I had forgotten about agreeing to do this until a book was set in front of me at last week's dinner. It contained the lesson plan for today. My daughter, who was to be my assistant, was told she would have to walk me through it. She has assisted with the children many times and apparently is pretty good at it. Neither of us picked up the book, each assuming that the other was going to get it. On Wednesday, when I asked Kirsten for the book, we realized what had happened. I looked all over the church and my home for that book and finally realized that I would be walking in blind with no lesson.
|Clowns make people happy.|
The kids were pretty well behaved and I spent most of my time throwing toys back in the bins so there would not be a huge clean up afterwards requiring me to take bids from contractors. My daughter was on bathroom duty and escorted them when they suddenly realized they had to go. I was grateful to have her there for that, but then she said, "Who's ready for a snack."
ME: (exasperated) Why would you say that?
KIRSTEN: Say what?
ME: About the food?
KIRSTEN: It's time to eat.
ME: We are only in here for an hour and everyone is happy. What have you done?
KIRSTEN: Dad, we have to feed them.
ME: No, we don't. Once again, one hour.
KIRSTEN: I don't see what the problem is.
ME: You don't fix what isn't broke. This will only lead to disaster.
As we were having this debate the kids had made their way to the table and were already demanding what they wanted.
ME: See what you've done.
KIRSTEN: Just throw some food at them.
Kirsten pulls a box of graham crackers out of the closet. I objected on the grounds that we had to clean this room before we left.
ME: No. Too many crumbs.
Kirsten rolls her eyes, returns to the closet and comes back with prepackaged apple slices.
ME: No, too sticky.
Kirsten appeared frustrated. I don't know why, I was only trying to help. She doesn't always think these things through. She suggested we start with the drinks since the kids were starting to complain. She gave each kid a cup and asked me to grab the juice.
ME: Juice? That will get everywhere and once again, sticky.
Kirsten stepped around me to get the juice and knocked a box of raisins to the floor. One of the kids immediately started crying.
SHORT PERSON: (wailing) I don't like raisins.
|Raisins OR bloated ticks|
ME: (urgently) Kill the bugs before they crawl away and get in the other classes!
The little boy that hadn't spoke all through class ran up to the table and smacked his hand on one of the raisins and squished it.
ME: Good! Now, quick, eat the bug.
He popped it in his mouth and smiled. I threw more raisins on the table and the kids simultaneously went nuts trying to smash them all and cram them in their mouths before they crawled away. This included the kid who insisted he didn't like raisins.
Parents eventually started showing up to reclaim their children and due to our pre-planning, there was very little clean up. Once again, I have survived a room full of small children. However, I still have no desire to do it again.