Monday, September 10, 2012

Morgan Freeman, We'll Miss You, But Not Yet

This morning started like any other. I got up, took a shower, ran Kirsten to school and took care of a few errands before I came back home. When I sat down to my computer and pulled up my Facebook page, I quickly saw this.


This sucks. I love Morgan Freeman. I suddenly felt the need to watch The Shawshank Redemption, but before I dug it out, I remembered news of him dying earlier this year.

I did what I always do when I see "news" on Facebook; I flipped over to Google and did a quick search. I do this for two reasons.

  1. To satisfy my sick curiosity and find out what happened.
  2. To validate the story.
It's a very simple process. I typed in the information I was curious about.


Doesn't that look simple

I was then met with several stories on the subject.

I got my answer without even clicking on any of these results.

This process took me approximately three seconds. Three seconds after seeing the story that Morgan Freeman was dead, I found out that it was a hoax. 3 seconds!!! However, the R.I.P Morgan Freeman page on Facebook has over 800,000 likes. That tells me that, with a few exceptions, almost one million people bought into this based upon what they saw on Facebook. This page is filled with people offering their condolences and talking about favorite movies of his. Plus, this is just one of over 20 other pages I found claiming the same thing.

Facebook is not a news source, people! It is true that I have learned of things on Facebook that were true, but I did not believe them until I verified them someplace else. Since people are so gullible, I think I may try to capitalize on the Facebook trusting public.

I am going to start a Facebook page about an invasion of hybrid earthworm-humans. Top secret government labs produced these hybrids with the intention of creating a thinking worm that could be directed to aerate the soil of farm land more efficiently to produce better crops. However, the worm men got too smart, escaped, and became aware of the rapidly deteriorating condition of the planet due to our mining of the earth's minerals. Being part worm, they care about stuff like that. The hybrids believe they have a solution to the problem and are demanding humans cooperate or they will excavate all the soil under the oceans causing them to collapse into the center of the earth to cave in on itself. This will cause death to everyone on earth except the most disciplined of survivalists. Their theory is that if the earth is going to die anyway, they might as well hurry it along. Of course, this could all be prevented with the cooperation of the guilty human race.

Send your gold to him now or suffer global destruction.
The solution is simple. They require massive amounts of precious minerals to create the chemical compound necessary to save the planet. They demand all people to send all their gold, silver, diamonds and other gems to one location so they can start the process of saving the planet. At the bottom of the page, I will list my address for all the people to send their riches.

Even if only 1% of the people who see the page buy into it, I should make a lot of money.

44 comments:

  1. Maybe the people who liked the page don't actually believe it. Maybe they just like the thought of Morgan Freeman being dead. In which case, we need to eradicate them somehow.

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    Replies
    1. I hadn't considered that. We need to find these people and strip them of their citizenship.

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    2. That was my first thought, that they liked the news of his death. And then I wanted to punch them all in their moronic faces.

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    3. I think Addman is on to something. Maybe it was 800,000 out-of-work voice-over artists. In the last few years Mr Freeman has taken all of the jobs and its time for him to pay...

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  2. It would be heartwarming to know how many people would mourn my passing. I think the number of people that attend my funeral would probably be determined by the weather that day.

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    Replies
    1. Well, then you should probably plan ahead.

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    2. One gets busy and forgets about such things. I had my death all planned out then I realized that my car isn't paid for yet.

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    3. Maybe the Mayans were right and you won't have much longer to pay.

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    4. I've already sold all of my possessions...got $15.31 for 'em.

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  3. So, I went and read about this (not just your blog, Brett!) and it just amazes me the gullibility and sickness of some people! Amazing!

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    1. I am such a cynic, I tend to verify everything.

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  4. There was also something going around saying Bill Nye the Science Guy (who taught me everything I know about science, though admittedly, I forgot most of it) was dead too. Google says it's all a hoax though. I have to wonder why people want to start rumors that celebrities are dead. It's not like they're the one getting attention, since it's the "dead" celebrity that is being mourned for.

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    Replies
    1. Oh, my mom just told me that my Godmother said she heard a rumor Adam Sandler is also dead.

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    2. I haven't heard the one about Bill Nye, but I have heard it about Eddie Murphy, Bill Cosby, Mikey (the LIFE cereal kid), Paul McCartney, and Duane "The Rock" Johnson.

      I don't understand the appeal of taking the time to do this.

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  5. You had me going there for a minute. I like Morgan Freeman and I'm glad he isn't dead. Strange how these rumors get started.

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    1. This page has been up for a few days and the administrator is defending the page to the people who are objecting. He knew it wasn't true when he put it up. It makes no sense.

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  6. I get all of my news from Facebook. You are saying this is wrong? Man, I might need to rethink my entire world view now.

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  7. The National Enquirer never fails me. Totally called the whole John Edwards baby thing and dying Liz Taylor. REAL news, you see.

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    Replies
    1. They do give a much more involved back story.

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  8. Oh my, people never cease to amaze me.

    Good luck with the hybrid earthworms!

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  9. You know, I didn't see that Freeman was dead, but I did see that he'd signed on to narrate the audio book for 50 Shades of Grey. Which I found deeply disturbing and hope it isn't true. I just didn't have the heart to look into it to see.

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    1. I just checked that out and it doesn't seem to be true either. Which is good. I would lose some respect for the man otherwise.

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    2. Josh Robert Thompson (who voices several cartoon characters) impersonates Freeman's voice and reads a parody of 50 Shades of Gray. That is the story, but somehow people misunderstood it.

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  10. I believe your worm theory. And I think that we, as humans, should stand united against them.

    And at least make shirts.

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    Replies
    1. You should, It's totally believable. T-shirts are a great idea.

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  11. I'm glad he's not dead. He is such a wonderful actor that you would hear news of his death long before you see it on fakebook!

    And besides, he's the only guilty man in Shawshank!

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    Replies
    1. I play the news on TV every morning as I get ready for my day. I will believe it when I hear it on there.

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  12. I will totally like your earthworm human hybrid facebook page. While I wait for you to set that up feel free to enjoy some titty sprinkles courtesy of Morgan Freeman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZbK2JQ_cR4&feature=relmfu

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  13. That's genius and I hope you actually go through with that.

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    1. I hadn't planned to, but I am beginning to change my mind. It might be fun to see what happens.

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  14. I cried like a little bitch when I heard. I hate crying. And I hate the stupid chode who made it up and made me cry in the first place. Boo, Facebook!

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    1. I remember when Chris Farley died. That was probably the only celebrity death that bothered me. No depression, I just mourned the loss of his future movies.

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  15. They might not have bought it; they might have appreciated the fact that there was a spoof about it. That said, I use Snopes.com to verify my stuff.

    Also, as a *human* who cares about the overmining and deforestation and pollution we have inflicted on the planet, are you saying I am part worm? Where can I find my fellow human-earthworms? Maybe I should google it to find out more about us mutants. Thank you for alerting me to my kind!

    Yes, I want my human-earthworm t-shirt!

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    1. I am sticking with my basic assumption that in general people are stupid.

      I didn't say people who care about the earth are part worm. I said worms care about the earth. It's like saying dragons are green. That is not the same as claiming that all green things are dragons.

      And I can get the T-shirts.

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    2. Ah. The venn diagrams of semantics. ...or is it "symantics"? I keep getting them confused.

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  16. Dude I am so with you. The whole "It must be true, I saw it on the internet" idea has convinced me that most of this world is "of very little brain". I encourage your "War of the Worlds" facebook maneuver. I will even like it and share it, just to see how many of my friends are ....well I don't like to swear so lets just say "of very little brain".

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    1. "Of very little brain" I love it. I think I will start using that phrase.

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  17. Oh I am with you on being a cynic. It blows my mind the number of people who don't check snopes before reposting some fantastic claim - or at the very least google it.

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