Thursday, March 22, 2012

Grand Theft Auto - Kindergarten Style

Not actual car, but closest I could find.
My brother Kyle drove a 1974 AMC Javelin when he was a teenager. He loved that car.

One night, as he was driving home, the car broke down. He pulled over to the side of the road and discovered he would need a few tools to get it running again. Since it was well after dark, it would have to sit until morning. We lived out in the country and knew the car would be safe until then.

The next morning the trip to get the car was a little delayed because we had family come in from out of town. After visiting with them for a few hours, he enlisted me to drive him out there.

We took Kyle's second vehicle. It was a large flatbed truck used to haul water. Kyle had a water hauling business. At the time, we lived in an area that did not have water lines. Everyone in the area got their water from a well. Using a well for your water supply means that you have a limited amount of water and it is possible to run out. If someone went empty they would pay Kyle to come out and refill their well.

Our visiting family members included our 6 year old cousin, Fred. He was fascinated by the large truck, so we asked him if he wanted to go for a ride. He was thrilled to get to climb up in the cab with us. We were soon on our way.

After driving a few miles, Kyle points at his car and says, "Look at that. Someone left a car on the side of the road."

Fred had never asked us where we were going and had never seen this car before. He didn't know it belonged to Kyle. He looked up over the dashboard and commented on how cool it was. I suggested we pull over to get a better look at it.

Kyle pulled his truck up in front of the Javelin and we all get out. Kyle and I watch Fred admiring the car. As Fred is looking in one of the windows, I open the side door. "Hey, look. It's unlocked."

Fred's eyes opened wide. "You can't do that."

Kyle told him, "Relax. There's no one around."

No one for miles.
We lived in a farming community and this was one of those areas where a house could not be seen in any direction. It was all fields, but Fred stood his ground.

As Kyle climbed into the car, Fred protested again, "Get out of there. The cops will get you."

I open the hood and yell, "Hey, Kyle, I think I see the problem."

Fred yells at both of us, "I want to go back. Let's leave."

Ignoring Fred's pleas, Kyle joins me at the front of the car and says, "I think I can fix this. Hey, Fred, grab those tools under the driver's seat."

Fred: "No."

Me: "Fred, the quicker we get this car going, the faster we can get out of here. Now hurry."

Fred hangs his head and slowly walks to the truck. He retrieves the tools and comes back to stand beside us. He stood there looking at the tools in his hands, contemplating whether he should be an accomplice in this crime he did not want to commit.

Kyle: "Give me the tools and go behind the truck and watch for cars."

Fred: "What?"

Me: "We need you to keep watch in case someone comes."

Fred: "I don't want to. I'll wait in the truck."

Kyle: "Fred, at this point, if someone comes, we will all get busted. Now, help us out and go watch for cars."

Fred, moving slower than ever, shuffled over to the other side of the truck so he could get a clear view of the road. Kyle begins working under the hood. I assist with my limited mechanical abilities (which usually means turning the key when Kyle says to). We soon forgot about Fred out there keeping us safe.

After a few minutes, we hear Fred scream. I look up and see him come running around the corner of the truck yelling, "CAR! CAR! There's a car coming!"

Fred runs by us and dives into the ditch. Kyle and I quickly take our places hiding behind the car as well. Trying not to laugh, I start to say something to Fred, but he cuts me off and puts his finger to his lips, "SHHHHHH!"

Once the car got by us, Kyle and I stood up. Fred yelled, "Not yet, they could still see us. Get down!"

Once he felt it was safe, he stood up, gave us a dirty look and went back to his place behind the truck without any of us saying a word.

Kyle soon had the car started and we yelled for Fred. I hopped in the Javelin to drive it back and told Fred to get in. He said he was not getting anywhere near the car and climbed in with Kyle in the truck.

On the way back to the house, Kyle was explaining to Fred that he couldn't tell anyone about this. He had to keep his mouth shut until he repainted the car. Fred just sat there with his arms crossed and did not talk all the way back.

Back at the house, I parked the Javelin in the garage and closed the door. Kyle parked behind the house and I helped Fred out of the truck. Before going inside, we reminded him once again that he could not tell about what we had just done. He nodded his head.

We walked to the house and as soon as I opened the door, Fred bolted inside. He ran up to his mother and the little narc spilled out the whole story in one breath.

"MOM, I DIDN'T WANT TO, BUT THEY MADE ME. I GOT SCRATCHED AND WET HIDING IN A DITCH AND THE COPS ARE COMING, BUT I DIDN'T DO IT. IT WAS THEM. THEY TOLD ME NOT TO TELL AND THEN PUT IT IN THE GARAGE. I GAVE HIM A WRENCH BUT IT WASN'T MY FAULT. I DIDN'T WANT TO."

Dude WriteWhen he paused to take a breath, his mother, alarmed by the excited state of her son said, "Wait, what happened?"

Fred hung his head and cried, "We stole a car."

She looked up at us. Kyle and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and went back outside.

46 comments:

  1. I'm shaking with laughter over here. It's amazing how in sync with each other you and Kyle are. Just picking up and playing along without pre-planning it. (well, that's how it comes across. If it was pre-planned, I don't want to know. It's better this way.)

    Just one complaint: You always leave us hanging! Your poor tortured nephew thought he was a felon! Did you scar him for life? Did you turn around and explain right away or make him sweat it out for a few years?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It wasn't pre-planned. It just sort of happened.

      I believe his mother calmed his concerns. He grew up to be fine young man. If he is scarred, he plays it off well.

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  2. Poor Fred. Now I know why he moved to Birmingham.

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  3. That poor kid!! Well, at least we know he was being raised right with a good moral core. And here you were corrupting him and making him think he was an accomplice in your crimes. Although, now that I think about it . . . it would be a good test to see if your kid would go along with something like this. Then you would know if you were raising a good kid or a little soon to be criminal. Hmmm, I've got some ideas. Be right back.

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    1. We did a similar experiment with our kids. Kids know they are not supposed to get into cars with other people without their parents knowledge. I sent a friend of mine to the school to pick up my kids to see what would happen. They hopped in his car with little discussion. He brought them to me and we went over the whole 'bad people' talk AGAIN.

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    2. lol even though it's a safety issue - you have to love how trusting they are. Made me laugh.

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  4. That sounds like something that my parents would have done to me. I want to feel bad for him, but I'm assuming that he wasn't scarred for life, so I can laugh like a crazy person at this story.

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    Replies
    1. He only got messes with a few times a year. My kids got tormented on a daily basis. I think I have really messed them up.

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  5. FRED IS AWESOME!! What a good little boy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He was a good boy. If he had been a little older he might have stood up to us more successfully, but being 6 years old, he was definitely at a disadvantage.

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  6. Awww poor Fred....if he turned out to be an international car thief, I would so blame you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. He moved to Birmingham. He works with computers. Not sure exactly what he does, but it is legit.

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  7. Did you guys ever teach Fred the importance of not being a snitch.

    Lol, the poor little kid.

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    Replies
    1. I think he learned it later. The lessons for that day were enough. The first being don't trust your cousins.

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  8. That's so awesome, man. Since I was the youngest, I always got ran through the wringer with those sorts of shenanigans. But hilarious nonetheless.

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    1. I was the oldest of three. One time Kyle and I stripped Trevor (the youngest) naked and tied him to a tree in the front yard. We then left for the night.

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    2. And then what happened? lol

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  9. About being a snitch...forgetaboutit....it's a WORSH.
    And it's got to do with TIESSING - ZKSLY .
    So SUCTIM- COMSTUL have had it with TEDEDICA- DISATEDA - ODISPA.
    There goes the ped mob you thought was so " cool"...and oh so " macho".
    FYI- CHO was first to blow off ROVE and ROVE blew off everybody with NYE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry. You lost me after the first line.

      Thank you?

      Delete
    2. I got the same thing on my blog ;) Nice bit of spam.

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    3. agreed. I deleted that spam. Thinking of adding captcha.

      Delete
  10. Well, I was going to add something insightful, but I think that last commenter said it all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I am still trying to decipher it.

      Delete
  11. I really enjoyed the Anonymous comment above. Tell my ex-husband I said hello. Crack is whack, kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have seen her on a few other blogs today. Same kind of stuff on each one. I don't know what it is.

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  12. You're making it very hard to compete with your blog with these great stories.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. You should be around for family holidays. That's when the good stories come out.

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  13. Awwww! Bless Fred's little heart. How mean of you two!

    Dang, and me, because I laughed through almost the entire story.

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    Replies
    1. That is the reaction I get from most people. They laugh through the whole story and then tell me I am mean.

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  14. Yes, totally mean! Poor Fred, I felt so bad for him!

    Of course, to put it into perspective, this comes from someone who tied up two little boys, and forced them to eat green chillies as punishment for using bad language. And you know what the bad language was? The word "stupid". lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok, that was mean. Although, I could see myself doing that to someone.

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    2. They were given fair warning... but maybe didn't realize just how pathetically self-righteous their sisters and I were...

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  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After reading this post, it has been decided that it would only be right for you to raise my nieces. They need a man like you in their lives.

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    2. While I am very very honored, I will have to pass. My youngest is now 16. I have no intention to extend the child raising years.

      I am, however, open to occasional 'teaching' moments. Many parents have entrusted me with their children for the weekend. We go off to have an adventure and come back with lots of scary stories.

      It is fun to shape young minds.

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  16. Haha I laughed so hard my face hurts, now!

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  17. That little snitch! He gave you up immediately. Poor kid. Reminds me of some of the stuff my cousins did to me when I was growing up. No harm done. I'm (relatively) normal. Great story.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. We let him off since he was so young.

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  18. Good story, I hope Fred read this blog :D

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. I don't know if he has read it.

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    2. You might want to send him a link, did he find out that he was being set up?

      It would be the best way to break it to him :p

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    3. His mother sent him a link on Facebook.

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  19. This was so awesome. Ashton Kutcher would be proud!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. I still don't think we have been forgiven.

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