"I" is for Internet

I live on the internet.

I really do. I do it all on the internet. I have always been pretty computer savvy, but you don't have to be anymore for the things that are available to basically anyone with a decent internet connection. I have heard some people complain that using their computer is too complicated, but I beg to differ. When I can sit down at my computer and take care of things in an hours that before would have taken me a few days, I don't think their argument is valid.

• Shopping
• Banking
• Travel plans
• Reservations
• Order Pizza
• School
• Information on everything
• Television
• Read

Prophetic movie about the future
difficulty of finding Twinkies.

As far back as 2001, I stopped renting movies at the video store because I could get on Netflix and have them shipped straight to me. Plus, it was much cheaper. It also removes the annoyance of walking up and down the aisles of a store trying to find what you want and then praying that it is in. Plus, the service helps me to not miss the movies I really want to see. As soon as I see a trailer for something I want to see, I put it in my queue to be sent to me as soon as it comes out on video.

If for some reason I hear about a movie LONG before it is to come out, it may not be on the Netflix site to schedule it yet. If that is the case, I go to a site called DVD Later and sign up for the movie there. That site (which is free to use) will put the movie in my Netflix queue as soon as it is available. Now with streaming, I can watch the movie immediately. In fact, there is no need to even have cable because everything is online.

No longer is there a need to actually meet with teachers. My daughter goes to a rather large school and I could never get proper time with them anyway. I can now log onto the school's website and see her current grades, teacher's notes for assignments and even scans of some of her work. An email to a teacher is promptly returned as compared to phone calls that often took days or sometimes not at all.

I am getting my Master's Degree right now and do it all from the convenience of my laptop. I interact with the teacher and the other students almost daily. I read, research, and write papers in front of a computer screen.

This may be my favorite of internet conveniences. I pay ALL my bills online. Every single one of them. Even places that don't have online billing, like my local water company. When a bill comes due, I receive an email. I log onto my bank site and tell them to send a check. I haven't had my own checks for years and never even buy stamps anymore. I just don't need to.

All my banking is done online as well. I have a special account that rewards me for never walking in and disturbing a teller. I get kickbacks on every purchase. I get into museums, amusement parks and zoos for free. I get great discounts at hundreds of locations and all I have to do is keep all my banking online. My checks are directly deposited and I pay everything through my computer. Since the bank is saved on manpower, they reward me.

I am also an avid reader. Once I bought a Kindle, I knew I could keep books on it, but soon learned I could even check out books from the library without leaving my house. Sitting at home I visit the library site, download the book, and it works for two weeks before it deletes itself.

Doing research on any topic has gotten easier as well. The misguided people who think using the internet for research is not as effective, apparently don't know how to use it to its potential. The only reason someone would argue that a person needs to go to the library is because it was the way they were taught. I have nothing against books, I love them. However, what is the advantage to searching for hours in a library to find the books you need when I can find that same book online in a matter of seconds. I can have the information of a hundred books at my fingertips within moments while someone else is still searching through the card catalog. Almost any scholarly work has been uploaded to the internet and can be found easily by anyone who knows how to search.

From the comfort of my home, I also order pizza while searching for the best coupons at the same time. I make reservations for restaurants, book airline tickets, make hotel reservations, grocery shop, buy electronics, find people, research companies, apply for jobs, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on and on. I even met my girlfriend online.

A few months ago, I landed a job I could do from my home. It had officially reached the point that I never needed to step outside my house for anything. I could even buy my clothes online and have them shipped to me. Of course, if I wasn't going outside, then I didn't really need clothes. I don't even need to consult a doctor because I have WebMD.

Some may be concerned that this much dependence on technology will cut back on social interaction, but we have Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest for that. If you think you have to actually be face to face with someone, then buy a webcam and Skype with them.

I know that I am addicted to technology. Many addicts will deny their addiction and scream, "I can quit any time I want." I am not making that claim. I love my internet and artificial connection to the world and don't plan to ever give it up.

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Happily participating in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge. For the entire month of April, 1,897 bloggers are still working their way through the alphabet. One letter every day but Sundays for a total of 26 days.

Click here to visit the website and get more information to see if you might want to join in next year. It's a lot of fun, introduces you to hundreds of new blogs and gives your writing some fantastic exposure.

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Last night was the event I have been waiting on for months. Let me rephrase that. I would love to see Red since it's been 6 weeks since we have even been in the same time zone, but last night was the next best thing. The new season of Sons of Anarchy started last night. I love this show.

My nightly phone call to Red had to take place a little earlier than most nights since the show would be on during our usual talking time. Red decided she would watch it also, so we could text during the commercials (we can't help it, we're in love). I mentioned that she would be completely lost. There is four years of backstory, but she didn't mind.

I can't do that. Any show I'm watching, I have seen from the beginning. From the very first episode. I cannot jump into a show in the middle. It bothers me. I mean really bothers me. I feel like I'm missing something and it keeps me from enjoying it. For example, the show Friends lasted 10 years. For seven of those years, Ross would occasionally scream, "We were on a break!" Only people who had been watching since season three got the full appreciation of that statement. Sure, they could have it explained to them, but it's just not the same. Red insists that I am being ridiculous, but I think this is one area where she just doesn't understand me. Luckily, she loves my quirks.

I love the show Big Bang Theory, but haven't seen it in almost two years. There was a period during one of our moves when we didn't have cable, so I got behind. I watched it up to the season four finale when Penny wakes up in bed with Raj, but haven't seen an episode since. I just can't watch them out of sequence. I can watch the reruns on TBS, but I won't watch season five or six until I get them on DVD.

I think this stems from my hatred for spoilers. I cannot stand to know anything that is going to happen later in a movie or TV show. The writer's and directors put a lot of thought into creating a mood and deciding how to reveal something to the audience. Learning it early takes the pleasure out of it.

This is why I am very reluctant to watch a movie with someone that has already seen it. Most people aren't very good at keeping their mouths shut. There aren't many people that are rude enough to just tell you the ending (although, I have met those people), but most seem to have to give some sort of commentary.

Years ago I was watching a movie when a friend came over to borrow something.

Seeing what I was watching:
BOB: Ooh! I love this movie.
ME: Don't say anything. I don't want you to give anything away.
BOB: Don't worry. I hate when people do that, but watch this part right here. What just happened is very important for later.
ME: (clicking TV off) Seriously?
BOB: (confused) What? What'd I say?

In that short phrase, he had just given away the end of the movie. He had pointed out the little clue that was meant to be referred back to later in the movie. I didn't have to wonder at that point because he pointed it out. The entire mystery of the movie was gone.

My mother is one of the worst. (← I love you, Mom.) I will not watch a movie with her that she has seen, especially if she really liked the movie. Every few minutes she exclaims, "Watch this part right here. This is good!" or "Pay attention here. You really don't want to miss this part." Not only am I already looking at the screen when she says this, but I am tuned into the movie. I don't need to be told to watch it, I am watching it. Plus, she blurts out the surprises seconds before they are revealed. She doesn't do it on purpose. She just gets excited.

As the camera begins to pan the room, you can see the feet of the killer. The music begins to pound as the camera slowly moves it way up his body. After 90 minutes of trying to figure out who the killer is my mom, unable to contain herself any longer, blurts out, "IT WAS JEREMY!!!"

Now they were about to show us the killer in a few seconds anyway, but the pleasure of watching a movie is not in knowing the identity of the bad guy, but in the way the story is told. There was a reason they were slowly panning across the room. It was to build anticipation.

Seconds after this scene,
she was eating Tarantino's face

I go to great extremes to know as little as possible about shows or movies I will be watching. If I see a movie trailer that looks interesting, I put it in my phone to add to my Netflix queue and then avoid seeing any other trailers for it. I don't want to learn any additional details. The less you know, the better the movie is. I don't even read the movie descriptions on the Netflix DVD's that I don't remember. If it showed up, then I apparently wanted to see it. Do you have any idea how great it was to watch From Dusk 'til Dawn not knowing that it was a vampire movie? There was no warning. It blew me away. Had I known that ahead of time, I would not have enjoyed it as much. I would still have enjoyed Selma Hayek in her little outfit, but the surprise at the end of the runway was awesome.

When it comes to TV shows I have to be especially careful. I don't watch commercials and even have to be careful what magazines I pick up. Since I watch very few shows when they are actually on, I am typically a few seasons behind. I didn't start watching Dexter until it was three seasons in. I was catching up on DVD and opened a magazine in a doctor's office where I was met with a picture of Dexter standing over the casket of his girlfriend in season four. Great! Rita dies! I did NOT want to know that.

Sons of Anarchy is one of the few shows that I watch as it is on. I'm watching the current season and have watched from the first night it was on, so there is not much chance of spoilers. However, I occasionally miss an episode and have to wait a few days for it to come to OnDemand. When that happens with a popular show, it gets difficult to stay in the dark about the contents of the episode.

Last year, one of the deputies walked into dispatch and asked me if I watched Sons of Anarchy. I told him I loved that show and he got all excited and said, "Can you believe they killed Piney last night?!" I tried to not show the seething hatred for him on my face as I told him I had not seen last night's episode yet. He quickly apologized and then proceeded to tell me the rest of the plot line.

I once read that watching TV burns less calories than sleeping. If that is true, then why is it so much work?

The Awards Fairy Came By

This is one of those posts when I don't have to be creative. I just get to sit, say my thanks and pass on some love. I get to take it easy because the award fairy came to my house this week.

He is not what I pictured a fairy to look like. He was short, had a large beer gut and was missing a couple of teeth. After a prolonged coughing fit and spitting on my floor, he handed me two awards.

I objected since I had already one this one a couple of weeks ago. He told me that it wasn't his problem and shoved it into my gut. According to him, Shane over at Wag the Dad said my blog was "selling like hotcakes." I considered this to be the greatest compliment, because I love Wag the Dad, consider him to be one of the blogging greats and was thrilled to find out that he even knew who I was. Shane writes about being a dad, living in Austria and recently wrote a piece about the benefits of letting your mind go blank and drooling on yourself. He made a very good argument. His weekly debates with Angie at Angie Uncovered are not to be missed. Shane is very funny and, if you are not reading him already, you should check him out.

The balding fairy then told me that I had been given the same award by another blogger. Random Thoughts of a Not-So Random Mind passed it on to me as well. This blog is written by an Argentinian teacher who shares the same birthday as Jesus. I found her blog last January within a few minutes of her putting up her first post and have stayed a follower ever since. She promised me (since I have been there from the beginning and was her very first commenter) that if she hits it big with her writing, she won't forget me and will introduce me to celebrities. Then I will use those connections to realize my dream of becoming a Hollywood stuntman. Go check her out.

The fairy then told me that since I had already won this award and followed the rules, I didn't have to do it again if I gave him money to buy a pack of smokes. I gave him $5 and asked for my other award. He used my bathroom and then handed me this one. ==>

I quickly washed if off and looked on the back. It came from two different bloggers as well. Misty from Misty's Laws and Pish Posh.

Misty of Misty's Laws is a ninja stealth photographer who captures discreet pictures of the freaks and fashion mishaps that occur around her. Usually, without being detected. She also does not appreciate strangers complimenting her feet and has a couple of posts showing off her friends' planking skills, a pastime I discovered last fall. She is a very funny lady and worth clicking over to check out.

My first thought when I saw Pish Posh's name was "That's the lady that keeps blowing up my phone." I love my blogging friends and if they have a Twitter account, I have their tweets forwarded to my phone. No one tweets more than Pish Posh. Fortunately, she is a good tweeter and is always pointing me toward something worth reading. There was a little confusion on my part about whether she was actually giving me this award or just calling me out for being confused about one of her recent posts, but since I was getting it anyway her name is now attached. Pish Posh is a teacher who is now looking for a sugar daddy so she can stay home and write. She is very funny and writes about absolutely everything. She often includes recipes on her blog, but will not tolerate you noisily eating your food in her presence. Quiet chewers only!

At this point the fairy was sitting on my couch flipping through my cable channels. He informed me that since it is my first time winning this award, I am obliged to play by the rules unless I wanted to order a pizza. I had already given him the last of my cash so I asked for the rules. He said I had to link back to the blogs that gave me the award, mention some blogs that I read and list 7 things about myself.

1. Despite all my recent posts about the stuntman antics and crazy things I did as a kid, I have never broken a bone. My brothers cannot say the same.
2. I originally went to school to be a computer programmer.
3. I've been divorced for 5 years and still go to my ex-wife's family reunions.
4. In high school, my favorite teacher was also the one I hated the most.
5. I have recently started watching Glee on Netflix Instant. The storyline is weak, the characters are stereotypical and the acting is cheesy, but it is fun to watch. Don't judge me.
6. When I was 9 years old, I won GRAND CHAMPION with my goat in 4-H.
7. I still own every book I have ever read. I have a problem with letting them go.

I am going to try to name bloggers I read that I have not mentioned before. I don't want to give awards out to the same people over and over again.

•  Ash-Matic Does Things - He has only been blogging for a little over a month, but he has great stuff. With 25 followers after only 4 weeks, he is onto something.
• Kernut the Blond - Her blog caught my eye because she is doing something my parents are doing. Traveling around the country in an RV. I can't wait for her new posts to find out where she is now, who she has met and what fantastic things she has seen. If she would let me, I would love to travel with her for a month.
• Wait in the Van - Kristine recently got kicked out of a blogging competition for cheating. She didn't really cheat and her readers have her back. She came out stronger.
• Twenty Something Waitress - This waitress blogs about the crazy things that happen to her at work, the difficult customers she has to put up with and how she gets jilted on tips.

All of these blogs are amazing and deserve a read through. Subscribe, leave comments, show them some love from me. I have to go get the fairy. He is in my fridge making a sandwich.

Another Way to Waste My Time

I finished my final class for the semester last week. I now have one semester of Master's level work behind me and I have discovered that work at this level is not really harder than Bachelor's degree work, . . . but there is a lot more of it. My professor, apparently, does not believe in grades. I have this class a week behind me and have still not seen a grade from the first week of class. I have no idea where I stand. I believe I did well, but have no way to prove it or really have any confidence at all.

Since I have finished the class, I find myself with much more free time. My schedule at the Sheriff's office is set for the next month so I can't get any more hours there to take up time and being the end of the semester I am not getting many calls to substitute teach. Therefore, I am home all day.

My Christmas shopping is done, the house is clean, I don't like people enough to want to go out and see anyone and it is getting too cold to leave the house anyway. Shaving only uses up about 10 minutes and can only be done once a day. Trimming your toenails can take up more time, but once they're done, they require no more maintenance for a few weeks. I have reached a point where I do not know what to do with myself.

I am currently working my way through
season four of Prison Break

A few days ago, I pulled out an old video game I hadn't played in a while and spent the day with my XBOX. I had fun. Especially since I have gotten XBOX LIVE since the last time I really played any games. I use it mostly for access to Netflix instant streaming. I don't watch a lot of movies on it, but there are so many old TV shows that I missed when they were on, it can easily burn some hours. However, you can only watch so much television. I decided that I could spend some of my time over the break playing video games, so I went to my brother's house to try to con some video games from his sons.

I asked if I could borrow every game they are not currently playing and they happily handed them over. To my surprise, there was no need to make a deal or try to trick them. That must mean I have some endearing qualities. Or maybe I was the recipient of their Christmas charity. I haven't decided yet, but I've been playing those games for the last week. They have been an entertaining way to pass the time, until Saturday.

That afternoon, after enduring an office Christmas party, I came home and fired up the XBOX. As the screens were loading, I noticed a new symbol on the right panel. It was the YouTube logo. I downloaded the free app and fired it up. YouTube videos are now accessible from the XBOX. How cool is that? I spent the next several hours pulling up some of my favorite videos and searching for a few new ones. This has since become a problem. I can't seem to get enough. This is one of the videos I have been wasting my time with.

I have spent literally days watching old skits from the Muppet Show, SCTV, Saturday Night Live and Whitest Kids You Know. I have pulled up old cartoons to show Kirsten. Some of the ones from last night include: Grape Ape, Speed Buggy, Ricochet Rabbit, Captain Caveman and Superchicken. We have watched music videos, videos our friends have made, sang along with Biz Markie and observed an alien autopsy. I have watched 'how-to' videos on how to escape a bear attack, how to throw your voice and how to safely build a self-detonating door knob bomb. ANYTHING you want is at your fingertips.

Many of you may be thinking, "YouTube has been around for years. What's the big deal?" Let me try to explain.

It's now on my TV!!!

These useless videos are no longer hidden in the recesses of the Internet on my computer in the back room. They are in my living room. I cannot get away from them. How many different electric guitar renditions of Beethoven's 5th Symphony do I need to see? Practical jokes, nut shots, cute animals, BMX wipeouts, UFO sightings, impossible basketball shots, llamas with hats, magic tricks, vaudeville, karaoke and any other event that has ever been captured on camera is there. Every time I turn on my television from this point on, I will be faced with the reality that I can watch literally anything I can think of. I will no longer have to scan through the channels to see what is on, because everything is on. Ten years ago, I would have thought this was awesome. Now that it's a reality, it's a sensory overload. Yet, I can't look away, I can't go to bed and I can only answer the door to show someone a video of the latest bum fight.

It's a little depressing, but I have come to grips with the knowledge that I will one day die surrounded by potato chip bags in front of my TV. When the paramedics arrive, they will take their time removing me so they can finish the episode of Fraggle Rock playing on the television.