Z - Friend Zone

When I was in high school, I had a crush on a girl. However, she wasn't a girl from afar. She was one of my best friends. We spent a lot of time joking around together and spent time together even outside of school.

Before I go any further, I want to state that this will not be a whiny "woe is me" post. I also want to make it clear that the girl in this scenario did nothing wrong. I am just telling a story about my personal experience.

Kindergarten (1977)
She and I are both in this picture

8th Grade graduation (1985)
She and I are both in this picture also
Ready to start high school

This girl, like me, had gone to the same school since kindergarten. We had known each other basically our entire lives. We weren't really friends until high school but had been in the same classes for the last decade. I don't remember when I figured out that I was "in love" with her, but I do remember making the mistake of confiding in one of my friends about this and he did not keep it a secret. Which today seems like no big deal, but to my high school mind, it felt like the end of the world.

I know she got wind of it, but she never said a word. And neither did I. Things were awkward for a few weeks (or, at least, I perceived that things were) before everything got back to normal. And soon, those feelings slipped away. My theory is that knowing that she knew and did not return any affection meant that it wasn't going to happen.

Looking back on this today, it all seems so silly. Yet, it certainly seemed like a big deal at the time. And, like many of my life lessons, it took several years before I recognized what I can learn from a situation.

In high school, I was in the dreaded friend zone. Many people have talked about this and there are lots of different takes on it. For me, I look back at myself as a coward.

I was not very socially confident. I had never been popular with the opposite sex. I was awkward and a bit of a nerd. There was no way I was going to be comfortable just putting myself out there and letting my feelings be known. And without me being willing to speak up, how was she supposed to know?

Just chalk it up to being another awkward teenage moment. There are plenty to choose from.

I was telling my wife about this and she asked me, "Do you ever sit and wonder 'What if?'"

I didn't have to think long. "No. I don't." Like a lot of my high school classmates, she is one of my Facebook friends. While I appreciate being able to stay in touch with the students from our small school, all that high school stuff is just not part of my mind anymore. I don't still harbor resentment from the bullies. I don't dwell on the archnemesis. I don't have any unrequited feelings for any of the girls I had my eye on at the time.

When you get older, it feels like life was very short. However, as you are living it, it seems much slower. And sometimes, the things you are going through at the time seem insurmountable. However, life actually takes a while and things change with time. That bad (or good) situation you are in is temporary. It will change.

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This month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. Each day this month, people around the world are writing blog posts and working their way through the alphabet. Each person decides their own personal theme. I am writing about people who have affected my life.