Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Real Life Angry Birds

My brother Trevor is a great story teller. Not only does he always have a story to tell, but he tells it really well. At every family gathering, he will share with us one of his latest adventures. I've shared one of his stories before. Click the link to read about the time one of his buddies got stabbed in a bar. I know it doesn't sound like it, but it's a very funny story.

With Friends Like These...

This is one of Trevor's stories. Just like the one in the bar, I was not present for the events. I only got to hear about them after the fact. I will do my best to recall the story as I heard it.



A few years ago, an acquaintance of Trevor's invited him and some of his buddies to a Sunday afternoon barbecue. While they were trying to decide if they had anything better going on that day, the host drops another detail about the party.  

"We will be having ostrich!"

"An ostrich barbecue? Count us in!"

It's not every day you get to eat ostrich and normally, if you do get the opportunity, it is just a taste. This is one of those opportunities you don't want to pass up. The chance to go to an ostrich barbecue doesn't come along very often.

The following weekend, Trevor and his buddies left early to make sure they could find the place since they had never been there before. They arrived about an hour early and the host was happy to see them. He said he needed help getting ready and he didn't have the ostrich yet. They all piled in the back of his truck and took off.

The host drove them to a barn in the middle of nowhere. Trevor asked, "What are we doing here?" He was told, "This is where the ostrich is." Trevor then realized that the meal for the day was still alive. This day just kept getting more interesting.

They opened up a gate to the pasture and drove the truck in. After driving around several acres, they finally saw the large bird off in the distance. Their host handed a .22 rifle to the guys in back of the truck and told them to shoot it when they drove close enough. He also told them that it had to be shot in the head. A body shot would not kill it. One of the guys happily grabbed the rifle to be the one to get the shot, but soon realized this was not an easy feat.

As the truck got closer, the ostrich ran off and the driver accelerated. The truck gave chase as the driver yelled for him to shoot as he pulled up along side the ostrich. Unfortunately, the ostrich didn't allow for that. As the truck would catch up and start to pull to one side, the ostrich would turn away from it as the driver screamed, "SHOOT!"

The shooter was having some problems. Ostriches can run up to about 40 MPH. They were standing in the back of a fast-moving truck driving on unpaved ground, chasing a bird that is darting back and forth, while having to aim at a part of it's body that isn't much bigger than a tennis ball. The rifle got passed around as they all took their shots.

Eventually, one of them got lucky and the bird went down. The driver jumped stopped quickly, jumped out and cut off the head with a machete. Ostriches react much in the same way as chickens when their heads are removed, except in this case, the flopping bird could kill you if you got too close.

Once it settled down, they all grabbed on to throw it into the back of the truck. However, this was 300 pounds of dead weight. They couldn't get a decent grip on it. Every time they tried to pick it up, they were only successful on the sides. They couldn't get the bulk of it off the ground. They couldn't even roll it in.

By this time, they had been out for over an hour. People would be showing up at the BBQ by now expecting to eat. The host was getting anxious to get moving. He dug some chains out from behind the seat and secured them to the bird's feet and the other end to the bumper of his truck. He said if they could get it to the barn, they could come up with something to get it in the truck. They were over a half mile out in the pasture, but they drug that ostrich all the way.

Once they got to barn, they tried setting up boards on the tailgate to roll it in and several other methods. Nothing seemed to work. Eventually, they threw a rope over one of the rafters in the barn and used the truck to lift the bird into the air. They secured the rope and then drove the truck underneath and lowered it back down.

With the ostrich finally in the truck, they triumphantly made their way back to the party. They discovered that many people had arrived and started the celebration without them. The scheduled time had passed over two hours before then and they hadn't even cleaned and butchered the bird yet. Several people jumped in to help to get the meat started, but it was a slow process. Most of the people left before the first pieces came off.

Trevor and his friends stuck around. After all the work they had put into getting it here, they weren't about to miss out. Plus, they were covered in ostrich blood and figured this might be the only place where that look would be acceptable.



Dude WriteAfter Trevor finished his story, I asked him what he thought of ostrich meat. His reply was simple.

"It tastes like chicken."

70 comments:

  1. A food van in my town sells ostrich burgers. I'd recommend trying it, but I didn't realise how much work it would be to catch and prepare them, even on an ostrich farm. Next time I have one, I'll have a new found appreciation for the work that went into it.

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    1. I've never seen it done, but I would assume that there are probably better methods than the story my brother told. I don't think their host was prepared at all.

      Either way, it made for a great time sitting around the table listening to the tale.

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  2. I'm stuck on thoughts of people digging into ostrich meat and finding a stray rock or twig from the drive back to the barn.

    It's a wonder one of the hunters didn't fall out of the truck while trying to shoot at that tennis ball sized target.

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    1. I can't imagine why the host of the party thought waiting until the last minute would be acceptable. I am sure they had a memorable adventure that day, but I don't think he was the brightest.

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  3. Aw. I was hoping the ostrich got away in that story.

    I was waiting for the bit where it got in a speedboat, and there was a daring boat chase, and then it swapped the boat for a skidoo, while you all chased it on skis.

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    1. That would have made for a more exciting story. I'll tell my brother to throw that in next time.

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  4. Oh brother! I think I'll stick to getting my meat the way the good lord intended ... from a supermarket deli.

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    1. That is much easier. And probably more sanitary.

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  5. I would have been one of the few to stick around to try a piece of that bird.

    Then again, unlike most people I want to try and eat every single animal on the planet at least once. Just to say I have. :P

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    1. I want to eat a jelly fish. Can you eat jellyfish?

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    2. They're working on a technology to sell dehydrated jelly-fish as a good source of protein. Sea Turtles eat them a lot and live a REALLY long time.

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    3. YES! I will eat them and eat the turtles too.

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  6. I would want try the drumstick. And I wonder what that wishbone looks like.

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    1. I would love to see that. I'll bet you'd have to grab it with both hands to break it.

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  7. Ostrich counts as poultry, right? If so I am all for some roast ostrich maybe with some sweet potatoes and gravy. Thinking about it, that would make one huge holiday dinner!

    My question is were you jealous of your brother for getting to participate is such fun? As the baby of the family I was always left out of the fun stuff!

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    1. I never thought about it. It did sound like a lot of fun. There were three of us with me as the oldest and Trevor at the other end. We each have our share of adventures.

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  8. I love this story! I guess Trevor thought he was going to pick up some packaged meat from Ostrich Mart, lol! Aside from the hustling to get the bird back home, I can see how it could be entertaining otherwise to shoot your own bird and take it home.

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    1. Any time I have gone to a barbecue, the meat is already prepared. At most they need to cook it. I'm not even sure how I would react if I showed up for a barbecue and they led a pig out and handed me a knife.

      Although, it would make for a good story.

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  9. It would have been far simpler to just have chicken. Not as much fun, but simpler. Bwahahahahahahahaha.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

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    1. It would have. I don't know if he would pursue this adventure again.

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  10. Now I see why ostrich meat is so rare. Way too much work to get it. Plus, in the end it tasted like chicken so... I think I'll stick to chicken.

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  11. You got my gag reflex going. It's one thing to have a cooked chicken on my plate. It's an entirely different thing to chase it down and have to prepare it. If I had to do that, I'd probably become a vegetarian. Maybe not. I could probably handle a chicken, but a giant ostrich? I'd really feel like I'd need to pray over it or something before eating it. Poor thing. Just pass the bucket of KFC.

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    1. I have no desire to butcher my own food. Any party I go to needs to have the food ready to go.

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  12. I've never had ostrich but I imagine it tastes okay, probably much like chicken. Love the picture. There's a piece of chicken big enough to satisfy my gluttony.

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    1. I think I had some ostrich jerky once. I didn't get a decent chance to really try it, like a burger or a steak. I did have emu once. I can't imagine that ostrich would taste much different.

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  13. That's a lot of work to eat something that tastes the same as something you can buy in a grocery store. It makes for a hilarious story though.

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    1. It was a lot of work. I don't know that the meat was worth it. The best thing they got out of this was the story.

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  14. I think I'll bring a bucket o' chicken for supper Friday.
    ...

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    1. That would be awesome. We can pretend it's ostrich.

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  15. That's awesome. As a meat connoisseur, I rather enjoy ostrich. Also, in the past few weeks, I've eaten wild boar, antelope, and kangaroo. Yes, kangaroo is as tasty as it is adorable.

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    1. Kangaroo? I would love to try that one. I wouldn't even know where to get kangaroo.

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  16. Words fail me and that's not something that happens very often. I'm a vegetarian but if it had taken me that much trouble to help a friend kill a meal, I would've taken a chunk out of it...raw, for all that effort. :)

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    1. There's no way I would have left early. Of course, the people that left weren't involved in the capture, but I still would have stayed.

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  17. I seriously am at a lose for words and those that know me know that rarely happens. Seriously I can't even imagine or picture this, but really great story and thanks for linking this up with us!! :)

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    1. You are quite welcome. I love this feature.

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  18. Well, lots of meat tastes like chicken and requires a lot less work to get on the plate! Btw, your Facebook profile pic completely freaks me out - I have clown phobia dating back to Poltergeist.

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    1. The clown is new. It was a hillbilly yesterday.

      My brother said it was a good time, but he wouldn't do it again.

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  19. I was reading and saying, she's just kidding right? Thinking the photo was photoshop'd you got me. Wow!! So after all that, it taste like chicken!

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    1. I would have been very disappointed.

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  20. Poor bird! Sounds like a ton of work for chicken!

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    1. Thank goodness actual chickens are easier.

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  21. First of all, that KFC photo cracked me up. Brilliant! Second, that wins the prize for most original contribution to #FTSF. This is a new category I have invented- guess I should share it with the others, huh? Lastly, both you and your brother are fantastic storytellers. Thanks for linking up with us again- so glad to have you!

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    1. Thank you. It's been a lot of fun. I will be back.

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  22. When I saw the picture of the three ostriches, I thought you were going to say that when they went to put the ostrich in the truck, his buddies attacked them LOL. I'm a big wuss, so I wouldn't have tried it. I used to get invited to a big pig roast every summer but could never bring myself to go. I'll take my proteins wrapped in plastic from the grocery store - even then, there's stuff I won't eat! Love the KFC pic! :)

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    1. I believe there was only the one out there, but I would imagine an angry gang of ostriches would be pretty scary.

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  23. I've heard ostrich meat is amazing. But the whole finding it, attacking it, killing it? Yeah...and AWESOME story :)
    The KFC photo was epic. I used to work there. Not recently. In high school. But still...

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    1. I have only had ostrich jerky, so technically, I've had it, but didn't just get to sample a section of the meat to be able to honestly be able to compare it to others.

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  24. Great story! Now I'm even more glad that I go to the market for meat than the wild! lol Several years ago, I had a couple of friends that went hunting for ferel hogs on a farm. I understand that they walked for hours before coming up on one. A couple of shots later, it was dead. It was then up to them to get it back to the truck, which was miles away. I think they're still out there trying to move it. Great post!

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    1. I have a friend who tells a story about going on safari for some big game and said the walk back was miserable. I've heard deer hunter stories going the same way. You track and injured deer for miles and then when you find it, it has to be taken back to the truck. NO THANK YOU.

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  25. Great Story! Very entertaining to read on a weekend, thanks for sharing!

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    1. Thank you. It was an entertaining weekend.

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  26. Ouch, so the ostrich didn't survive the day. This was not at ALL like Road Runner vs Coyote.

    Tastes like chicken, eh? I've tried kangaroo meat in Australia - tasted like deer.

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    1. They went through as much trouble as Wile E. Coyote, but actually won in the end. Sort of.

      I would love to try kangaroo, but we just don't see any around here.

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    2. Oh they'll get there eventually. They'll get there! Be afraid!

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    3. I don't know whether to be excited or scared.

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  27. That's hilarious. I think I'd have given up and picked up the largest turkey I could find at the grocery store and see if anyone could tell the differnce.

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    1. At some point, a person has to know when to throw in the towel, but it doesn't make for as good of a story.

      If I ever throw an ostrich party, I will have some turkeys on standby.

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  28. Where do you get a live ostrich around here? Maybe I'll have to have one for my next BBQ!

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    1. I have no idea, but that would be Google worthy.

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  29. I gotta think having alive Ostrich would be way cooler than eating one...mainly because of the tastes like chicken problem.

    Charge for rides. Heck, put him in a giant pasture and let people come out and try to shoot him in the head with a paintball gun.

    WG

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    1. I think you're on to something. Put them on a four wheeler. give them a paint gun and turn them loose. People have paid good money for less fun than that.

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  30. Your story reminds me of all those times when I was a kid and we would get all the neighbors together to butcher chickens. After doing every disgusting, horrible thing you can think of to a chicken,we always had chicken for supper. It never failed.

    My dad always ate the chicken neck. An ostrich has to have one hell of a lot of neck to chew on?

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    1. I wonder if the neck would be as good.

      I went along for a mass chicken cleaning spree. We killed and prepped a few hundred. I didn't care to have any chicken for a while.

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  31. Doesn't everything taste like chicken?

    The thought of driving around in a truck and trying to accurately shoot a running ostrich in the head sounds impossible, but oddly enough something that I might want to do.

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    1. As crazy as it all sounded, it seems like something that would have been a lot of fun.

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  32. I've never eaten ostrich, but that big bucket of KFC with something fried coming out made me want that last piece of chicken in the fridge.

    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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    1. I can eat chicken any time. Cold, hot, old, under the stove, whatever. Any time.

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