Monday, March 26, 2012

Hop Along Sunday

Disclaimer before you read this post: About 3 months ago, I wrote my most popular post Abscessed Adventures with Adam telling the story of me taking my friend Adam  for an emergency room visit. Due to the nature of his injury (bleeding groin) that day, my blog caused him a little embarrassment.  I have learned my lesson and sincerely apologize to Adam. In order to save him from further embarrassment, for the remainder of this post he will be referred to as Steve.

As explained in past posts, "Steve" is an amputee. Half of one foot has been removed and three toes on the other foot. This information is necessary for the story and also explains why he moves so slow at Wal-Mart.

Due to some issues with Steve's insurance, his primary care doctor has dropped him. This has resulted in Steve not having access to his pain medication. He doesn't take it very often, but it is there when he needs it.

Steve has a new DJ business that is starting to see an increase in customers. This past week has been especially busy and he has been on his stumps feet a lot. Without proper medication, he tried to power through the pain and did so for several days. Sunday morning at church he pulled me to the side.

Steve: "I have a serious problem. You have to take me to the hospital."

Me: "Now?"

Steve: "As soon as church is over."

You have got to try this.
Me: "I don't know. Subway has that new meatball pepperoni sub. I am really looking forward to trying it."

Steve: "Ooh! That does sound good. Let's go, but you have to drag me to the truck. I can't walk."

He was serious. Since he weighs more than me, by the time I  hauled him to his vehicle, we had both worked up an appetite and did go out for lunch.

Once our hunger was satisfied, we headed to the hospital. Due to the construction that is still going on from the last time we were there, driving up to the emergency room door involves a long, tight curve. There was an unmanned car parked in front of the door, which meant that I would be unable to pull through after dropping Steve off. I would have to back out through the winding obstacle course.

Unsympathetic to my concerns, Steve still insisted I take him right to the door, which I did because I am an awesome friend.

We pull up to the door and Steve just sits there.

Me: "Well, get out."

Steve: "I can't walk. Remember."

Me: "You don't have to walk. You just have to get out of the truck. I have to go park."

Steve: "What am I supposed to do once I get out?"

Me: "I don't know. Lay on the sidewalk or something. After I park, I will roll you in the door."

He gets out and stares longingly at the entrance. To be polite, I made sure not to hit him with the mirror despite him not stepping from the vehicle.

Once I returned from finding a spot, I was relieved surprised to discover that he had found his way inside. The smell of Vicodin must have lured him into the building. The nurses remembered us from our last visit and they directed me to the correct room as soon as I walked in.

Steve was laying on the bed moaning. He was already starting to panic because he was afraid they might want to touch his foot-type thing or, even worse, give him a shot. As I started to explain why it would be worth it, I heard a quiet, high-pitched "YOOHOOOO."

Me: "Steve, did you hear that?"

Steve: "All I hear is the blood rushing to my head."

Mystery Voice (whispering): "Is there anyone here?"

Me: "There it is again."

Steve: "Is it that hot nurse from earlier?"

Me: "No."

Steve: "Then, I don't care."

It was so quiet, I wasn't even sure I was hearing it. Then, I heard it again, but louder.

Voice (screaming): "Someone bring me some food!"

Me: "I knew I wasn't wasn't crazy."

Steve: "I beg to differ."

Me: "Shut up! Listen."

Screaming Voice: "I AM HUNGRY! SOMEONE BRING ME SOMETHING! IS ANYONE OUT THERE?"

Me: "Those nurses are good at tuning people out. Steve, start screaming. We'll see who comes."

Steve: "No. My head hurts."

Me: "You're no fun."

The doctor came in and Steve winced in pain.

Me: "He hasn't even touched you yet."

After hearing the story and attempting to get close enough to observe the troubled area, the doctor explained that he could give him something for the pain right now, but Steve would need to find a doctor to take him on as a patient.

Steve started crying.

Me: "What is wrong with you?"

Steve: "He almost touched my foot."

The nurse came in and pulled out the last thing that Steve wanted to see, a syringe. Once convinced it wasn't going in his foot, he decided to accept it.

Steve took several deep breaths and waited. She cleaned the area and gave the injection quickly. Steve decided it wasn't so bad. He asked what she had given him.

Nurse: "Morphine."

The nurse left and said she would be back with a 3 day prescription of painkillers, but Steve really didn't care. Something had happened to him.

 
HA HA HA HA! What pain? Why are we here?

Steve's pain was gone and so was his capacity to think, talk, or concentrate. Everything the nurses tried to explain to him was funny. The old woman that fell in the hallway was funny. The rubber gloves on the table were funny. Luckily, they got the needed signatures from him before the shot.

I decided it was time to leave and went to bring the truck to the front. I, apparently, left my phone behind and Steve answered when my daughter called.

Five minutes later, her Facebook status was updated.

Now, remember, this is Steve (not Adam)!


51 comments:

  1. Consider the identity saved!

    Every time I hear about the health system in America, it makes me happy that Australia has a good public health system. Being free and all

    The high tax is worth not having to worry about that sort of crap.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't want to embarrass him again, so I thought the alias might be a good idea.

      Delete
  2. Lol I'd like to spend a day with the two of you guys, I have a feeling it would be a fun time, morphine or not.

    I'll even pay for the Subway.

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    Replies
    1. It would be an honor. Although, if you're paying, we may want Quizno's.

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    2. Okay fine Tracie, I guess you are invited.

      Delete
  3. Hahahha sounds like quite the adventure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That it was. Hospitals are great for a good time.

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  4. So many paths to awesome and you took them all. I can't believe you went to each lunch first.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When you're hungry, you're hungry.

      Plus, with the morphine injection that came later, it was probably a good idea anyway.

      Delete
  5. Wow, and to think if I'd only gone to that hospital we could have been in the ER at the same time. Small blessings haha

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    Replies
    1. You should have been there. It would have been a great time.

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    2. With the way I was felling I might have asked for my own dose of Morphine. The stuff they gave me at the other hospital only took the edge off. I wanted the funny meds!

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    3. The funny meds definitely made the rest of the evening more interesting.

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  6. but what was the voice? That $5 footlong sub was calling to you? After you ate it? That's a shame.

    I feel like I'm reading the car-theft story again: laughing really hard and yet feeling bad for the "other person" who had to be a party to it.

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    Replies
    1. As you can see from the pictures, I don't do much of anything before I eat ever!!!! LOL

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    2. The voice turned out to be a woman yelling from one of the rooms. That's why we went to eat first.

      Writing these stories I am beginning to realize that I might have a mean streak.

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    3. I think all big brothers are born with that streak. It's inevitable because you have the power over the younger siblings and as we all know: power corrupts.

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  7. This was hilarious! Love how towards the end you dropped off using "Steve" and just went with Adam. I hope the original Adam story is still up so that I can read it. I figure Adam/Steve won't mind one last person getting some enjoyment out of it - especially if he's still high.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. The high lasted a few hours and then he passed out. The original story is still up.

      I haven't yet decided if the ER nurses are amused by us or not.

      Delete
  8. The disclaimer alone had me laughing out loud, so by the time I got to the end, I was laughing like a loon!

    Adam...er steve's face is hilarious, as is this post!

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    1. He laughed like that for a long time. I kept asking what was so funny.

      (Through tears) I don't know.

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  9. Thanks again preach for sharing this....I'm just glad that I have a "great friend" that will take me to the hospital when I need. Brett has been there every time I need help don't know what I would do without him.

    Red...The sound was a lady from the other room...she went on and on..also, I knew that I wasn't going to leave the er without pain meds so I wanted to get something to eat before hand.

    Bozo- No there is no help at the entrance to the er that would be helpful but, since I'm not pregnant they don't care about handicap people!!! (just kidding) but, thanks anyways...

    I really glad that I can make my pain and suffering (no matter what it is) turn out to be enjoyable to everyone on here...

    Just an update too my pain is gone and I am trying to find a doctor to take care of this issue so this doesn't happen again..

    Thanks to you all..

    Steve- Adam lol

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  10. ROFLMAO! preach - u are so good at humor and so good to my bro! love u for that! this is classic!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. We enjoyed it.

      Well...I did, anyway

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  11. Thanks again preach for sharing this....I'm just glad that I have a "great friend" that will take me to the hospital when I need. Brett has been there every time I need help don't know what I would do without him.

    Red...The sound was a lady from the other room...she went on and on..also, I knew that I wasn't going to leave the er without pain meds so I wanted to get something to eat before hand.

    Bozo- No there is no help at the entrance to the er that would be helpful but, since I'm not pregnant they don't care about handicap people!!! (just kidding) but, thanks anyways...

    I really glad that I can make my pain and suffering (no matter what it is) turn out to be enjoyable to everyone on here...

    Just an update too my pain is gone and I am trying to find a doctor to take care of this issue so this doesn't happen again..

    Thanks to you all..

    Steve- Adam lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was happy to do it. Plus, I need things to write about.

      Kidding. Any time.

      Delete
    2. Train = Steve = Adam? Oh... I'm starting to understand lol... thanks for the additional input and I'm happy you survived, not only the incident, but having Brett take you! I'm coming over to visit your blogs - I'm curious!

      Brett, I forgot to note earlier that your daughter is awesome. Loved the facebook detail!

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    3. I think she inherited my mean streak.

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    4. Bozo- yes you are correct and thanks for visiting my blog I saw your comment and responded to it.

      Adam is my name but, I have went by Train for about 15 years...My dad called me train even...It just stuck...

      Steve is my alter ego...lol

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  12. Too funny y'all love it.. glad you went preach I always want to punch someone when Adam and hospitals ate involved.

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    1. It worked out for the day. He just needs a permanent doctor now.

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  13. I laughed so hard when you told SteveAdam...AdamSteve to just lay on the sidewalk. I feel terrible. Maybe I should go to church or donate to a charity, but I don't want to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Luckily, he doesn't take me seriously very often.

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    2. NellieVaughn-thanks for that!!! I have join your blog and its make me laugh (just like in the er!!!)

      Brett is really mean, but I know its all in good fun sometimes...

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  14. I love that, despite Steve's intense pain, he still wanted to know if it was the 'hot' nurse.

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    Replies
    1. His priorities don't change, regardless of circumstances.

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  15. You have now given me a new place to hang out to get blog fodder. Walmarts and hospitals. People watching doesn't get any better than that.

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    1. It has recently become a hobby of mine to keep my camera phone ready every time I go to Wal-Mart. I feel like I am being mean, but it is so much fun to get those pictures.

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    2. It's not mean. They put it out there. They have to expect it.

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  16. OMG!!! I enjoy reading your blogs so much. I now have my friend reading them. I read this one and yelled to her "Shawna get in here and read this, you are gonna love this one!" We were both rolling with tears and laughter. Thank you both for the well needed entertainment. We can't wait for the next adventure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Tracie. I enjoy writing them.

      I'm glad you like them. Hopefully, I keep finding things to write about.

      Delete
  17. I like how you accidentally called him Adam in your post, but it is a great story!

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    1. It gets hard to keep it straight. I'm not a very good liar.

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  18. Morphine is awesome. It is so good for pain and for sleeping. I wish my pharmacy girlfriend would get me some but alas, no luck so far. :(

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    1. After seeing Adam's reaction, I asked for some, but they wouldn't do it.

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  19. Stumbled upon your blog and hilarious!! But where was the voice coming from?!

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    1. Thank you.

      The voice was an old woman in another room who hadn't thought to go eat first like we did.

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Leave a comment. C'MON!!! You're already here. Leave a comment. Don't leave me hanging and wondering if any has ever seen these words. I'll rub your feet.