Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Danger Mouse Must Sign A Release Form

Today, I finally broke down and bought the toy that I've wanted for the last year. I bought a Kindle Fire. It has so many features, I am still learning how to use it, but I love it.

As much as I'm enjoying my new toy, getting it was not nearly as enjoyable. I will break this story up into two parts. I know how pleased everyone was last time I did a 'TO BE CONTINUED.'*

*Hopefully, the sarcasm was noticed.

I bought it from a Best Buy over an hour from my home. I had to travel for unrelated business anyway and decided to get it while I was there. I had arrived 30 minutes before the store was open, so I wandered around some of the other stores to pass some time. I have a tendency to get into trouble if I don't keep myself busy.

All dogs go to heaven,
but cats burn in eternal fire
One of those stores was a Petco. After spending a few minutes looking at the animals, I decided to get a feeder mouse* for Dr. Finklerstein.  

*'Feeder mouse' is a nice way of saying 'snake food.'

Dr. Finklerstein is a python…and he eats live mice. In case you didn't catch that part. Well, he kills them first, and then eats them. So, I am buying a mouse to toss in a cage to be eaten by a snake.

It is very important to the story that you understand that.

I ask one of the employees to get me a feeder mouse and he dashes off. After several minutes, he comes back, hands me a paper and says, "Fill this out and date it."

Without even glancing at it, I started to just give it back to him. I hate when stores ask for my information. I decline to provide it because they don't actually need my info for me to make a purchase. Plus, I don't want to get a bunch of mail from them, electronic or otherwise.

As I start to hand it back, I see the word 'AGREEMENT' at the top. This made me curious. I read the paper and realized it was a disclaimer form promising that I would treat the animal I was purchasing in a humane fashion and would not intentionally let it come to harm.

Let me remind you again that I was only buying this mouse to feed it to a snake!

After reading it, I looked up at the employee. He stared back at me with eyes that clearly said, "I know. Please don't say it."

My eyes pleaded with his, "I want to say it."

He glared back and his eyes spoke with intensity, "Can't you tell I think this is stupid too?"

I furrowed my brow and even shook the paper for effect as my eyes challenged his, "But you're the one who gave me the paper."

He then sighed and gave me a sad look that said, "I can't get your mouse until you sign it" or it might have said, "I hate my job." I'm not very good at reading visual cues. Either way, I signed the paper promising not to harm the mouse.

Despite the fact that he knew I was lying since I had asked for a feeder mouse, he retrieved one for me. I tried to hand him the signed agreement, but he instructed me to present it at the register when I checked out.

As the check out girl was ringing up my mouse, she asked for the humane treatment document. I handed it to her and asked, "You do know that I am only buying this mouse for snake food, right?"

She shot me a look that sternly communicated, "You do know that I only make minimum wage, right?"  

I took my receipt and new doomed pet out of the store and headed toward Best Buy. It was time to get my Kindle, but the story of that store will have to wait until tomorrow.
Tune in to our next post for the conclusion to this harrowing tale and answers to the questions:
  • Will Best Buy also have asinine paperwork?
  • Does the mouse have an opinion about any of this?
  • Will Brett continue to communicate with his eyes or will he switch to using a finger?
These questions and many more will be answered in the next post…or maybe not.

20 comments:

  1. Best Buy does indeed have asinine paperwork. A couple of years ago I bought a laptop there, and even though I argued with the clerk about giving them my personal information, I eventually caved. A couple of days later, I received an email from them, but it was addressed to someone else, complete with the unknown person's credit card information, address, etc. The kid must have mixed up our emails or something. You better believed I threw a world class fit, because I'm sure someone received an email with all my information too.

    Okay, rant over.

    I hope Mr. Finklerstein treated the mouse as humanely as possible. Or something.

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    1. I just flat refuse. The employee presses so hard because they are told they are supposed to get the information, but they won't let you walk out without buying the merchandise over the issue.

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  2. Drats. Well now I'm hanging on the edge of my seat.

    And basically everyone in that store knew that you were fraudulently agreeing to something? That's great. So, what is the repercussions of you NOT treating it humanely? Will they report you to the SPCA? There should definitely be an exception for those animals that are intended to be fed to other animals. It's silly, really.

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    1. I don't know. It didn't have the penalties listed. The bottom of the paper even made it clear that it was specific to feeder animals. It made no sense to me.

      Delete
  3. This is a perfect beginning to what I'm sure is going to be a funny end to the story, you never disappoint,

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  4. Dude, this section was short enough you could surely have told it all at once! Now I'm all disappointed. And stuff.

    I mean, you told us how it ends anyway: Spoiler Alert! You came home with the Kindle Fire.

    (I blame my negativity on the cold you gave me.)

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    1. I got it, but it wasn't easy to get out of the store. You sound sniffly.

      Delete
  5. I know I'm a big fat softie with a bleeding heart, but I don't get snake ownership. Snakes certainly serve a purpose in the environment (humans can't make this claim) and I appreciate that rodent populations would be out of control without snakes keeping their numbers down, but to hand feed a mouse to a snake just strikes me as...well, just something I could never do. But I will be back to hear about your encounter with Best Buy.

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    1. I just toss him in the cage and the snake takes care of the rest.

      I understand. A lot of people don't like it. However, he is eating the same thing he would be eating in the wild anyway.

      I like the snake because he is low maintenance, he doesn't damage any of my furniture, doesn't make a mess in the house and most importantly I am not allergic to him. Nothing with fur can live in my house.

      Delete
  6. All I can say, is that is crazy.

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    1. The world hasn't made sense for a long time.

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  7. Oh I can only imagine, I know that there was never a document to sign for feeder mouse in the past, what will they think of next...

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    1. It's been a few years since I bought a mouse at a Petco. There was no form then. I'll stick with my local place. They're cheaper anyway.

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  8. This is just... really bizzare. I've heard of pet places that won't sell you feeder animals, period... but this store seems to be... splitting itself in half over the top of the fence.

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    1. I usually go to my local place where I have no problems. I have noticed that many of the chain stores don't carry them, but the paperwork made no sense.

      Delete
  9. You know, if you just buy a little aquarium, a little saw dust, and put in a little boy mouse and a little girl mouse, you might never have to fill out that "humane treatment" form again.

    But, I knew a girl in our dorm who kept mice in a tank - and it smelled up the ENTIRE floor of the building.

    So take your pick.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. I had considered that, but I heard it turns into a bit of work. Cleaning cages, stopping them from eating each other, etc.

      Delete
  10. Oh, dear Lord..."stopping them from eating each other"?! The thought of the snake eating the mice doesn't phase me. The thought of the mice being all cannibalistic, however?

    ~shudders~

    That one will give me nightmares.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rodents aren't real high on the social skills ladder. We had a hamster once that chewed the feet off another while it was still alive. He couldn't run in the wheel as well after that.

      Delete

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