Wednesday, May 9, 2012

100th Post - Send Me a Present

This post marks a milestone in my blogging career. Can you call it a career if it doesn't make any money? This is my 100th post. To celebrate, I am posting 100 things about myself that I have never mentioned in my blog before.
  1. First thing about myself: In this list of 100 things, every 10th one is a joke (#10, #20, #30, etc.). As in, not true. The rest are true. I had to do this because I could only think of 90 things. You try thinking of 100 new things. It's not easy.
  2. I still don't have a smartphone My phone makes phone calls and texts. That's it.
  3. I don't trust our government. I am sure there are some good people in politics, but they are overpowered by an evil system.
  4. The stories I write in my blog are true. Even the crazy ones.
  5. I played the saxophone in high school and placed first in the state.
  6. I once played poker with Clint Black.
  7. I have swallowed a live goldfish.
  8. I like cheese and mayonnaise, but the idea of them touching each other disgusts me. If a sandwich contains both, they must be on opposite sides of the sandwich.
  9. My mother tells me that as a child, I called fish zeeps. No one knows why. 
  10. I never say I'm sorry because I don't like to lie.
  11. When I finally get my teaching degree, I plan to teach high school math on a military base.
  12. I once bought a JEEP on eBay and flew to New Jersey to drive it home. I loved that JEEP and I miss it.
  13. I know it is a simple dish, but one of my favorite foods is beef & noodles. Love them.
  14. He's even annoying to look at.
  15. I find Aziz Ansari extremely irritating. I cringe every time he speaks, but I still think he's funny. It must be a self hate thing.
  16. Italian food or not, I am not a fan of Parmesan cheese.
  17. I was VP of a motorcycle club and rode a Harley, but never had a motorcycle license.
  18. I don't like to use public restrooms. I will almost injure myself to make it home rather than use one.
  19. I ate an octopus while it was still alive.
  20. Despite my uber-nerd status in high school, I still dated a cheerleader.
  21. I wrote a book called How to Pick up Girls.   Page 1 says: "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of people shrugging. 
  22. I love math. I got a 107 average in Trigonometry, but I have failed Accounting three times.
  23. I chose the name Scout for my future daughter after watching To Kill a Mockingbird in a 7th grade class. Over 10 years later, when she was born, my wife wouldn't go for it and we named her Kirsten. When Kirsten was in the 7th grade they watch the same movie and her classmates said, "Wow! That girl, Scout, looks just like you."
  24. I want to learn to play the piano. Not for fame or fortune. Just to be the guy at parties that everyone is standing around and singing.
  25. If I won the lottery, I would spend some of the money traveling around the world meeting all my blogging friends.
  26. I don't play the lottery.
  27. Sometimes I wish I was an anonymous blogger. I have many stories I would like to tell, but can't because people that know me read my blog.
  28. I will eat anything. ANYTHING. Well, stuff that's already considered food.
  29. My brother Kyle once pushed me off the top of a bridge over some railroad tracks. (Over 30 foot drop)
  30. I got mugged in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
  31. Before I die, I want to travel to China to get a tattoo of an English word on my arm.
  32. I called a U.S. Senator a liar while standing in his office in Washington D.C. That was the end of our meeting.
  33. I am nowhere near as cool in real life as I am on the internet.
  34. I can juggle.
  35. "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
    and won't change the subject."
    Winston Churchill
  36. I am related to Winston Churchill.
  37. I got mono in high school from a girl that turned out to be a carrier, but never got sick. I was the second of three guys she gave it to over the course of two years.
  38. I have spent the night in a hospital one time. I was 2 years old and had pneumonia.
  39. The first time I played golf, I landed on the green with my first stroke on a par 3.
  40. As a teenager, I made my little brother Trevor ride home in the trunk after jumping in a pool because I didn't want him to get my seats wet.
  41. I saw the original Star Wars at a drive in.
  42. I think feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.
  43. I signed up for the military, but they rejected me.
  44. One Thanksgiving, I ate the dog scraps that had been scraped off everyone's plates thinking it was a plate prepared for me.
  45. I do not enjoy fishing. It bores me.
  46. My kids never believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
  47. For a short time in my childhood, we had pigs in the basement.
  48. I once drug Adam West out of a bar and put him in bed.
  49. When I was a kid, we were not allowed to watch Three's Company for obvious reasons, but we watched Benny Hill with our parents every week.
  50. My middle name is Marshall. - Brett Marshall Minor
  51. My daughter's middle name is Marschel, a variation of my middle name.
  52. Sometimes I tell jokes so bad, the crickets don't even chirp.
  53. NYUK   NYUK  NYUK!
    My favorite Stooge is Curly.
  54. I went to the same school for Kindergarten through high school.
  55. No matter how old I get, I want a house with a fireman's pole to slide down.
  56. I had a dream that I met Red's parents. We were in someone's back yard and her parents were swimming in a pool. Her dad wouldn't talk to me.
  57. I was in the Teamsters union for two years against my will.
  58. One of my eyes is near-sighted and the other is far-sighted.
  59. Despite having very little athletic abilities, I can switch hit (bat both right or left handed).
  60. Every year, a few days  after Halloween, I gather a few of the neighborhood children to help me collect the pumpkins on people's porches. We then drive out to the country to throw them off bridges and watch them get smashed. (We don't throw them onto roads. We find a country bridge high enough that they will break when hitting the ground.)
  61. I once got blisters on my lips from eating a Szechuan pepper. I didn't know what it was.
  62. I hate racist jokes. I think they're off-color.
  63. It is difficult to come up with 100 new things.
  64. I am in the process of growing out my hair. I am told by someone daily that I need a haircut.
  65. I hate when someone interrupts me. I usually respond by starting over when it is my turn to speak again.
  66. I have never been to Disneyland or Disney World.
  67. I am currently in graduate school and have a 4.0 average. YAY!!!
  68. I put peanut butter and Nutella on my waffles.
  69. I was once on TV with President Jimmy Carter. They were actually filming him. I had no idea he was there.
  70. I have the power to infuriate anyone within 3 minutes of meeting me.
  71. The best part of a loaf of bread is the heel.
  72. I spent six months trying to figure out how to grow marijuana in Farmville and sell it in Mafia Wars.
  73. It is almost impossible to embarrass me. My mother says it is because I have no shame.
  74. EMO PHILIPS
  75. I love the stand up comedy of Emo Philips. "At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." - Emo Philips
  76. My brother Kyle and I once stripped our youngest brother Trevor naked and tied him to a tree in the front yard. Not a single passing car stopped to help him.
  77. When my son Christian was 7 years old, during hailstorms we would run out into the storm to see who could withstand it the longest before running for shelter.
  78. During late night PBS fundraisers, I like to call the number so I can hear the phone ringing on the TV. I then laugh saying, "That's me." I hang up before anyone answers.
  79. A local radio station used to have a movie trivia question every day at lunch time. I would call right before they asked the question, so the phone would already be ringing when they finished. This ensured I would be the first caller. I won every day for over three weeks. Then they banned me from the contest.
  80. I have a pot in my kitchen that is only to be used for making tea. If anything else gets made in it, my tea doesn't taste right.
  81. I was state certified to sell real estate insurance, but never sold a single policy.
  82. My grandmother made the best grape jelly in the world. This is not up for discussion.
  83. When children shy away, I say, "I don't bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life's not easy.
  84. My father likes to fish because it is so relaxing. Yet, it was while doing this relaxing activity that he had a heart attack.
  85. Last year, I got out my coats for the winter. When I put one on for the first cold day, I found $500 cash in the pocket. I don't remember putting it in there and think I would remember misplacing 500 bucks.
  86. I had a Neopets account until a year ago.
  87. I have zero fashion sense. Ask anyone.
  88. I was incredibly shy and socially awkward until I was about 15 years old. Something changed almost overnight. I can't explain it.
  89. When I moved here, I was excited to get cable again after being without it for several years. I now have it and never watch it.
  90. I was once hired at minimum wage to train my boss who made over 5 times what I did. As soon as she felt she had learned enough, she fired me and hired her fiance. I don't use her for a reference.
  91. When I worked at the Sheriff's office, I took a 911 call from a woman who complained there were two dogs in the street having a "verbal argument." We didn't respond.
  92. I have had more trouble finding a job after I got my degree than I ever did before. Once I get my Master's, I may be forever unemployed.
  93. I once saw a wino eating grapes and I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."
  94. My dad used to set mousetraps and then call us into the room so he could throw them at our feet. I grew up and had great fun doing it to my kids. I now understand why he did it.
  95. BUD            WEIS           ERRR
  96. I miss the Budweiser frogs.
  97. I grew up in a town so small the post office and local bar were the same place. The next town over had a funeral home/hardware store.
  98. Everyone has little things that irritate them, but if I am eating with someone who bites down on their fork and then pulls it out through their teeth, I have to say something. That sound rapes my brain.
  99. In kindergarten, I had a girlfriend named Crista. She called me when we were in the 7th grade to break up so she could be another guy's girlfriend. I had no idea we had been a couple for the last seven years.
  100. When Aerosmith's song Dude Looks Like a Lady first started playing on the radio, I thought they were saying, "Do the Naked Lady." I figured it was some new dance move I wasn't cool enough to know about.
  101. My friends and I would place bets on who would win the Bud Bowl every year during the Super Bowl.
  102. I have spent over two weeks compiling this list.
  103. I love watermelon, but hate watermelon flavored anything. What moron decided that tastes like watermelon?
  104. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

76 comments:

  1. That is one hell of a list there fella. You had me laughing at a few of them. Cheers to the next 100 posts! *raising my work tea cup in respectful salutation

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I am posting more often now, so the next hundred should come much faster.

      Delete
  2. Wowsa!!

    I feel a little sad about #7 the live goldfish, or the one about eating a live octopus. WHY? Why you do these things man? Are you a shark?

    It's somewhat redeemed by the fact you wanted to call her Scout and that she came out looking like Scout, which I can kinda see.

    I have to tell you, wanting a fireman's pole to slide down is extremely phallic and homo-laden.

    My mom does the thing with the fork on the teeth. AWFUL.

    I love #90. It's not okay. Except it is :)

    And boy knowing your dad threw moustraps at you explains a lot of your humor :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Say what you will about the fireman's pole, it would be awesome.

      I just can't do the fork on the teeth. It grates on my nerves. I can feel my skull vibrate and my eyes start to boil. I can't take it.

      Delete
  3. 70 was great

    congrats on reaching the 100 mate, here's to the next entertaining 100.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, thank you. I will post a naked picture of myself at 1000.

      Delete
  4. This list made me laugh, cry, and void my bowels simultaneously. Touche.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You might want to get that looked at. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Delete
  5. To Kill a Mockingbird. Best story ever. I often suggest people solve moral dilemmas by asking themselves "What would Atticus do?" Congrats on 100 posts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that movie. I was doing some student teaching last week and it was shown in that class. It never gets old.

      Delete
  6. You never told me about #54! (It won't happen. Dad swims like a fish, but Mom would rather die than wear a swimsuit.)

    I've never had mono, but I'm a carrier for strep. (I get mild symptoms.)

    I put peanut butter and honey on my pancakes. ...we should do breakfast sometime!

    I am SO not doing a list of 100! Nicely done, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was going to tell you, but thought I would save it for the post. I wrote that before I talked to him on the phone.

      Thank you. I was fun, but took a while to hit 100.

      Delete
    2. It's right there. Just waiting to be lobbed out of the park. I REALLY wanna . . . but I'm just gonna leave that "breakfast" comment alone. But it's killing me over here. Just know that. ;)

      Delete
    3. Misty,
      We have since had breakfast together. I thought you should know.

      Don't read anything into that.

      BREAKFAST

      Delete
  7. Happy 100th! I really wanted to read them all but I only got to 17....I promise I will read the rest...I SWEAR :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I got bored writing them. I wouldn't blame you if you got bored reading them.

      Delete
  8. This list had me laughing, except when you said you ate a alive goldfish and a live octopus- those just had me staring at the screen in shock and awe (and a little bit of horror).

    Can't wait for the next 100!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've eaten some pretty strange foods. The octopus was being served in someone home one night. The goldfish was done on a dare.

      Delete
  9. You do this so well, i expected that you had passed the 100 mark long ago. Well done!

    I share 11 of the things from the list with you. It would have been 12 except that i think it was Superman i saw at the drive-in, not Star Wars. My mom took me and we had the speaker thing on the window. You brought back a memory of mine.

    I'm approaching 100 as well in the upcoming weeks, don't expect anything as grand as this! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I started blogging about 18 months ago and only did 2 or 3 per month. About 3 months ago, I started posting more often. So, the number jumped much faster.

      Delete
  10. I want to send you a present but don't having anything right now to send. Maybe I'll send you a belated one. Fun reading this... can we hear about more dreams?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you and I would love something from your part of the world. That would be great. Most of my dreams are nonsense. I don't even know what that whole one was about, but I remember that little section.

      Delete
  11. You miss the budweiser frogs? I miss the chihuahua from taco bell! (out of that fountain of information you wrote, that's what I latch onto. That and wondering if a fireman's pole is really interchangable for a stripper pole...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do. The Taco Bell Chihuahua was cool too.

      I guess the fireman's pole could be used for a stripper pole, but it still has to go from one floor to the other.

      Delete
  12. Why...? What...? When...? Wha...? how...? Dammit! I think my head's about to implode. There are so many questions I want to ask pertaining to that list but if I do, it'll be longer than you're entire post!!

    Loved this! And congratulations on reaching your 100th post. I look forward to many many more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It has been a lot of fun getting here. And ask away. Maybe those questions will morph into future posts.

      Delete
  13. I loved all of them! Oh, except the part where you wrote that you liked peanut butter and Nutella on your waffles. I get so jealous when people speak of their love for Nutella. I can't try it because I am allergic to one of the ingredients.
    So, was Adam West nice?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're missing out. I discovered Nutella when I lived in Puerto Rico. They put it on everything.

      Adam West was nice when he was sober. He was super nice when he got drunk. I spent three days with him and he was drunk for half of it.

      Delete
  14. Speechless.
    My 100th passed by without me even realizing it. Now you've got me thinking I need to do something monumental like this for my next milestone.
    I once had dinner with Fabian. Adam West is far cooler.

    Congrats and holding you to that 1000th post promise. I'll be there for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was Fabian still teen swoon worthy?

      I was on someone's blog that had just hit 100 and they were making a big deal about it, so I checked. I was at 88, so I thought I better think of something.

      Delete
    2. It was 1985 and he was 20 years older than me, doing the "Oldies" concert circuit. I guess the short answer is 'meh'!

      Delete
  15. Holy COW! I am pretty sure that there are not 100 strange things to say about me. Well there probably are, but they aren't PG. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow!!! I don't think that I could come up with even 25 things. Nice - I totally agree about the mayo and cheese thing, opposite sides...opposite sides.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You could do it. It just takes a while. I really did spend two weeks compiling this. The first 30 came easy, then I had to think.

      The mayo and cheese thing. It's always been that way. I have no idea why. It is just disgusting.

      Delete
  17. I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds Aziz Ansari to be the equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. Also, I don't know if it's just those insane bags under his eyes, but I always thought he was older than me. I cannot believe that I'm older than him.

    My favorite stooge was always Shemp. Yeah, that's right, I said it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really like Shemp, but Curly beats him. For a while they tries out Joe. He sucked, but Curly beats them all.

      I don't know what it is about Aziz. I hate him so much, but can't stop watching him.

      Delete
    2. For a minute there, Beer, I was gonna become a follower...Then you went and did it. Shemp couldn't hold Curley's nyuk...

      Delete
  18. I love reading your blog. I read this on my cell, at work, hiding it in a drawer every time someone came in the office. My phone does this thing where it switches to the next blog entry, like a page turn, while scrolling. (stupid smart phone.) So it took forever, but I kept coming back! I tried to blog once, and found that I am not interesting enough. I even bored myself. Yours is great, though. Congrats on #100!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Kristy. I enjoy writing them. I love running into people who mention they read my last post. It's a big ego boost.

      And I will find that monkey shoulder.

      Delete
  19. Wow, that is a twisted list, and I'm not talking about the tens.

    I laughed all the way through.

    WG
    http://itsmynd.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It was fun to put together.

      Delete
  20. Congrats!

    Superb list. I can't contest #79--my grandmother didn't make jelly. She did let us microwave various food items, just to see what would happen.

    I'm kinda jealous of #32. I'm just as dorky on the internet as I am in real life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I was fun to write, but hard to come up with 100 things.

      Delete
  21. wow - impressive list! I doubt I could come up with even half that many!

    ReplyDelete
  22. This has to be one of the most interesting "about me" lists I've ever read on a blog, Brett! What an interesting guy you are and what a lot of interesting and unusual experiences you've had.

    There were so many of these that I liked but the item I can relate to most is probably #26: "Sometimes I wish I was an anonymous blogger. I have many stories I would like to tell, but can't because people that know me read my blog." Oh boy, Brett, what a field day I'd have! LOL

    Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      I glad you understand. I have SOOOO many stories that will never see the light of day because I didn't think of this before I started writing.

      Delete
  23. This is quite an impressive list. And happy 100th. Mine passed with not much fanfare, but that's ok. You have led quite the interesting life, haven't you?

    Also . . . I really wish the 10s were true. Shame.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The 10's would make for an even more interesting life.

      Delete
  24. Huh, I never thought to do a 100th post, good idea!

    I thoroughly enjoyed this list, and I am so, so glad you explained what you meant by switch hitter, because for a split second, I was like, 'I wonder if Red already knows that?'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HA! That's funny. I just meant in the baseball sense.

      Delete
  25. Best list EVER in the history of mankind. I will have to try the mousetraps on my son. I will love it.

    Congrats on the 100th post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It's a great family tradition to pass on to the next generation.

      Delete
  26. I've got you beat... I couldn't even tell you which one is Disneyworld vs. Disneyland... =) Well... without googling it anyway.

    Andi-Roo /// @theworld4realz
    http://www.theworld4realz.com/
    theworldforrealz@gmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not SURE which is which. I think Disneyland is in CA and Disney World is in FL, but I never made it to either, so I don't care. Someday.

      Delete
  27. I now know you better than most of my family and friends :-) Great post man! Is #46 true? Sounds hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. #46 IS true. I did that twice that weekend.

      Delete
  28. I was in the Teamsters union for two years against my will.

    Sorry, I just don't follow. Did someone put a gun to your head or hold your family hostage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. Nothing that serious. I landed a job which required membership. I paid over $30 a month for dues, only made a quarter over minimum wage and after 2 years they renegotiated out contracts to get us a nickel raise. What were the dues for? I quit the job after that.

      Delete
  29. Congrats on your limestone, um I mean milestone, Brett.

    Did your neo acct get frozen or did you give it up? I'm sure anyone who's ever been frozen wouldn't admit to it, hehe. I still play around there. Too addicted to video games, I am.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There were 5 or 6 games on there that I really liked and I would play several of the other to get my balance up higher and higher. I finally decided I was wasting too much time on there and shut down my account.

      Delete
  30. Very impressive list. No way I could come up with 10 that would be as interesting as your 100 (90). Great job.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I enjoyed making the list.

      Delete
  31. Ok, you DID NOT eat a live octopus!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did. I lived in Puerto Rico and was at someone's house who served it in a large bowl. It was rather large. You would grab a tentacle and bite through the end. After a few bites, it started cutting off the portion I wanted.

      Delete
  32. 1: You say you're not nearly as cool in this in real life, but if half those things you say are true I'd find that hard to believe!

    2: I thought that Aerosmith lyric said "Do the funky lady" Same deal, I thought it was some kind of dance move.

    3: I laughed when you said you put peanut butter and nutella on waffles because for a few days I've been having a blogging war with Rusty over which of of those is better. It's getting pretty heated.

    http://michaeldagostino.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/so-its-war-you-want.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I caught one of those posts. I love them both, so there's no debate with me. Rusty likes Vegemite, but that's to be expected from an Aussie.

      Delete
    2. I think we just eat vegemite because we feel we have to. You know, national icon and all...

      Delete
    3. Probably the same reason us Americans feel that we have to eat turkey at Thanksgiving. It's just the way it's supposed to be.

      Delete
    4. Yeah but Turkey actually tastes good. Eating Vegemite is like drinking straight whiskey for the first time as a teenager - unenjoyable, but you keep going because everyone else is doing it.

      Delete
  33. Congrats on #100. A live octopus- really. Not sure I could do that. I invite you to come link this up on my Saturday funny bloghop which I do every weekend:) Cheers:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought the guy who told me to do it was messing with me until he did it. Then I followed along.

      Delete

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