Last night was Day 2 of a five day event and when I returned home with a big smile on my face from the number of kids I made cry, I saw this on my front door.
The smile left my face faster than Martin Short's when talking with Kathy Lee Gifford. This couldn't be good. Any time the Awards Fairy visited me, it never ends well.
Links to past visits from him:
The Awards Fairy Came By
Return of the Awards Fairy
Awards Fairy Detox
I jumped out of my van and dashed to the door, then ran back to the van to put it into park. I get a little ahead of myself sometimes. Upon reaching the door again, I was afraid to see what was inside. I turned the knob and peered into my living room. Nothing seemed to be out of place. I stepped inside and scanned the room. It looked good.
Nothing seemed to be missing from the bedrooms or the kitchen. The only thing I could find was an empty prescription bottle on my kitchen table. He had taken the Vicoden the doctor had prescribed. I hadn't needed any for the last couple of weeks, but it was nice to know it was there in case I had a flair up.
I stepped back outside to call the police. While I was waiting, I decided I might as well see what the award was for.
It looked as though I had won this award twice. Once from the peanut butter-loving Aussie stand up comedian Michael D. Agostino of The World as I See It and once from the hammock-loving Southerner Carrie Ryan of The Slow-Dripped Life. Thank you to both of you. I do appreciate the thought behind it. It's not your fault if the delivery system always seems to find a way to screw me.
As with past awards, this one had some rules.
- Link back to the bloggers that gave me the award. - CHECK
- Answer 7 questions about myself. - I can do that. Me is my favorite topic.
- Provide 10 random factoids about myself - Once again, ME!!!
- Pass the award to 7 other deserving bloggers. - This one doesn't really concentrate on me, but I will comply.
1: What's your favourite song?
I don't know that I have a favorite song. I have a wide music taste and what I listen to changes all the time. Lately I have had this one stuck in my head.
Bodies by Drowning Pool
I am not really a dessert person. I would much prefer to have seconds of the main course than reach for cake or pie. Although, Red of Doesn't Speak Klingon regularly brings me cookies that are a big hit. We recently had chocolate chip peanut butter and put Nutella on them. Very good.3: What do you do when you're upset?
Usually nothing. Ninety percent of the things we get upset about are not really of any consequence. I have no problem letting most things go. In the rare occasions that I feel something has to be said, I say it and then I am done.4: Which is your favourite pet?
I only have one. Dr Finklerstein the python.5: White bread or whole meal?
I am not a fan of white bread. I find it to be too dry.6: What's your biggest fear?
Luckily, it's not something that someone can run up and scare me with. I fear growing older and not being able to take care of myself. I don't want to be broke and stuck in a nursing home.7: What's your attitude most of the time?
Anyone that knows me can testify that I am in a very good mood almost all of the time. I laugh all day and rarely get down about things.
10 RANDOM FACTOIDS ABOUT MYSELF:
|Christian tells it like it is.|
- Every pair of jeans my dad owns are frayed at the bottom and around the pockets.
- He has a Jesus tattoo on his right shoulder. Jesus appears to be Asian. I don't know why.
- Dad talks to himself. A LOT! No one even has to be in the room.
- Dad took me to get my first tattoo.
- He has an obsession with the color red. Red vehicle, Red States, red meat and even a girl named Red.
- He always buys the same kind of bologna: the cheapest.
- My dad and I once broke into a neighbor's house just to steal the pepperonis off all their frozen pizzas.
- He won't use sticks of lip balm. He's a CARMEX guy.
- When I was 8 years old, my dad bet me $5.00 I couldn't sit through the entire movie Nightmare on Elm Street. I made five dollars that night and had nightmares for the next month. Dad said the cost of sleeping with him and mom was ten dollars.
- Dad used to hide the batteries to all my electronic toys so I couldn't play with them.
Seven Bloggers to Pass Award on to:
- That is Priceless - Arts Greatest Masterpieces Made Slightly Funnier - This is not a written blog. You will have to check it out to see how it works. I love it.
- Odd but Nice - The funniest blog you've never read
- Quirkyloon - Loonatic for life
- Lucy at A Little Lucidity
- Mental Poo - Challenge him to a game of Words with Friends
- Lady Goo Goo Gaga - This is not her mother's motherhood
- My Drunk Kitchen - This is a video log, but is the best cooking show out there
The police arrive just as I am finishing. They weren't in much of a hurry since there was no danger. I showed them the empty Vicoden bottle and they swept the house to look for other missing items. While I was filling out paperwork in the front yard, I heard yelling from the back of the house. Moments later, the officers drug a naked and wet Awards fairy out the front door. He had drawn himself a bath and passed out in the tub. I hadn't gone in the bathroom, so didn't realize he was still here.
After two arrests, rehab and a restraining order, he still won't leave me alone. I may have to hire a hitman.