Thursday, January 5, 2012

Abscessed Adventures with Adam

I first met Dr. Doolittle back in August. Today we crossed paths again, but this time it was not for me.

Early yesterday morning, I took my daughter to school and started off for Greenville College. Since all my classes are online right now, I rarely need to go to the campus, but I had an issue with my financial aid that needed to be sorted out and decided to do it face to face. I was about 2 minutes from getting on the interstate when I received a call from my buddy, Adam.

Adam: Are you on the road yet?
Me: I'm still in town, but headed out. Did you decide to go with me?
Adam: No. I need you to take me to the hospital.
Me: What's going on?
Adam: I don't want to say, but there's a lot of blood.
Me: I'll be right there.

I turned around to find out what calamity had visited Adam. I get to his house to find him groaning and attempting to put on some pants to leave the house.

Me: What happened?
Adam: I'm bleeding from my groin!

He then gestured toward the bathroom. I peered in and saw blood all over the toilet seat, the floor and the sink. Not just spatters, but a lot of it.

Me: Did you have your period?
Adam:  Very funny. Can we go now?

On the way, he explained that he had developed an ingrown or infected hair follicle a few weeks ago high on his inner thigh. Not a big deal. It happens. But this one didn't just go away in a few days. It got infected and grew. Adam did not get too concerned about this. He has seen his share of medical problems and was not going to get worked up over a little swelling. Three years ago, he had his feet amputated after being in a three-week coma due to the toxic shock his body endured from developing a rare blood disorder. He spent a lot of time in the hospital and almost died, so this appeared trivial in comparison.

After mild discomfort for a few days, the real pain started when he went to bed that night. He endured it until morning and it ruptured somewhere between getting out of bed and going to the bathroom. After having a seat, he discovers his hand is covered in blood. A quick check confirms the area he is bleeding from and the inevitable freak-out begins.

Once he realizes what has actually happened, he calms down a bit, but is still in a lot of pain. Despite most of the pressure from the infection being released, he now has an open wound on a very sensitive area. It hurt to move or even let the air touch it. That's when he decided to call me.

Our local hospital is under heavy construction, so there are no decent parking spaces available. And due to him only having stumps for feet he cannot walk vary far. I let him out at the ambulance entrance and went to find a parking space. I walked in a few minutes later and asked what room the big guy that walks funny was in. He yelled from one of the rooms. The curtain was closed so I could not see anything, but the smell hit me right away. The blood, sweat and fermented pus was perfectly combined to create an odor that should be manufactured by the military to drive out enemy insurgents.

Since Adam has had so much experience dealing with medical professionals, he has learned how to communicate with them very efficiently. Any time one of them touches him, he screams a string of profanities loud enough to make the windows shake. The nurse said, "I just need to see it." Adam tried to kick her with his stump.

Once she left, he asked me how bad it was. He hadn't seen it because it was in a precarious place where he could not get to it. The last thing a guy wants to see is the groin area of one of his male friends. It's worse than talking about feelings or admitting you like Cher. I didn't want to look, but I try to be a good friend and he really wanted to know. I mentally secured myself in my masculinity and took a look. He attempted to show me, but all I saw was a bloody mess. I never saw the actual rupture. Plus, exposing the area reignited the smell. I gave a quick nod.

Adam: How bad is it?
Me: Oh, you don't want to know. It looks awful. Bloody, fleshy mess.

In walks Dr. Doolittle. The last time I saw him, he was inserting a needle into the joint in my shoulder. Click his name if you don't know what I am talking about. He pulls the sheet back to take a look and does what every doctor does. He starts poking around the injured area. Adam quickly becomes vocal again. When Doolittle squeezed the area to see if anything came out, Adam reached a decibel level not heard since Hiroshima.

Doolittle released his grip, smiled at Adam and asked, "Did that hurt?"

Now that may sound cruel, but it was actually funny. Dr. Doolittle has a great bedside manner and said it in a way to lighten the mood. Adam laughed through his tears. He then told us it was just an abscess that needed to drain for a few days, gave Adam some tips to take care of it and prescribed some antibiotics.

Exactly two minutes later, the nurse walks in with his prescription and insurance info. I immediately complained, "When I was here, I had to wait in the room for at least 45 minutes before you guys came back in to let me go. How does he get such fast service?"

She calmly replied, "When you use the words he used and at the volume he uses them, we want you out of here as fast as possible."

I told her, "I will remember that."

29 comments:

  1. I'm not sure how I feel about this post. Part of me wants it to be something you made up. On the other hand, if it is, then what in the hell is wrong with you? I was actually afraid to click on the Dr. Doolittle link for fear the story might be worse!!

    And also? I have never heard of an ingrown hair causing such a freaky mess, but I am adding it to my list of weird things to worry about :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Vesta, believe it or not, it is all true. This how I spent yesterday morning. The Dr. Doolittle story is not as gross. It is about pain and it was me rather than someone else. I actually like Doolittle, but every encounter with him involves extreme pain.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Very well said "preach" although your joy is my pain.....maybe I shouldnt complain about getting mentioned anymore....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Adam, you always ask why I never mention you. "We spend enough time together. Why am I never in your blogs?" Well you should be happy now.

    I AM happy you're feeling better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. ... :Ouch!

    Loud screaming of naughty words = equals better service

    No worries

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have yet to try it out, but I believe it is a sound theory.

      Delete
  6. Holy ouch. I had a friend, a woman, who had the same thing. She actually had to be in the hospital for a week, with an open wound they HAD to keep open to drain out all the pus. Ingrown hairs. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like she had it much worse. I've only had 2 or 3 in my life and they are gone within days. I don't understand what is happening here.

      Delete
  7. Oh wow... poor Adam! How perfectly disgusting lol... it's bad enough to be in pain - but then to have the pain originate from a private part of your body.... blah! Just blah!

    One thing I don't get, from both this story and the more recent one, is in regard to the ER welcoming committee - or the lack of one. When someone drives up to the ER door don't they come out to help? Here they'll bring out a wheelchair or stretcher - whichever is needed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey that was a messed up day to tell you really. Don't know if you are up to date on US current events but, president Obama is trying to pass a National Health Bill called "Obama Care" and that will totally revamp everything so maybe just maybe things will change....

      (I'm totally being facetious in this comment this Obama Care is going to ruin the nation)

      Delete
    2. Different hospitals do it different ways. No one greets you at this one. They would come out if asked to, but someone would have to go in first and tell them they needed to.

      Delete
    3. Strange.

      I've heard about Obama Care but don't know what it signifies. It's hard to imagine that anything could make it worse than it already is. Such a strange thing really... it's one of the best in the world, if not *the* best, and yet can be so hard to access.

      Here it's very easy to access, but the few times I've taken friends to the ER, I've had to tell the nurse what to do. lol

      Delete
  8. Wow. As a female cousin of Adam's, that is quite possibly much more than I ever wanted to know!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Adam and I could never be friends. You know how I feel about feet. And groins.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That should mean you would be better friends, since he has less feet than most people.

      Although, he does still have a groin.

      Delete
  10. Yes, I will remember that one, too! I never knew ingrown thigh hairs could do that- create blood or become ingrown. Man, I learned a lot today.

    Thanks for linking up with us over at #findingthefunny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love FINDING THE FUNNY. Thanks for stopping in.

      Delete
  11. Holy moly...ouch!!! That will not be forgotten!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right. We just had another surgery for the same thing this weekend. It will not be forgotten for a long time.

      Delete
  12. Replies
    1. It was pretty bad. He has had four surgeries to correct this since then.

      Delete
  13. Adam is so right! When I had my daughter, I was six hours in well behaved labor, with pitocin to induce and an epidural to maintain pain, and I had a damned hard time getting anybody in there when I was dead sure I needed to push (I was right).

    When I had my son, I wandered in half an hour before giving birth, with the kid sitting on my sciatic nerve on his way out the back door, and I screamed like a motherfucker. I swear to God that nobody but me had a nurse or doctor in attendance for those thirty minutes until they were sure I'd be quiet again (i.e., when the baby was OUT).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That knowledge has come in handy several times since then.

      Delete
  14. Oh damn! Ow! Yep. The old squeaky wheel...

    ReplyDelete
  15. You know what? I'm visiting from the Mod Mom linkup, and I remembered the story as SOON as I got to Adam's name. It's still painfully hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We still doesn't like to be reminded about it.

      Delete

Leave a comment. C'MON!!! You're already here. Leave a comment. Don't leave me hanging and wondering if any has ever seen these words. I'll rub your feet.