A - Amanda

I have one person in my life who I consider to be a life-long friend. I have several friends who I have known for many years, but only one who I met in childhood and stayed close to well into my adult life. Her name is Amanda Dycus. But my brothers and I always called her Mandy.

Mandy was three years old when the Dycus family moved in next door. I was eight. My two brothers were five and three. My youngest brother Trevor and Mandy were the same age. Her father Eddie went to the same high school as my father and currently worked in the same coal mine, so they were already friends. Our mothers quickly became friends. Over the next few years, they were on a bowling league together, belonged to a couple of different women's clubs and eventually worked at the same place. Because of the close relationship of our parents, she wasn't just the girl next door. Our families spent a lot of time together. She was one of my playmates despite being so much younger.

The first time I met her was when we had them to our house for dinner. While the adults talked, all of us kids went down to the basement to play. Now…I don't really remember what happened next, but the events of that night in the basement almost stopped our future family friendship from ever getting beyond that first dinner. It is still talked about between our families today.

Apparently, the next morning Mandy had a horrible rash all the way around her neck. It was a large scab that was sensitive to the touch. After her mother, Shirley asked Mandy a bunch of questions the got a story about having a rope tied around her neck. Mandy was only three, so she couldn't tell a story very well. Shirley calls our house to confront my mother and find out just why her boys tried to hang her daughter in our basement. After questioning us, it was discovered that we had all been playing some sort of horse game and pulling each other around the room. The rash was rope burn.

Not a smart game to play, but we were all kids and most importantly there was no devious intent. Shirley eventually got over it and we were all allowed to play together again, but could not use ropes anymore.

Mandy's house was close enough, we did not have to seek permission to go. Especially since it was on the same side of the road. No traffic to worry our parents. Our horse pasture separated our houses, so we only had to cross the pasture and hop a fence to get to her house.

About three years after the Dycus's became our neighbors, Eddie (Mandy's father) was killed in the coal mine. Losing a family member is devastating, but this event for me and my brothers meant that our access to the neighbor's house was temporarily restricted. We didn't need to be running in and out of their house while the family was grieving. At least, not for a little while.

A few days later, my youngest brother Trevor (5 or 6 y/o at the time) was hanging out by the horse pasture fence that bordered Mandy's yard. Mandy was soon standing on the other side of the fence. They hadn't been able to play together for the last few days. Choking up, she confided in Trevor that her dad had died. Trevor reached out to take her hand and told her, "I can share my dad with you."

Mandy has shared that story many times over the years. Thirty years later, she still choked up when she told it.

Eventually, we had full access to each other's houses again. Sometimes there was trouble because we came from a house of all boys and Mandy only had her little sister. We got grounded from going over there for a few weeks after Mandy's sister Ellen wet her pants because she tried to pee standing up like Trevor does.

Since Kyle (my other brother) and I were the oldest, we were the unofficial leaders of our little group. Mandy and Ellen and Trevor followed along with whatever we wanted to do. And we wanted to do country boy stuff. Sometimes, we would disappear into the woods all day and come back covered in mud, scratched skin and torn clothing. We played rough and tumble games as boys do. We climbed in the roof of the house, wrestled with the dogs, and jumped off of the top of the garage. They were right there for all of it.

As we all grew up, we stayed tight friends. Occasionally, me or one of my brothers would take one of the girls to a school dance or other event. It was never romantic, always platonic. Although, there was one summer when we all played a game of "you show me yours and I'll show you mine."

When I was 12 years old, my parents bought my grandmother's house and we moved into it. It was five miles away, but we still stayed close. We went to each other's houses whenever we could. The friendship never faded even as we went into adulthood. Mandy (who had been accepted to Julliard) not only played the piano at my wedding, she even wrote an original song to sing.

When I had been talking to my future wife (online only) and trying to convince her to actually meet me in person, I asked for help on my blog in the post Evidence That I Am Harmless. I asked people who knew me personally to vouch for my character. Many people stepped up to say something, but Mandy wrote this:

She loves me

Of course, as the years went on an everyone started families and moved to other cities, we could not see each other as often but we never lost contact. We were always on each other's Facebook pages and giving our two cents on what was going on in each other's lives.

A few years ago, my parents were going to go camping with Shirley and decided to invite all the kids to get together for a cookout. I hadn't seen Mandy or Ellen in a few years and jumped at the chance to go. I drove three hours to see them and introduce Mandy and Ellen to the woman Mandy had helped me meet with her kind words. My wife got to see how much this friendship meant to me and my brothers. We all sat and told stories of the 'good old days' while our parents were shocked at some of the things they were learning about our adventures together. I mean, we are all adults now. What could they do?

Mandy is in the green shirt laughing too hard.

This was a great day. We all agreed that we had to do this more often and made a few tentative plans to make it happen again the following year.

It didn't work that way. A few months later, Mandy got very sick with a deadly blood disorder. I made the trek back to my hometown with my wife and Ellen fought to allow us in to see Mandy. She had been in a coma for a few days before we got there, so she was not conscious. I spoke to her for a few minutes, held her hand and kissed her forehead. I think it's the one time my wife has seen me cry.

That was the last time I saw her.

She died a few weeks later and I hated that I could not get there to see her again for the short time she was out of the coma, but have always been so grateful that we got to have that cookout get together. She will never be forgotten. I love you, Mandy.

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This month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. Each day this month, people around the world are writing blog posts and working their way through the alphabet. Each person decides their own personal theme. I am writing about people who have affected my life.