Several years ago, I met a dynamic and exciting person. I will call him Nick. I found him quite interesting and created reasons to be in his presence. He always had a good story and had a way with people.
A friendship began to develop and I even started working part-time at his place of business. This eventually grew into me buying Nick's business and him staying on as an employee. It took about a year for me to start to see Nick for what he really was.
Nick was always surrounded by groupies. I call them that because that's what they were. People who were fans of this bigger than life personality. Nick was fun to be around and he surrounded himself with people who fawned over him. Unfortunately, I was one of those people for a while.
Being friends with Nick came with perks. We never waited for a table in a restaurant. We would show up with 12 people at a place with the line out the door and Nick would snap his fingers at the hostess or someone behind the bar and we would get seated right away.
Nick could secure hard-to-get tickets to events that were supposedly sold out. Anything you needed done, he knew a guy. And he could get it (whatever it may be) at a greatly discounted rate, if not free.
People clamored to be part of his inner circle and I was there. And it was exciting. People around town knew who I was because of my connection to him. It was empowering, but with time I began to see the cost also. Nick also had a lot of enemies. However, he was very good at twisting the truth to make it presentable to the people close who might have questioned him.
Being friends with Nick was demanding. He had expectations of his little fan group and everyone was eager to please. Those favors he was always calling in to get what he and his friends wanted? Sometimes the demand was put on one of us. And we did as we were asked because we felt like we owed him. However, nothing he did ever actually cost him anything. Once you start to realize that, the rose-colored glasses begin to fade.
Nick's posse of followers was (and still is today) a rotating group of people passing through. As I began to be disenfranchised and sometimes excused myself from group events, Nick's attitude toward me began to sour. When our group started affiliating with another group that I just could not associate with ethically, I decided to pull out completely. With that decision, Nick completely turned on me.
Suddenly, I was his enemy. And the shocking part was that I hadn't done anything to him. My only crime was not following him around anymore. Unfortunately, I was tied to him legally through my business and he did everything he could to make things difficult.
By the time I actually got free, it had cost me $16,000 and a few legal repercussions I was still dealing with for the next eight years. He bad-mouthed me to anyone who would listen and I heard the same things being said about me that I had listened to him say about other past friends of his that had "stabbed him in the back." When really all they had done was walked away.
Despite all the people who had come and gone through his circle of influence, Nick was masterful at leveraging relationships and procuring favors. He still does it today.
In telling this story, I was purposefully vague because I am not trying to bad-mouth the guy by name (not Nick). Although, the people who know me well can probably put it together.
I lost a lot of money because of this man and I lost a lot of my own self-respect for a while. The only reason I was cost anything was because of my own stupidity and being willing to buy into all his BS. And all the warning signs were there. They are pretty easy to see after the fact.
Despite my entire experience with him ending very badly, I have to admit that I learned a lot from that experience. I need to listen to my gut more often. I saw some signs early on, but my trusting nature pushed them to the side. I'm not as trusting as I used to be. Don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. I'm definitely not as naive. Although, I do believe I am overly critical of people now.
I will never go into business with a friend again. I know this one was an extreme case, but it is one of my rules now.
People don't as easily charm me today. In fact, those people with the strong personalities tend to repel me. I'm not saying they are bad people, it just doesn't work for me anymore.
My experience with Nick was not good and I do wish it had never happened, but I do believe I came out to be a stronger person on the other side.
You have a healthy perspective on this, although for me, it would have been a major trauma.
ReplyDeleteI was happy to walk away clean. It got really ugly.
DeleteWell that certainly sounds like a challenging experience, but I'm glad you navigated it in a way that's left you feeling stronger and with greater clarity about things.
ReplyDeleteI am too. I run into a few of his other "past friends" who are so bitter over their experience with him. You just have to let stuff go.
DeleteGreat post! Blessing✨
ReplyDeleteThank you
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