100th Post - Send Me a Present

This post marks a milestone in my blogging career. Can you call it a career if it doesn't make any money? This is my 100th post. To celebrate, I am posting 100 things about myself that I have never mentioned in my blog before.

1. First thing about myself: In this list of 100 things, every 10th one is a joke (#10, #20, #30, etc.). As in, not true. The rest are true. I had to do this because I could only think of 90 things. You try thinking of 100 new things. It's not easy.
2. I still don't have a smartphone My phone makes phone calls and texts. That's it.
3. I don't trust our government. I am sure there are some good people in politics, but they are overpowered by an evil system.
4. The stories I write in my blog are true. Even the crazy ones.
5. I played the saxophone in high school and placed first in the state.
6. I once played poker with Clint Black.
7. I have swallowed a live goldfish.
8. I like cheese and mayonnaise, but the idea of them touching each other disgusts me. If a sandwich contains both, they must be on opposite sides of the sandwich.
9. My mother tells me that as a child, I called fish zeeps. No one knows why. 
10. I never say I'm sorry because I don't like to lie.
11. When I finally get my teaching degree, I plan to teach high school math on a military base.
12. I once bought a JEEP on eBay and flew to New Jersey to drive it home. I loved that JEEP and I miss it.
13. I know it is a simple dish, but one of my favorite foods is beef & noodles. Love them.



He's even annoying to look at.

14. I find Aziz Ansari extremely irritating. I cringe every time he speaks, but I still think he's funny. It must be a self hate thing.
15. Italian food or not, I am not a fan of Parmesan cheese.
16. I was VP of a motorcycle club and rode a Harley, but never had a motorcycle license.
17. I don't like to use public restrooms. I will almost injure myself to make it home rather than use one.
18. I ate an octopus while it was still alive.
19. Despite my uber-nerd status in high school, I still dated a cheerleader.
20. I wrote a book called How to Pick up Girls.   Page 1 says: "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of people shrugging. 
21. I love math. I got a 107 average in Trigonometry, but I have failed Accounting three times.
22. I chose the name Scout for my future daughter after watching To Kill a Mockingbird in a 7th grade class. Over 10 years later, when she was born, my wife wouldn't go for it and we named her Kirsten. When Kirsten was in the 7th grade they watch the same movie and her classmates said, "Wow! That girl, Scout, looks just like you."
23. I want to learn to play the piano. Not for fame or fortune. Just to be the guy at parties that everyone is standing around and singing.
24. If I won the lottery, I would spend some of the money traveling around the world meeting all my blogging friends.
25. I don't play the lottery.
26. Sometimes I wish I was an anonymous blogger. I have many stories I would like to tell, but can't because people that know me read my blog.
27. I will eat anything. ANYTHING. Well, stuff that's already considered food.
28. My brother Kyle once pushed me off the top of a bridge over some railroad tracks. (Over 30 foot drop)
29. I got mugged in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
30. Before I die, I want to travel to China to get a tattoo of an English word on my arm.
31. I called a U.S. Senator a liar while standing in his office in Washington D.C. That was the end of our meeting.
32. I am nowhere near as cool in real life as I am on the internet.
33. I can juggle.



"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject."
Winston Churchill

34. I am related to Winston Churchill.
35. I got mono in high school from a girl that turned out to be a carrier, but never got sick. I was the second of three guys she gave it to over the course of two years.
36. I have spent the night in a hospital one time. I was 2 years old and had pneumonia.
37. The first time I played golf, I landed on the green with my first stroke on a par 3.
38. As a teenager, I made my little brother Trevor ride home in the trunk after jumping in a pool because I didn't want him to get my seats wet.
39. I saw the original Star Wars at a drive in.
40. I think feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.
41. I signed up for the military, but they rejected me.
42. One Thanksgiving, I ate the dog scraps that had been scraped off everyone's plates thinking it was a plate prepared for me.
43. I do not enjoy fishing. It bores me.
44. My kids never believed in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
45. For a short time in my childhood, we had pigs in the basement.
46. I once drug Adam West out of a bar and put him in bed.
47. When I was a kid, we were not allowed to watch Three's Company for obvious reasons, but we watched Benny Hill with our parents every week.
48. My middle name is Marshall. - Brett Marshall Minor
49. My daughter's middle name is Marschel, a variation of my middle name.
50. Sometimes I tell jokes so bad, the crickets don't even chirp.

51. 

    NYUK   NYUK  NYUK!

    My favorite Stooge is Curly.
52. I went to the same school for Kindergarten through high school.
53. No matter how old I get, I want a house with a fireman's pole to slide down.
54. I had a dream that I met Red's parents. We were in someone's back yard and her parents were swimming in a pool. Her dad wouldn't talk to me.
55. I was in the Teamsters union for two years against my will.
56. One of my eyes is near-sighted and the other is far-sighted.
57. Despite having very little athletic abilities, I can switch hit (bat both right or left handed).
58. Every year, a few days  after Halloween, I gather a few of the neighborhood children to help me collect the pumpkins on people's porches. We then drive out to the country to throw them off bridges and watch them get smashed. (We don't throw them onto roads. We find a country bridge high enough that they will break when hitting the ground.)
59. I once got blisters on my lips from eating a Szechuan pepper. I didn't know what it was.
60. I hate racist jokes. I think they're off-color.
61. It is difficult to come up with 100 new things.
62. I am in the process of growing out my hair. I am told by someone daily that I need a haircut.
63. I hate when someone interrupts me. I usually respond by starting over when it is my turn to speak again.
64. I have never been to Disneyland or Disney World.
65. I am currently in graduate school and have a 4.0 average. YAY!!!
66. I put peanut butter and Nutella on my waffles.
67. I was once on TV with President Jimmy Carter. They were actually filming him. I had no idea he was there.
68. I have the power to infuriate anyone within 3 minutes of meeting me.
69. The best part of a loaf of bread is the heel.
70. I spent six months trying to figure out how to grow marijuana in Farmville and sell it in Mafia Wars.
71. It is almost impossible to embarrass me. My mother says it is because I have no shame.



EMO PHILIPS

72. I love the stand up comedy of Emo Philips. "At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote." - Emo Philips
73. My brother Kyle and I once stripped our youngest brother Trevor naked and tied him to a tree in the front yard. Not a single passing car stopped to help him.
74. When my son Christian was 7 years old, during hailstorms we would run out into the storm to see who could withstand it the longest before running for shelter.
75. During late night PBS fundraisers, I like to call the number so I can hear the phone ringing on the TV. I then laugh saying, "That's me." I hang up before anyone answers.
76. A local radio station used to have a movie trivia question every day at lunch time. I would call right before they asked the question, so the phone would already be ringing when they finished. This ensured I would be the first caller. I won every day for over three weeks. Then they banned me from the contest.
77. I have a pot in my kitchen that is only to be used for making tea. If anything else gets made in it, my tea doesn't taste right.
78. I was state certified to sell real estate insurance, but never sold a single policy.
79. My grandmother made the best grape jelly in the world. This is not up for discussion.
80. When children shy away, I say, "I don't bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life's not easy.
81. My father likes to fish because it is so relaxing. Yet, it was while doing this relaxing activity that he had a heart attack.
82. Last year, I got out my coats for the winter. When I put one on for the first cold day, I found $500 cash in the pocket. I don't remember putting it in there and think I would remember misplacing 500 bucks.
83. I had a Neopets account until a year ago.
84. I have zero fashion sense. Ask anyone.
85. I was incredibly shy and socially awkward until I was about 15 years old. Something changed almost overnight. I can't explain it.
86. When I moved here, I was excited to get cable again after being without it for several years. I now have it and never watch it.
87. I was once hired at minimum wage to train my boss who made over 5 times what I did. As soon as she felt she had learned enough, she fired me and hired her fiance. I don't use her for a reference.
88. When I worked at the Sheriff's office, I took a 911 call from a woman who complained there were two dogs in the street having a "verbal argument." We didn't respond.
89. I have had more trouble finding a job after I got my degree than I ever did before. Once I get my Master's, I may be forever unemployed.
90. I once saw a wino eating grapes and I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."
91. My dad used to set mousetraps and then call us into the room so he could throw them at our feet. I grew up and had great fun doing it to my kids. I now understand why he did it.



BUD            WEIS           ERRR

92. I miss the Budweiser frogs.
93. I grew up in a town so small the post office and local bar were the same place. The next town over had a funeral home/hardware store.
94. Everyone has little things that irritate them, but if I am eating with someone who bites down on their fork and then pulls it out through their teeth, I have to say something. That sound rapes my brain.
95. In kindergarten, I had a girlfriend named Crista. She called me when we were in the 7th grade to break up so she could be another guy's girlfriend. I had no idea we had been a couple for the last seven years.
96. When Aerosmith's song Dude Looks Like a Lady first started playing on the radio, I thought they were saying, "Do the Naked Lady." I figured it was some new dance move I wasn't cool enough to know about.
97. My friends and I would place bets on who would win the Bud Bowl every year during the Super Bowl.
98. I have spent over two weeks compiling this list.
99. I love watermelon, but hate watermelon flavored anything. What moron decided that tastes like watermelon?
100. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.