Friday, April 12, 2013

"K" is for Kick the Bucket

I am over 40 years old and believe it is probably pretty safe to say that I have lived at least half of my life already.  As much as many people don't like to talk about this subject, it is still a reality. We will all die someday.

I am one of the lucky few who even knows how he is going to die. I have told people this for years and I know that I am correct. When my time comes, it will be one of two different ways. I will either be killed because…
  1. A tree fell on me

  2. OR

  3. Something else happened
I guarantee I am right about this. However, it doesn't matter which of those two methods is the cause, there will be preparations that need to be made. What songs will be played at my funeral? Who will preach the eulogy? What kind of animal will pull the carriage hearse through town? I vote for an army of Emperor Penguins.

All of these things can be decided later, but I need to start thinking about one of them now. What do I want my head stone to say? All the decisions about the funeral only affect one particular day, but the words on the headstone will be there for people to see for decades or longer. The choice of words is very important.



Of course, there will be the usual name and dates, but what else should be there. I have taken the liberty of jotting down a few of my ideas.

  • I should have forwarded that email.

  • My mom would be proud to know that I had on clean underwear.

  • Could you take a step to the left? You're blocking my sun.

  • I see dead people.

  • At this point, if the zombie apocalypse happens, I'm not too worried about it.

  • Could someone go check my house? I think I left the stove on.

  • Step on my nuts again and I'll haunt you.

  • I can see up your skirt.

  • You know that light at the end of the tunnel? It's like a refrigerator light. As soon as the door shut behind me, it went out.

  • Could someone update my Facebook page?



Happily participating in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge. For the entire month of April, 1,873 bloggers are working their way through the alphabet. One letter every day but Sundays for a total of 26 days.

Click here to visit the website and get more information to see if you might want to join in next year. It's a lot of fun, introduces you to hundreds of new blogs and gives your writing some fantastic exposure.

50 comments:

  1. I see dead people on a headstone is brilliant. I suggest having it prepared before hand though - otherwise you'll likely end up with the more usual loving husband of and loving father of line.

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    1. I will take care of it well in advance.

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  2. What a great post! I do actually worry about that dreaded day...and I'm only 36! I must start looking at it with a bit of humour, like you. :D

    I haven't done my K post yet today... Still deciding on what to write about! :)

    LTWilton’s Blog

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    1. I'm not very worried about dying. I have written before about my fear of getting old. That terrifies me.

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  3. Great post! Love the clean underwear line and the Facebook line. :)

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  4. Only 40 eh? Lucky fellow. I have three children older than you. I try not to let my advancing years worry me too much. My funeral's paid for - there will be no headstone, just a heap of ash the kids will probably dig into the garden like they did with their father's.
    thanks for visiting my blog - good luck witht he rest of the challenge.

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    1. I would like to get it all taken care of ahead of time so no one else has to worry about it.

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  5. Great post! Very inventive! Made me chuckle. I think I like the V-8 line the best. :D Thanks for visiting my blog. Happy Friday!

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    1. Thank you. I was going to do a graphic for each one with them all engraved, but that turned out to be too time consuming.

      Delete
  6. Such a baby yet!! This post gave me a good laugh. Btw, that was nice of you to sort your mom's yarn for her. Yes, this is that Chris, from Hooker With Yarn. THanks so much for stopping by, and keep on keepin' on until you kick the bucket!! LOL

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    1. You are quite welcome. I'm happy you enjoyed it.

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  7. Funny stuff! Good post today =)

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  8. It's true none of us will get out of here alive! :) Looking at it with a sense of humor is the only way to go.

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    1. "On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero." -Chuck Palahniuk

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  9. A tree fell on me OR Something else happened! That's exactly the way I'm going too. How strange.

    You are just a baby. I'll be 62 this September and I feel like a teenager. So there.

    Have a terrific day. ☺

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    1. That's awesome. Do you often get accused of not acting your age. That happens to me a lot. It makes me laugh.

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  10. Stupid Facebook sucks when you die. Someone always thinks it is a great idea to update your friends, then you see a post from a dead person and it is freaky! Love this post

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    1. I agree. I saw an app for Facebook to give your friends list a final message after you are gone. You make up whatever you want (text, video, whatever) and when your three pre-appointed friends log on to confirm your death it is published.

      Delete
  11. I actually loved this post and the idea ;)

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  12. I have one more year before I'm officially half way there. Love your 'here's how I'm going to die. LOL Priceless.

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    1. I've known how for several years. I think I dreamed it.

      As for the second half of life, I think I am having more fun than in the first.

      Delete
  13. I have no intentions of dying. I plan to live forever as a cyborg or upload my brain into a computer.

    But if I die, I want to have a Japanese band sing Journey at the funeral. (And for those who wonder why, it's so everyone attending can hear the lyrics "DON'T STOP BEREAVING").

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  14. I almost peed myself at "Could you take a step to the left? You're blocking my sun". And Spawn almost choked on his crisps at, "I see dead people". :)

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    1. I made Spawn laugh? YES!!! Please let him know that I am more than willing to be part of his court when he finally takes over the world. I will be his personal entertainer.

      I can cheer him up if he doesn't take over a country as fast as he intended or distract him with a joke when some underling questions his authority.

      Delete
  15. Hmm..all good choices but I do like the one about blocking the sun. Wonder what I should have on mine? Something like, there's a 'dandylion root up my nose' perhaps.

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    1. That would work. A little humor always helps in a cemetery.

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  16. Those are some good ones. I particularly like the last one considering the obsession today's society has with facebook. Similarly you could go with "I hope that last tweet went through"
    Elliot
    We Are Adventure

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  17. I love that you know how you're going die and that you can make fun of Death. I personally hope when he comes he's a bit like Terry Pratchett's Death. I might be comforted. A little.

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    1. It would be great to have it be a humorous experience.

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  18. "I can see up your skirt" gets my vote. Of course, since I'm having myself cremated, I will probably have them sprinkle my ashes on your gravesite, so you won't be interested in any other skirts!

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    1. Sounds good. Dirt/ash covering to get in my eyes and block my view.

      Delete
  19. I love all of the above! I like you sense of humour :)

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  20. A wife in Boston had engraved on her tombstone: I told you I was sick!

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  21. I remembering, after turning 45, I commented, "Whew, it's tough becoming middle-aged."
    One of the guys who worked for me answered without missing a beat, "MIDDLE age? Talk about being optimistic."
    I shitcanned him the next day.

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    1. A few months ago, I said I was over half through with my life and someone else took offense because they are the same age.

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  22. Hi Brett,

    I actually took a photo in Key West of a headstone that reads, "I told you I was sick." I see another commenter mentioned one in Boston that read the same. Funny!

    Another one in Key West proclaimed something like, Here lies the world's greatest Julio Iglesias fan!

    Anyway, I attended a funeral last month and the deceased had planned the whole even in advance - except she loved champagne, and they wouldn't let us drink any at the wake. So that has gotten me thinking of the type of post-life party I would like to plan for my own eventual demise.

    I want there to be champagne!

    ~Tui, from #AtoZchallenge

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    1. I guess the deceased missed the part of the planning to ensure it was at a venue where the champagne could be drank. I assume everyone indulged afterward.

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  23. I think mine will say something like "Oh, well, that backfired".

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  24. Great post. Love the zombie apocalypse one. :)

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    1. Thank you. I have always thought I would be one of the first to die if it ever happened anyway.

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  25. You make a good point. As writers, we should probably write our own sayings on our headstones. That will be our very last chance for new, creative material. Shoot, now I'm going to obsess over this. The problem is, I have no idea when my deadline will be. Ooh, that's a pun, too! (and you can see why I don't do puns :)

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    1. HA! I didn't even catch that until you pointed out the pun.

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