P - Piercing

Several years ago, I went to work in a tattoo shop and eventually bought the place. The things I experienced there could easily keep me writing for years, but it is the people I met through that experience that I value the most. Most importantly, a guy named Brad Duncan.

Even at the risk of this sounding like a bro-mance, I'm just going to put it out there. I love this man. Deal with it.

I met Brad in the summer of 2008 when I started hanging out at the tattoo shop I mentioned above. He was typically the first face a customer saw when they walked in the door and he was the body piercer. Because I was spending more time at the shop, Brad and I had talked several times, but we came from very different worlds. There was no apparent connection.

Eventually, I started a body piercing internship at that shop so I could work there. Since Brad was the piercer, he was my trainer. Our new working relationship meant we spent a lot more time together and we got beyond the small talk. It didn't take long to discover we each had a rather twisted sense of humor. We also each love to laugh and joke around, so our humor muscles got quite a workout each time we were together.

 Brad's two-year-old with his favorite toy

I can think of a few stories of things Brad and I did together, but none are pertinent to us becoming friends. Our friendship was built in that shop. Over the next couple of years, we saw a lot of each other and had hundreds of hours of conversation to get to know each other.

The circumstances of me leaving the shop a few years later were ugly, but Brad had my back the entire time. I'll never forget that.

We lost touch for a couple of years and then somehow reconnected and have talked regularly ever since. In fact, the last time I traveled back to the States, Brad and his wife put us up in their house for almost a whole week. It was great getting to stay up late catching up each night.

Looking at Brad and looking at me separately, one would never guess we would have anything in common. Much less, actually be friends. And "on paper", there would also be no reason to come to that conclusion but I am so grateful that surface perception lost out on this one.

I learned a lot in my time at that tattoo shop, but my connection with Brad may be one of the most powerful lessons. It took a little time to get to know Brad, but the time spent doing so led to a friendship that has lasted over a decade so far.

By appearance (physical, the way he talks, his clothes, etc), Brad is not someone I would have typically given a second look. I wouldn't have had a bad opinion, just no opinion as someone so apparently different than me. He probably thought the same of me. However, the job forced us to communicate and find the person that was underneath.

Being friends with Brad has taught me about how much we miss in life because we are so quick to judge others.

When we talk about judging others, people typically jump to big issues like racism, sexism, class discrimination, etc. Though, it is not always big negative decisions that we are making. On a smaller scale, it affects who we choose to pay more attention to. Who we choose to approach when asking for directions. Who we choose to sit next to in the work cafeteria or the movie theater. Who we strike up a conversation with at a party. Your next best friend (love interest, job prospect, business connection, etc) might have been in the same room with you last night, but you didn't give that person a second look because of their ripped jeans, long hair, sports jersey, VOTE HILLARY button, weight, pierced nose, thick glasses, cowboy boots, MAGA hat, concert t-shirt, gaudy jewelry, hemp sandals, or whatever.

There are wonderful people everywhere (not to be confused with saying "all people are wonderful" because they aren't), but a lot of them get by us because of our personal and sometimes subconscious biases. I'm glad circumstances forced Brad and I to break through.

Brad, I am forever grateful to know you. Thank you.

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This month, I am participating in the A to Z Challenge. Each day this month, people around the world are writing blog posts and working their way through the alphabet. Each person decides their own personal theme. I am writing about people who have affected my life.