Being able to fly would have all sorts of applications. It would definitely make travel much easier, although without some sort of super strength, I really couldn't take things with me. I would need to invest in a large backpack.
|Save the Cheerleader|
Save the World
Telekinesis would probably be wasted on me since I would use it more for messing with people than ever finding a practical use for it. Plus, I would probably get really out of shape if I never had to get up to do anything. Moving things with my mind would not have a good outcome for anyone.
Despite all my crazy comic book nerd fantasies, I discovered in the last week that I do have a superpower. It is very similar to the Butterfly Effect or the Chaos Theory. The term Butterfly Effect was coined by Edward Lorenz in response to a 1963 paper he wrote demonstrating how the tiniest action can be the catalyst for a series of events eventually causing a result in another part of the world. For example, a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil could cause a tornado to be set off in Texas.
The butterfly did not create the event by itself. It simply started an event that had a consequence, which led to another event, which led to another, and so on, until the accumulation of events created the conditions necessary to create a tornado.
Due to recent events, I now know that I have this ability. Due to my delayed response to a question, I caused an event to occur 8,927 miles away.
Many of you have been following the interaction between Red of Doesn't Speak Klingon and myself. Here's a brief explanation for those of you that aren't up to speed. Of all the people that are watching this saga unfold since my proposal to Red last Valentine's Day, no one is a bigger fan than Bozo of A Bozo's Abbozzo. Please note that Bozo is in India.
Bozo has scoured each of our comment sections to pick up on any communication that may be happening between Red and myself. She sends each of us encouraging comments and gets tickled every time she learns new information. She is thrilled that Red and I are now emailing back and forth, but that also means that our conversations are not in the public eye as they were before.
After learning a new piece of information that Red shared in one of her recent posts, Bozo asked me a question in the comment section of her own blog (compatibility check, sheer curiosity, who knows). Since I wasn't at my computer, I didn't answer right away. Waiting for my response caused her to burn the milk she was boiling. She writes about it here (Of Burnt Milk & Brett Minor).
My actions in Illinois ruined food on the other side of the world. My destruction has a worldwide range.
To demonstrate to you, my readers, that I do not only use my powers for evil, I have an example of how I have used these powers for good. However, while evil comes easy, doing good takes some extra effort.
Red had a very bad day last week and I wanted to do something nice for her. I decided to send her some flowers, but I don't know what town she lives in. I wanted it to be a surprise, so I couldn't just ask her. So, being the computer geek that I am, I put my skills to work to implement my plan.
|I felt like I was|
doing something dirty.
Before I went any further, it occurred to me that this might be outdated information. I didn't want to send flowers to a place that she left 3 years ago. I needed to confirm that she was actually still employed there. I called the number and it was disconnected.
A Google search for the company name gave me a new number. As I began to dial the number, I stopped and rethought this entire adventure. How will this be perceived? Will she be impressed or feel like she is being stalked?
After thinking it over for a few minutes and praying that my intentions would be understood, I decided to proceed. I called the number and asked for her. The receptionist asked "And who should I say is calling?"
I hadn't thought of that. What do I say? I didn't want to give my real name, because I wanted the flowers to be a surprise. I blurted out the first name that came to mind, "Steve Powers."
I don't know where that name came from, but was glad I didn't say Austin Powers. That might have been hard to accept.
Then, she answered. "Can I help you?"
After weeks of blogging comments and hundreds of emails, I actually have her on the phone. I am hearing her voice for the first time, but since she doesn't know it is me, I have to play my part to get the information that I need. I wanted to confirm that the address I had was correct for getting to her and not just some receiving area in the company. I did my best to answer her questions despite knowing very little about the subject matter and got the information that I needed.
I hung up the phone and felt the guilt wash over me. I felt like such a bad person, but there was no turning back now.
I contacted a flower shop in her area and placed a delivery order. I then tried to busy myself and hoped for the best. Today, could mark the end of this internet courtship.
Two hours later, I receive an email from Red indicating that the flowers had achieved the result I had been hoping for. Of course, her first question was, "How do you know where I work?"
I quickly called back as Steve Powers again so I could tell her that she had given me what I needed to know. I identified myself very early this time.
My mood was entirely different after hanging up this time. The sky was brighter, food tasted better and my daughter told me to stop smiling like an idiot.
My plan worked.
Back to my Chaos Butterfly superpower: I used my power for both evil and good within 24 hours of each other. My evil powers have at least a 9000 mile range, my good powers have only been tested up to 900 miles. I am going to have to develop the good side much further to maintain a balance in the Force.
|Note the butterfly.|
I think not.