioner to help Red stay cool when she sat at her desk and would hopefully keep our sneakers from melting. We hooked it up and were amazed at the difference that it made. And then, it flooded our kitchen.

The next day a representative from the appliance store came out to look at it. Not being able to speak to each other (the whole Vietnamese thing is kind of tricky), I showed him the video of the river flowing through our house. His solution was that we were not putting enough water in the unit. Yes, I typed that on purpose.
 The reason water was leaking out was because it needed more water.

That seemed ridiculous to me, but I often don't understand how things work in this country. So, I conceded to his wisdom, filled the tank to the top and let him go on his way after he observed the solved issue. And let me tell you something.

That little man was wrong!

Twenty minutes later, there was water everywhere.

That solved the floor lava issue, but the trade-off wasn't worth it. They brought us a different model the next day. One that kept the river inside the unit.

Despite the mishaps of the last few months, I recognize we have a great life. But it has been a stark reminder that things do not always go according to plan. Flexibility is useful for more than just the bedroom.

Even if COVID-19 had not permeated every crevice of the planet like rogue glitter at Christmastime, we would still have had to stay home to keep our house from melting.

Forced Homeschooling

In the midst of this worldwide crisis, I feel almost guilty in knowing that my wife and I have it pretty good. Living in Vietnam, our country only has about 200 cases of COVID-19 and most of those have already recovered. There has not been a single death. AND this is a country that borders China. This is not by chance. Vietnam has been on top of this thing from the beginning and is not taking any chances.

And while everything is shut down and people have to stay home, we already worked from home. AND we just happen to be in online education. The whole world is now doing school at home and that is exactly what we do for a living. Our income actually went up when the world started falling apart.

Despite the fact that this is what we do for a living, I see a lot of stress being caused by this new life that has been suddenly thrust upon everyone. Forced homeschooling is not working for many many families.

For those of you who are nailing it, good for you. And I mean that. It's great, but for most people, it is not working. And there is a variety of reasons for that. First off, believe it or not, the majority of adults are not teachers and never wanted to be. Raising your kids to be a self-sufficient, responsible adult is not the same as trying to help him understand the symbolism of Henry's journey in the Red Badge of Courage.

Unless you are a teacher or work in a specific field, much of the stuff you were taught in school you haven't seen in decades. Not many parents remember how to do these things:

• Diagram a sentence
• Know the precise meaning of the grammar terms - present perfect tense, past progressive tense, gerunds, participles, helping verbs, phrasal verbs, indirect/direct object, etc.
• Solve math problems using the Quadratic Equation or Pythagorian Theorem.
• Understand the implications of the U.S. involvement in the War of 1812
• Outline a term paper
• So many other things that were forgotten after you left school

And that doesn't even take into consideration the fact that not all households have a parent at home to do this work with their kids. Many people are still considered to be "essential" workers and have to go to work. Or they might be at home but have their own work to do. Work-at-home is not vacation time. It means there is work to do. A large percentage of the population is having a very difficult time finding the time (and patience) to get their kids' schoolwork done.

Let's also not forget the number of households who do not have adequate internet. Or only have one computer when there are three kids who "need" it or dad needs it to do his job. What about the households that just don't have a conducive atmosphere for learning?

• Older kids having to babysit younger kids
• Abusive, neglectful or alcoholic parents
• Noisy environments
• Little space
• Illness in the home
• Chaotic atmosphere

All of these things make it very difficult for the schoolwork to actually happen. And, even if it is being completed, the strained environment means that nothing is actually being learned for many students. Plus, this insistence on completing the school year is putting the population at risk of further infection.

I have seen multiple Facebook posts by people noticing school-aged children sitting in corners at Wal-Mart with laptops to take advantage of their free Wi-Fi so they can get their homework assignments. The same is happening in McDonald's parking lots and many other places. In South Carolina, some districts have parked buses in rural areas that transmit a Wi-Fi signal to help those students who may not have internet at home. These buses are meant to help, but…

At the same time, people are being told to stay home and there is a reason for that. No child (or anyone) should have to leave their home and put people's lives on the line just to complete homework.

Many suggest that kids who do not have internet should contact their teachers so they can have packets sent to their house.

Once again, not safe. Cardboard and paper have been proven to be able to hold onto the virus for days. Exchanging packets back and forth is just another way of potentially spreading the virus.

Is all of this stuff worth the risk just so little Johnny doesn't fall behind?

I have news for everyone.

Your child is not falling behind when the rest of the entire world is in the same situation!

If they don't get their work done, it will not be a disaster when they go back to school because there will be tons of other kids who didn't get it done either. Or kids who got it done, but didn't actually learn the material. Or kids who have so many questions or holes in their learning.

Plus, I know teachers from several different states and the expectations are different everywhere:

• Some schools aren't even keeping track of grades right now
• Some schools are requiring teachers to still report to school during school hours (unsafe and irresponsible practice)
• Some schools have dismissed classes until next year 
• There is no national or even state-wide standard for any of this. Each school is scrambling to make it work.
• Teachers are doing an awesome job tackling a situation they were not prepared for, but there is no consistency in learning because every home is different.

I have a friend who works all day. Her older children (still children themselves) have to try to school the younger children during the day and can't even begin their own schoolwork until Mom gets home to take care of the younger kids.  Their life is just babysitting and schoolwork on top of all this other stress. There are lots of tears in that house all day.

The world is very scary right now and incredibly stressful. For the children also. They may not really understand what is happening depending on their age, but they know things are not right. Adding to that stress by insisting that all this extra stuff has to be done as well just makes things worse. Plus, it's not going to really matter when they all go back to school anyway. The teachers will be scrambling to even things out once again and try to fix this.

I am not suggesting that children should not be engaging in academic activities. I am only saying that school is not and should not be a priority right now. If it gets to be too much, let it go or cut it back. We're going to be locked in our houses for much longer than most people (including our leaders) want to admit. It is very important that our homes be as happy and stress-free as possible.

Love your kids during this time and make them feel safe. If when this is over they haven't learned how to recognize adverb clauses when used as adjunct adverbials, is it really going to matter?