Thursday, February 28, 2013

Fortune Cookie #7 - Opportunity Knocks

This week I got to visit my favorite restaurant China Buffet #6 which is named #6 because it is the sixth restaurant the owner started and not something cool like the first five were cursed by a Chinese spirit and this is the first one to succeed. As usual, the meal was wonderful and they soon brought us our fortune cookies. I received the following fortune:

When you learn to be flexible, amazing opportunities reveal themselves!

So, the key to opportunity is flexibility? This must be one of those ancient Chinese secrets that are always being whispered about in dark alleys and billiard rooms, because I have never heard this before. I know of many people who are jealous of a dog's flexibility, but I don't believe those are the types of opportunities that are being suggested here. After all, this was a fortune cookie, not a footnote from the Kama Sutra.

And he just happens to be Chinese!
Coincidence? I think not!
As someone who is always looking for amazing opportunities instead of the regular, run-of-the-mill, day-to-day, boring opportunities, I gave this some serious thought. The most flexible person I could think of was that little Chinese dude Yen in Ocean's Eleven. He became a multi-millionaire in that movie and he only had the opportunity to do so because of his flexibility, so there seems to be some truth to this fortune. Flexibility does present opportunity.

I already stretch every morning, so I have a little flexibility, but it is nowhere near the ability of Yen. He spent a third of those movies folded up into some tiny space. I need to do much more than stretch to even begin to reach his level of elasticity.

Being the lazy mentally-driven intellectual that I am, I need to think about this more before I actually start doing anything. Seriously, what types of opportunities are out there. Yen became rich by using his flexibility as part of a criminal crew. I'm not sure that I want to live a life of crime. Criminals have a tendency to be shot by not only the police, but other criminals. I don't think I want to get shot. It would probably hurt.

If the life of a criminal is off the table, then what is left opportunity-wise for the flexible person? Before Yen turned to a life of crime, he was a circus performer. All I can come up with is a life in the circus or performing as a sideshow freak next to the sword swallowers, basketball playing duck, fire eater, yodeling chicken and bearded lady.

Not only would neither of those lifestyles be very glamorous, but I don't imagine they pay very well either. With a little bit of research, I found that the Bureau of Labor Statistics actually keeps track of this sort of thing. According to eHow.com, contortionists make roughly between $9 and $33 an hour, but those higher paid ones work for places like Cirque de Soleil and everyone knows that getting that type of job relies more on who you know than what you can do.

I have come to the conclusion that this fortune may be true according to the perspective of the people who wrote it, but the Chinese are willing to live in apartments the size of a coffin and work 18 hours a day for $0.43/hour. So, their idea of what qualifies as an amazing opportunity would probably only be mildly tolerable to me.

Once again, I love the China Buffet #6, but have to question the validity of their fortunes.

18 comments:

  1. I've never been shot, but you're probably right that it would hurt. I think it would be best to avoid it so that we don't find out, simply because pain is not a good thing.

    I have to wonder, if being flexible like Yen, would not be all its cracked up to be. Surely being locked in a small container for a decent length of time would cramp up even the most elastic-type people. Then you would probably be stuck in that position until the cramp went away, which would probably be the time when the cops/other bad guys burst in with their guns.

    I just don't see it going well.

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    1. I got stabbed once and that was pretty painful. I can only imagine that being shot would be worse. I'm glad I gave up on the idea.

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  2. I once got a fortune that said my love life would be happy and harmonious. Seeing as that was right at the beginning of a five year dry spell, I guess it was harmonious in it's own way.

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    1. My wife once got one that said, "You are pretty."

      It made her day.

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  3. Maybe you don't have to be full-body flexible. Maybe just ankle or elbow flexibility would work. I mean joints are supposed to be bendy, right? I say only focus on one flexible joint at a time. Maybe you can work your way up to those amazing opportunities. Maybe you could be on the next America's Got Talent!

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    1. I can bend my pinky in crazy ways. Maybe I can turn that into money somehow.

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  4. My wife is so flexible. She can do Yoga like a champ and put herself into a pretzel and all kinds of weird crap. And she just got a huge promotion at work that doubled her salary. Meanwhile, I can't touch my own toes and I'm unemployed. I think you're onto something...

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    1. You have a crazy flexible wife and her income doubled while you stay at home? Were you complaining or bragging?

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  5. Okay that lady that's going around and around is very troubling. Freaky and then some.

    I think you need to just stick with the Chinese food and pass on the fortune cookies. Bwahahahahahahaha.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's pretty rare that I get a good fortune or should I say a believable fortune, but it does add to the meal.

      In fact, I think all restaurants should incorporate this practice. Seafood places could give away treasure maps. Southern food could print sage Cajun advice on the plates under the food. It would be great. Or cheesy. I don't know yet.

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  6. Mrs. Chatterbox has a fortune in her purse that she keeps with her always. It reads: he will be the light of your life. The next day our son was born.

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  7. Hahaha! I thought you were going to write something deep and meaningful about how one has to be flexible in their goals and ambitions, in order to succeed in life. Instead I can't my eyes off that woman spinning around like a demented spider. Why would you even want to do something like that? WHY? :)

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    1. Because of the amazing opportunities that were undoubtedly thrown at her after the performance. That young woman was Ellen Degeneres.

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  8. ~snicker~ you must've gotten one of the Kama Sutra's sold under the table with the cover ripped off because I've not seen one with footnotes about canines...

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    1. I don't think I have seen references to dogs either, but the expectation of extreme flexibility seems to always hang there.

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  9. I had a fortune cookie the other day that had no fortune at all. I believe this has already come true.

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