The Awards Fairy is Foiled

I have been working the midnight shift as a security guard at a homeless shelter. After a long night, I was looking forward to getting home to my bed. As I pulled onto my street, I saw three police cars in front of my house.

Since they had my driveway blocked, I had to park next door. They stopped me as I walked into my yard. After showing them my ID to prove that I lived there, they explained that they had responded to a report of breaking and entering. One of my vigilant neighbors was out walking his dog at six in the morning and saw a guy attempting to crawl through a window of my house. Thankfully, he promptly called it in.

I asked to go inside to see what was missing or damaged and they assured me that he never made it inside. The officer said that he couldn't lift himself through the window and it was doubtful that his gut would have fit through it anyway. The perpetrator so out of breath from his attempts, he didn't even try to run when they arrived.

They showed me to the squad car to see if it might be someone I knew. I recognized him immediately. It was the Awards Fairy. I have had several encounters with him already.

Past Award Fairy Experiences:
The Awards Fairy Came By
Return of the Awards Fairy
Awards Fairy Detox
The Awards Fairy Strikes Again
The Awards Fairy Is Still At It

Since he wasn't carrying any identification, they were happy that I could identify him. However, I still don't know his name, so I was of little help.

The officer said that when they arrived on scene the fairy was carrying a large plaque that had my name on the back. He wanted to know if it was mine.

I accepted it and thanked the officers for their quick response. Based on past experience, if the Awards Fairy had succeeded in getting into my house, I would have been stuck with him for a long time and he would have cost me dearly in long distance charges and pizza delivery bills OR he would have just robbed me blind once he caught his breath.

Once I told the officers I would be eager to press charges and fully cooperative in their investigation, they left and I went inside to look at the award. It had been sent by Lady Goo Goo Gaga.

Lady Goo Goo Gaga is a native of Connecticut who gets invited to movie premieres. Although, I get the impression that there isn't much elbow-rubbing with the stars. She has two kids, so she is familiar with all the sacrifices that being a parent comes with (no sleep, no personal TV choices, no love life, a trashed house, no time to converse with adult-type people, etc). She didn't say any of that; I'm just remembering having small children. Lucky for us, she finds time to blog. She is linked up to several MOMMY BLOG sites and would appreciate your vote.

As she sent this award to me, the plugged my Twitter feed saying that is was very funny. I really haven't promoted my Twitter on here, so I will jump on the bandwagon with her. Please, follow my Twitter page and check out her blog.

As usual, there are conditions that go along with receiving an award. I am to list 10 facts about myself.

1. I am still in shock that they killed Opie. You either know what I am talking about here or you don't. No need to explain further either way.
2. When I was teaching in Puerto Rico, I had several students who referred to me as 'Feeny,' a reference to the teacher from Boy Meets World. I took it as the biggest compliment that could be received.
3. Now that my daughter has a job, she has fallen in love with online shopping. Packages arrive weekly.
4. I have a friend whose grandfather holds the record for the highest recorded blood-alcohol content that did not result in death.
5. My son was shown on ESPN punching the Cardinal's mascot FREDBIRD in the face.
6. He also sang on the field at BUSCH STADIUM during the 7th inning stretch with my mother.
7. I have visited the house where A Christmas Story was filmed. They even had the leg lamp in the window.
8. I have been bitten by a shark. It was a baby, but it still counts.
9. I once left a store and hopped in a vehicle that was not mine. It took me a couple of minutes to figure out why my key wouldn't work.
10. I broke a tooth eating popcorn.

 I got off lucky this time. The Awards Fairy didn't cause me any real damage or cost me any money, but I am going to have to take some precautions to protect myself in the future. It is growing more and more obvious that he will continue to keep coming back until he is either permanently locked up or one of us has killed the other.