The food was great, the service was outstanding and I didn't spill anything on myself so I considered the meal a success. The waitress brought us our bill and expected fortune cookies. After a quick debate with my daughter about which cookie was mine (you never want to get the wrong fortune), we opened them. I was met with the following 'fortune.'
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| What about strawberries? |
I lowered my fortune and looked down at the pineapple on my plate. I'd had fruit for the last fifteen minutes and certainly hadn't climbed a tree. I haven't climbed any tree in years, and even then it wasn't to get some stupid fruit. It was to throw firecrackers at my nephews. I wouldn't even know where to find a pineapple tree around here. Do pineapples even grow on trees? For that matter, are pineapples considered a fruit.........never mind. I was pretty sure I had some regular apples at home and I most certainly did not climb a tree for those either.
Maybe in China if you want some fruit you have to climb a tree, but this is America. We have a great thing called capitalism. If I want some fruit, I pay someone to give it to me. It's much easier on the knees.
Plus, not climbing the tree to selfishly get the fruit myself helps the economy and unites the cultures of the world. I pay money to a Chinese restaurant to eat their fruit, which was delivered to them by a local Italian produce company. That organization received their produce via a Polish trucking company from a Jewish fruit vendor that hires Mexicans to climb the trees and get the fruit which eventually ends up on my plate.
In fact, very few of the people involved in the fruit process actually spent any time climbing the tree. In order for this fortune to be accurate it should read:
This also cuts out all the middle men, which would allow you to get your fruit much cheaper.
Nice try #6. Luckily, your food is good, because your fortunes are way off track.
Ya gotta love fortune cookies these days, I got one a few weeks ago that said I would be encountering aliens soon xD.
ReplyDeleteThat's probably the wildest one I have ever heard.
DeleteI got a fortune the other day that was blank. . .oddly enough I found this comforting; kind of like a "Choose Your own Adventure" book.
ReplyDeleteNah, apologies, that one was a metaphor for your imminent demise. :[
DeleteEither that or it was written in invisible ink, and said you would soon find a new and lucrative career as a secret agent... IF you could decipher the message.
No future is what I would have thought as well.
DeleteMeh, my most recent fortune told me that I would have a very happy year. It's October, and so far that fortune is woefully inaccurate. But I feel like I've told you this before. I'm in a fog from the sick. Please to excuse me.
ReplyDeleteIt makes you wonder if they just make this stuff up.
DeleteHmm...to eat the froglegs one must first run over the frog?
ReplyDeleteTo eat the fried rice one must first slosh through the rice paddy?
...but to eat my fabulous peanut butter cookies, one must only say you want one! (see how easy I am?)
That really works out in my favor. Thank you.
DeletePineapples are berries, actually! They grow on the central stalk of a spiky-leaved bush that looks like a larger version of the pineapple's leafy crown.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I had no idea.
DeletePineapples grow on trees? All I know is that they taste good but it's better to buy it already cut up because it's difficult to cut.
ReplyDeleteI don't know anything about them. I just eat them.
DeleteFun that you managed to climb a fortune cookie tree and pluck an entire post out of this. I think your cookie was speaking "figuratively."
ReplyDeleteThat's my daughter's thinking as well. She says I'm too literal.
DeleteNow that is odd...I'm with Stephen - it's figurative and you can make up whatever you want it to really mean!
ReplyDeleteI guess keeping the meaning hazy protects them from lawsuits.
DeleteFortune cookies have gotten a bit lame lately, haven't they? At least you managed to make us laugh with yours.
ReplyDeleteThank you. If nothing else, they are good for entertainment.
DeleteI just wait for the fruit to fall off my fruit trees.
ReplyDeleteI am hungry often.
I wish I had a bacon cheeseburger tree.
DeleteHaha. Silly. I saw the most WONDERFUL short film on PBS recently. A couple was arguing upstairs in a restaurant. Little did they know... cut to: a dark basement down below, people listening with wiretaps to all the conversations above. It seems ominous. You think one of the couple is a spy setting the other up. Then you find... what the people downstairs are doing is listening to people, figuring out what they need to hear, and sending little messages in the fortune cookies. I just loved it.
ReplyDeleteThat's a million dollar idea!
DeleteHow does this stuff just fall into your lap (that's an expression, I know you left completely stain-free)?
ReplyDeleteI have challenged myself to use fortune cookies as a writing prompt. Some are easier than others.
Delete