Well, not really celebrated. I contracted food poisoning two days before and spent the next three days doubled over in pain. Most of that time spent on the toilet. It was magical.
I've been suffering with food poisoning for the last 3 days and developed a bit of a toxic relationship with my toilet. So glad it's over. It got much more out of this than I did. I gave and gave and never got anything back.— Minor Character (@brettminor) May 5, 2019
So, I guess I can honestly say, we survived our fifth wedding anniversary.
I really wasn't sure I was going to make it.
The fifth anniversary is the 'wood' anniversary and I had so many good jokes saved up about giving her some wood for our anniversary, but the sickness killed it. There's always next year. Although, year six is the iron anniversary. The jokes won't come as easily. Especially since I am slightly anemic.
It has been a great five years. And I have no trouble admitting that I am the reason for that. It has been great because I made sure of it. Here are some of the things I do only because I am married to this wonderful woman.
- I put my dirty clothes in a clothes hamper. Instead of tossing my smelly unmentionables in the corner (which is more than capable of holding them), I place them in a receptacle that was apparently designed specifically to house them. This is a new practice for me and I don't completely understand the dynamics of how it functions differently than my method, but I do it because it makes her happy.
- I make the bed. I have always been of the opinion that making the bed is the physical manifestation of a non sequitur. The logic just doesn't follow. However, I have been informed that it protects the bed from dust and a negative state of mind. Two things I had never been concerned about before, but I have learned to avoid the latter when possible.
- I use a bath mat. I had never owned one of these before. I thought they were for people with sensitive feet who were afraid to touch cold tile after stepping out of the shower. So, even when one was purchased for me, I stepped over it to avoid dampening its fluffy surface. Now, I know it is to catch the drips. Even though I always thought the drips didn't matter in a tiled room. After all, that's why we don't carpet bathrooms (except gross people).
- I eat a vegetable at least once a week. I only do this one if she is looking. Not going to waste that one.
- I don't flirt with other women. Why would I? The last thing I would want is to be successful in my effort and then have two women in my house. That would mean two bath mats, two clothes hampers and two vegetables a week. No…thank you.
I wasn't sure you'd make it either! By day 3 I was googling your symptoms, and ready to admit you for gallbladder surgery. Then of course, the mind reels into "how will we pay for it" "what if he dies" "should I stay here or move on" "who will ever love me again" type questions.
ReplyDeleteYou "sort of" make the bed. I am happy with what you do, because the bed is covered and protected from dust AND GECKO POOP, but it's not made the way I would prefer it if we lived in a non-tropical, non-humid, non-open-door climate. My side of the bed is the same. It's the heat.
DRIPS MATTER! Drips get stepped in and become little black smudges all over the tile in the next room, which then GUESS WHO has to clean up? ME! So thank you for standing on a bit of rug so that I don't have to mop every freakin' day. You saint.
Regarding your diet, that is part of the reason I thought you'd need your gallbladder out. I know you'll die first. Just remember, the more you torture me with an unhealthy lifestyle, the more I can torture you by keeping you alive through "extraordinary measures" when you are beyond deciding for yourself. MUAHAhahaha, psycho.
I have been boy crazy since I was about 5, but I honestly don't notice other men anymore. Occasionally it might cross my mind that some guy nearby is "attractive" but it's like admiring a sunrise.
I only have eyes for you. If you had ever known me before we met, you might realize what a WORLD is contained in that statement. I love you, Lover.
I love you too, but now you went and made it all sappy.
DeleteHappy anniversary. Sorry you were sick. That sucks. But you'll really know you're married when you both forget your anniversary. (Happened to my aunt and uncle. 38th anniversary, if memory serves.)
ReplyDeleteI could do that
DeleteHappy belated anniversary! BTW, the older you get, the more the drips DO matter. Too easy to fall....yup, wet tile is slickery.
ReplyDeleteDB McNicol
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