Thursday, April 26, 2012

Awards Fairy Detox

I got a surprise this morning after answering my front door. When I saw who was on the other side, I immediately slammed it shut again.  The last time I saw this guy, he was dragged off my property by the police. I haven't heard from him since. It was the Awards Fairy.

Since it was a nice day, I had my windows open and he just walked to one of those windows and pleaded with me to put down my phone and listen. He said that after he spent the night in jail, he was sent to rehab. He claimed he was clean now and had to return to my house to make amends as part of his recovery program.

Wanting to be supportive, but still not entirely trusting this fairy who had run up my cell phone bill, ate my pizza lunch, urinated on my couch and holed up in my home for several days, I stepped outside. Before stepping out, I grabbed the restraining order I had against him to remind him why he couldn't stay after he made his peace with me.

He did apologize for his past behavior. He then said before he went any further, he had something for me. He pulled an envelope out of his back pocket and handed it to me.

The front of the envelope said it was from Rusty at Swinging Like a Rusty Gate and it was dated March 15. I pointed out that this was from 6 weeks ago. Why am I just getting it now? He reminded me that he had been in jail and rehab for the last couple of months because I kept having him arrested. I had to agree that he had a point.

I opened the envelope to see what Rusty had sent me. It was the Kreative Blogger award.

Thank you, Rusty for this award. I am sorry it took so long for me to respond, but I guess it couldn't be helped since the fairy had it the entire time.

The award rules are pretty simple. Award recipients are to list 10 random things about themselves and then pass it on to other deserving bloggers. The number of bloggers to pass it on to is not listed.

10 random facts about me:
  1. When my son Christian was 6 years old and had lost his third pair of shoes in one week, I grounded him from shoes for a month. He had to go everywhere barefoot (church, grocery store, etc.) Restaurants won't allow people without shoes to come in, so he had to eat outside while we finished our meal inside. He never lost another pair of shoes.
  2. We had a baby deer for a pet named Bird. He was named after the first word spoken by the deer in Bambi. Our dogs didn't like to play with him, because he would butt them in the head.
  3. I am close to hotting the "100 blog posts" mark. I have something special planned for number 100.
  4. I WANNA ROCK!!!
  5. In junior high, I founded a Twisted Sister fan club.
  6. I do not own a bed.
  7. I can't throw away bubble wrap until I know that every bubble has been popped.
  8. The most money I have ever made in my life was as a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman.
  9. When I was still a white belt in Tae Kwon Do, I defeated a guy who was a brown belt in judo and black belt in karate during a sparring match. I enjoyed my victory from the couch for the next week since he injured me badly enough I couldn't walk. I still won.
  10. I still own over 300 cassette tapes. Mostly music from the 80's (when I was in high school). I haven't owned a cassette player for several years, but can't bring myself to get rid of them.
  11. When my daughter was being potty trained, she started potty training her Barbies. When they made a mess, she would punish them by throwing them in the freezer. We still don't know why.
Bloggers I want to pass this on to:
  • Super Earthling - I only discovered this blog about a month ago and spent the next few weeks digging through her archives to read it all. You never know which of the author's multiple personalities (each with her own name) will be writing that day, but it is always worth it.
  • PishPosh
    Click picture to learn more.
    Pish-Posh - I have been reading Pish for a long time and have been a fan since the first time I found her. She writes on a variety of topics from very serious and touching to the bizarre (ex. drunk zombies trying to ride bikes). She recently started the Pish Posh Get Fit! Challenge and several people have linked up with her to try to improve their lives.
  • The Incoherent Ramblings of a Moose - Lily writes about various topics, but my favorites are when she talks about her heathen son that she refers to as Spawn. If Lily's predictions are correct, one day Spawn will rule the world and it will not be pleasant.
After taking care of the requirements of the award, I thanked the fairy and wished him well. I even shook his hand and told him that I was glad he got the help he needed. As he turned to leave, a truck pulled up and the driver said, "Let's go." The truck bed was loaded down with a TV, some furniture and assorted other things. The fairy jumped in and they sped off.

I returned to my house and immediately noticed that my living room was empty and the back door was open. He had gotten me again while he kept me busy in the front yard. I didn't even think to get the license plate number.

45 comments:

  1. Did you watch Dee's reality show? The Hubs & I loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I heard about it, but never saw it.

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    2. I loved Dee's reality show, you need to check it out!!

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    3. I'll have to find it. You guys have me curious.

      Delete
  2. Wait wait wait...you don't own a bed? I have to hear the story behind this.

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    1. I had a bad bicycle accident when I was 12. This is a stunt gone wrong that I have not written about yet. It did some damage that I am still dealing with 30 years later. I have had a bad back ever since then. About the time I hit 20, my back was killing me all the time. I discovered that when I slept on the floor, it wasn't as bad.

      So, I started making a pallet on the floor each night. I still had back issues, but they weren't as bad. At 34, a physical therapist discovered that my SI joint in my hip was out of place. He fixed it and the pain just went away. However, I had been sleeping on the floor for over 10 years and just never went to get another bed.

      Delete
  3. Well, I'm so sorry to tell you that I threw out some bubble wrap last night while I was packing. It was in my box of "packing padding materials" and when I picked it up to use it - it was in a kind of bag-shape - it was full of sand.

    So sorry.

    In conjunction with ABFTS' comment, I would like to add that MAYBE if you were sleeping on a proper bed, you wouldn't keep re-injuring your arm. Just a thought. :)

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    1. I am okay with knowing that there is unpopped bubble wrap in existence. I just have to pop it if it is in my house. I don't even want to pop it. I just HAVE to.

      I discovered when I stayed at my parents' house while they were traveling, that I can sleep in a bed now without any problems. I just haven't gone to get one. I don't know if that affects my arm or not, but it's worth looking into.

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  4. Tough love on the shoes! I'm glad it worked!

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    1. It was summertime, so he didn't have to go to school like that and the weather was nice. He was just embarrassed sometimes. Especially at church.

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  5. Congradulations on the award. It's very much deserved. Plus excellent choices on passsing it on. I've been following 2 of them and think they are quite deserving as well. I will certainly be stopping by the 3rd to check them out as well.

    As founder of the Twisted Sister fan club, were you rocking the Dee Snyder hair?

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    Replies
    1. No, I didn't have the hair. I just thought they were really cool. I can't stand them today, so I don't know what the allure was.

      Delete
  6. Congrats on the newest award! You really deserve it.

    Sorry the fairy got you again though. It seems like he's getting much sneakier.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah. Apparently, sober he is a bit smarter.

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  7. I can't believe (wait... this is Brett... yes I can) that you made your son go without shoes in public! Poor little guy - but it sure is funny to read now. And,anyway, obviously a successful lesson!

    Congratulations on the award :-)

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    Replies
    1. He had a habit of going outside to play and would soon take his shoes off, but couldn't remember where. He lost a lot of shoes, but that week was particularly bad. We had tried everything, so finally I just took them all away.

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  8. Congratulations on your award, Brett--it's well deserved. You have such an interesting blog! :D

    And I'm truly honored that you would pass the award on to me. You've really made me (as well as all my other personalities) smile! Thanks! :D

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    Replies
    1. You are very welcome. I love your blog and was happy to pass it to you.

      Delete
  9. I'm intrigued by the no-bed thing. More please.

    I too put my potty-training kids in the freezer. Totally works. Your daughter is a genius.

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    Replies
    1. Check the comment under No Beer for the Shower comment. I briefly told the story there. It started out as a necessity, but became a habit.

      I wonder if she would have learned faster if I put her in the freezer.

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  10. God you are so funny!! You always get me in the gut. I was laughing through this and then saw your gift to me. Double whammy smile time. It's like 2 for one at happy hour :) thanks friend!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you and you are very welcome. It is well deserved.

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  11. Reminds me of a joke...

    This man gets a parrot, but it won't stop swearing.
    "Fuck fuck cunt shit bollocks all day long".
    He tries everything to get it to stop, doesn't feed it, leaves it in it's cage, shuts it outside..nothing works.
    He gets so fed up he puts it in the fridge for half an hour gets it out...
    "Fuck fuck cunt shit bollocks".
    In desperation he put it in the freezer.
    At first there is a lot of flapping, squawking and swearing but then it suddenly goes quiet. Worried, he gets it out.
    The bird jumps on his shoulder shivering and is suddenly all sweetness and light and apologises for all the swearing.
    After five minutes or so it leans in to his ear...
    "Mate I gotta ask, I know I was out of order to keep swearing like that but what the fuck did the chicken do ?"

    Congrats on getting yet another dose of blog herpes :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I enjoy handing them back out.

      Delete
  12. That damn fairy really loves you!

    Congrats, and sorry to hear about the no-bed thing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, but the no-bed thing is by choice. I've done it for so long, my daughter doesn't like having one either. She claims it takes up too much space in her room.

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    2. ...but how can you store things under the bed with no bed?

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  13. Wow. You live like this monastic monk existence. How very minimalist of you.

    Congrats on yet another visit from the fairy. Sorry about your stuff. At least you didn't have a bed to steal!

    Oh, and you might wanna invest in a bed. Just in case a certain relationship progresses to another level. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not really monk-like. I enjoy my electronics too much. I just really got used to not having a bed. Any time I tell someone this, it creates a lot of discussion.

      Delete
  14. There's no better way to be late on an award. Better late than never, for sure. I always kept from sparring people just because their definition and mine were very different.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you.

      This sparring was meant to be full contact. Most the time, the injuries were mild, but he really got me that time.

      Delete
  15. If you get another bird, name it after the dead mom. Dead Mom makes for a great pet name. Disney love's dead moms. I need to write that one more time. Dead mom.

    I love Super Earthling. She is a total sweetheart with oodles of talent.

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    1. Bambi lost his mother, Simba lost his father, Andy in Toy Story doesn't seem to have a father, Aladdin is an orphan and Princess Jasmine's mother is never mentioned. Tarzan, Mowgli and Cinderella were all orphans as well. It does appear to be a Disney theme.

      Delete
  16. Damn that fairy, should have used a contract carrier.

    I was wondering if you were getting too big for your boots to ignore the small award I bestowed onto you :p

    Don't worry, you still deserve it mate

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    Replies
    1. I decided to sit on it for a while. The day you gave it to me, I had just done two award posts that week. So I stuck in in a folder for later use. Thank you for the award. I do appreciate it.

      I have to figure out what to do with the awards fairy if he is sent my way again.

      Delete
  17. congrats for award
    beautifully answered

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  18. Great post. I, too, am a complete fanatic when it comes to bubble wrap. I could probably write a whole post about it.

    I recently found out that Microsoft makes this cool thing, sort of like a coffee table, and it is interactive. One of the apps is bubble wrap paper!!! You just sit there and press the "bubbles" and they make that pop/ deflate noise, and then the ones on the screen are withered. The table can also do puzzles, piano, a shallow pond, etc. It is the coolest thing ever (it is called "Surface" if you happen to have $2000 laying around that you don't know what to do with). I guess they would be really cool for a restaurant in their waiting area or a doctor's office.

    Anyway, fun post! will be back to read more!

    best,
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would love to have that table. I would never buy, but would love to have it.

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  19. And this post, is exactly why you deserve the award. You are clever, articulate and bloody funny, sometimes with the most poignant of moments thrown in.

    So believe me when I say that I feel doubly humbled, that you should pass this award on to me.
    Thank you so much Brett. Once again, you've made my day. :)

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    Replies
    1. I am pleased that you like it so much. I love reading your blog. I want to take your evil son out for ice cream one day and we can throw things at passing cars.

      Delete

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