The Awards Fairy Is Back Again

As I got home from work today, a large sedan pulled in right behind me. Two large men stepped out followed by a short balding man, who I immediately recognized as Cecil Dungliteur. This is a man who I used to only know as the Awards Fairy. He has terrorized me several times, stolen the contents of my house on more than one occasion, and cost me thousands in legal fees last February.

To catch up on what he has done to me:
The Awards Fairy Came By
Return of the Awards Fairy
Awards Fairy Detox
The Awards Fairy Strikes Again
The Awards Fairy Is Still At It
The Awards Fairy is Foiled
Awards Fairy Get Even

I immediately protested, "NO! NO! NO! Get out of here. You're not allowed to be here. Get away from me."

The Awards Fairy just stood there smiling. One of his goons said, "Surely, you're aware that he judge threw out the order of protection." The Fairy added, "He should be. He was there."

The biggest one stepped forward and produced three envelopes from inside his suit jacket and threw them at my feet.

"What's this? You can't do your own dirty work anymore?" I asked the Fairy.

"I just brought them along in case you try something."

"In case I try something? I need protected from you."

The goon who produced the envelopes said, "The court didn't see it that way, Mr. Minor" and he stuck out his hand.  "Tip?"

I looked at his large hand. "You have got to be joking?!"

The other one took a step forward. I quickly grabbed my wallet. "All I have is a twenty."

"That'll do," he said as he snatched it.

They hopped back in the car and laughed as they backed over my mailbox.

I picked up the envelopes and made my way inside the house to open them. One of the envelopes was a bright pink, so I opened it first. A new award I hadn't seen before fell out onto the table.

The inscription on the back said that this Inspiring Blog Award was given to me by Jules McMurray at My Mom's a Whack Job on February 24. That was only two weeks after my court date. Why did it take so long for them to deliver it to me?

Since the judge put me on two years probation concerning these awards, I must follow them to the letter to stay out of trouble. This one appears to be pretty simple. I have to list seven facts about me and ten bloggers that inspire me.

FACTS:

1. I got a lump in my throat when Michael showed up for Dwight's wedding in the series finale of The Office. I'm going to miss that show.
2. Last week, I had a cooler full of human blood in my van all morning. (I'll not explain unless someone asks.)
3. I have been accepted into Red's family to the point that I am referred to as Uncle Brett by her nieces.
4. I have changed jobs again. I now deliver office supplies.
5. I finally have a smartphone. My biggest reason for holding out on getting one turned out to be valid. I am always on it.
6. I just got a new recliner. Now I have too many...if that's possible.
7. I own over 60 ties, but haven't worn one in almost ten years.

BLOGGERS WHO INSPIRE ME:

1. Rodney Lacroix of Mental Poo
2. Stephen Hayes of The Chubby Chatterbox
3. Jessica R. Patch
4. Linda Roy of Mod Mom Beyond Indiedom
5. Kianwi of Simply She Goes
6. Rachael of Rachael's Insane Rants and Bizarre Musings
7. Addman of Muppets for Justice
8. Outlaw Mama
9. A Beer for the Shower
10. Kate Hall of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine?

The other two envelopes contained the same award although they looked different. They were both the Liebster that makes its way all over the blogging world.

The first was from Shawn Yankey at Laughing at Life, 2.

Shawn is a professional stand up comic. Now, I have won blogging awards from a published writer, and a professional comic. Now I just need an award from a magician to have all the arts covered.

The second was from Alison Sommer at Off the Mark.

Alison will be speaking at TED Talks soon. That's another award from a person who is a star even outside of the blogging world.

The Liebster gets around everywhere and has several requirements. Each person gave 11 questions to be answered. I must make 11 of my own and then pass it on to 11 more bloggers (with less than 200 followers), as well as list 11 facts about myself. I double checked the judges' orders and it looks like I can combine the people I pass it on to, but not the questions. I have to answer them all.  Here they are.

From Shawn:

1.  If you could choose to have any superpower, what would it be?
   The ability to do anything I can think of?
2. What would you do for a Klondike bar?
   Buy one on sale.
3. If you could be any cartoon character, who would it be and why?
   Pigpen from Peanuts, because people left him alone.
4. What is your favorite movie?
   Pulp Fiction
5. If you could be granted one wish, what would it be for?
   To have the superpower mentioned earlier.
6. Why did the chicken cross the road, besides to get to the other side?
   He just got off work and went home.
7. If you had the power to change laws, what would you make legal and what would you make illegal?
   Anything I wanted to do would be legal and it would be illegal to stop me.
8. What is your favorite way to spend your free time?
   Spending time with Red. If she's not around, then reading a book or watching a movie.
9. What is your favorite quote?
   If you do what you've always done, then you'll get what you've always got.
10. In your opinion, do you think man has really been to the moon?
    No.
11. What is your favorite quality in the opposite sex?
    They're not me.

From Alison:

1. What is your happiest childhood memory?
   The adventures with my brothers.
2. If you could have a super power, what would it be?
   Didn't we cover this one?
3. What has surprised you the most about how your life has turned out?
   I still basically live where I grew up.
4. If you could change one thing in your life, what would it be?
   I would have started college sooner.
5. What is your ultimate vacation?
   Traveling to other cultures, eating the local food, and meeting the people.
6. If I were to meet you in person, what is the first thing I would notice about you?
   My lack of social restraint.
7.  If you needed to emigrate, what country would you choose and why?
   Norway. It has the least personal life restrictions.
8. What is your ultimate way of relaxing?
   A good book.
9. What instrument have you always wanted to play?
   Guitar
10. What role or part would you play in a movie?
    I would love to be the bad guy.
11. What's your favorite song when traveling?
    A mixture of Classic Rock.

Facts about me:

1. I pour milk over cake and eat it out of a bowl.
2. I can now access Facebook and Twitter from 18 different devices. I think I may be a robot.
3. I sleep with three pillows, but one of them is so big it could be three pillows on its own.
4. I have been the best man in 14 different weddings.
5. I order soft drinks without ice. I hate when it waters down the soda.
6. I have never gotten a piece of clothing caught in a paper shredder or garbage disposal.
7. I love thunderstorms. BIG ONES!
8. As evidenced by her last post, Red and I have very different taste in movies.
9. I hate hummus. I have tried many different varieties. None of them are good.
10. I just discovered Duck Dynasty. I get it.
11. I just learned that due to my new job, I can write off my morning Mountain Dew.

Bloggers I am passing this award to:

1. We Are Adventure
2. Snaps and Bits
3. Jeneral Insanity
4. Antijenic Drift
5. Wrinkled Mommy
6. When a Lion Sleeps, Let It Sleep
7. Valerie Nunez and the Flying Platypi
8. In Shane's Brain
9. The Train's Whistle
10. Next Step
11. Ash-Matic Does Things

 A few of these bloggers don't have their followers visible on their blogs, so I don't actually know how many followers they have. If any of you have over 200, feel free to ignore. I will not be offended.

However, ATTENTION BLOGGING WORLD!!!

I now have 200 followers. I have accepted the Leibster Award for the last time. I no longer qualify for it. Can you tell that I am heart-broken?