L - Lean On Me (Christi)

About a decade ago, my marriage of twelve years disintegrated. I decided a long time ago that the details of how and why will never be discussed on this blog. Plus, they are not pertinent to my story today.

As one would expect, going through a divorce is very stressful. My ex and I did pretty good to keep things civil and were even able to only hire one lawyer to handle everything. She and I sat down and agreed to certain terms on our own and then had the lawyer draw it up.

Despite our surface civility, we were both hurt. For myself, there was a lot of anger and confusion and a sense of I don't even know. There were a lot of emotions all crashing in at once.

It is in times like this you find out who your true friends are. Who stands by you when your life is at its lowest? I had several people who filled that role, but one stands out above the others.

Her name is Christi. I had known Christi for close to twenty years before this happened. She had become more of a friend in the few years right before my divorce, but when everything completely fell apart, she stepped up. Although, I think it started accidentally.

Christi and I were both working as volunteers at a youth summer camp one week. It had just become public that my wife and I were separating, so it was all still new to me having to navigate the public aspect of this kind of news. After lights out for the campers, I wandered into the cafeteria for a drink and sat at one of the tables. A few minutes later, Christi wandered in for the same. We made small talk and she sat at the other end of the table.  The topic of my impending divorce eventually came up.

After a few words were exchanged, Christi asked a few probing questions. These questions were not asked so she could get more information. She asked to force me to reflect a little further. Then, she listened. I mean…really listened. And it felt good to get a lot of this stuff off my chest. I really hadn't talked to anyone yet since it was all still so new.

We stayed up much later than we should have. I thanked her for listening and wandered off to find my bunk. It was a therapeutic night that I was thankful for. I had no idea there would be more.

A week later, Christi droped by my office to check on me. Every now and then, she would call for the same reason. Sometimes, I would call her. I know that I burned many hours bending her ear. She was great.

In these conversations (sometimes quite emotional), she mostly just listened to me rant or cry about whatever was bothering me that day. She rarely offered advice and when she did it was subtle. But the one thing she did do was call me out if I said something that was unfair or "limited to my male perspective". There were times that my perspective of what had happened were exactly that. My perspective. They weren't true to the full reality. She was great at pointing out those inconsistencies without making me feel attacked.

It takes a long time to get over something as big as divorce and Christi stayed available the entire time. With time, the topics of our conversation became less and less about my issue and slowly morphed into a genuine friendship. We remained close even after my neediness had subsided.

It is said that it is difficult to make real friends after entering into your adulthood, but I've learned how. Emotional trauma and getting lucky that someone will step up. - BAD JOKE

Thank you, Christi, for being there when I really needed someone. I'll always love you for that. You were a true friend through it all and continue to be one today.

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This month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. Each day this month, people around the world are writing blog posts and working their way through the alphabet. Each person decides their own personal theme. I am writing about people who have affected my life.