Tuesday, June 12, 2012

The Awards Fairy Strikes Again

This week is being pleasantly spent terrorizing children at VBS. I am the photographer/video/sound/tech guy, which means I don't have to do any teaching, but have pictures and video to shoot and I run all the technical do-dads. It's great fun. I bounce into a room in the middle of a lesson, scare the kids to get the shot I want and then leave so the teacher can try to regain control of the class.

Last night was Day 2 of a five day event and when I returned home with a big smile on my face from the number of kids I made cry, I saw this on my front door.



The smile left my face faster than Martin Short's when talking with Kathy Lee Gifford. This couldn't be good. Any time the Awards Fairy visited me, it never ends well.

Links to past visits from him:
The Awards Fairy Came By
Return of the Awards Fairy
Awards Fairy Detox

I jumped out of my van and dashed to the door, then ran back to the van to put it into park. I get a little ahead of myself sometimes. Upon reaching the door again, I was afraid to see what was inside. I turned the knob and peered into my living room. Nothing seemed to be out of place. I stepped inside and scanned the room. It looked good.

Nothing seemed to be missing from the bedrooms or the kitchen. The only thing I could find was an empty prescription bottle on my kitchen table. He had taken the Vicoden the doctor had prescribed. I hadn't needed any for the last couple of weeks, but it was nice to know it was there in case I had a flair up.

I stepped back outside to call the police. While I was waiting, I decided I might as well see what the award was for.

It looked as though I had won this award twice. Once from the peanut butter-loving Aussie stand up comedian Michael D. Agostino of The World as I See It and once from the hammock-loving Southerner Carrie Ryan of The Slow-Dripped Life. Thank you to both of you. I do appreciate the thought behind it. It's not your fault if the delivery system always seems to find a way to screw me.

As with past awards, this one had some rules.
  1. Link back to the bloggers that gave me the award. - CHECK
  2. Answer 7 questions about myself. - I can do that. Me is my favorite topic.
  3. Provide 10 random factoids about myself - Once again, ME!!!
  4. Pass the award to 7 other deserving bloggers. - This one doesn't really concentrate on me, but I will comply.
The Questions:

1: What's your favourite song?
I don't know that I have a favorite song. I have a wide music taste and what I listen to changes all the time. Lately I have had this one stuck in my head.
Bodies by Drowning Pool


2: What's your favorite dessert?
I am not really a dessert person. I would much prefer to have seconds of the main course than reach for cake or pie. Although, Red of Doesn't Speak Klingon regularly brings me cookies that are a big hit. We recently had chocolate chip peanut butter and put Nutella on them. Very good.
 3: What do you do when you're upset?
Usually nothing. Ninety percent of the things we get upset about are not really of any consequence. I have no problem letting most things go. In the rare occasions that I feel something has to be said, I say it and then I am done.
4: Which is your favourite pet?
I only have one. Dr Finklerstein the python.
5: White bread or whole meal?
I am not a fan of white bread. I find it to be too dry.
6: What's your biggest fear?
Luckily, it's not something that someone can run up and scare me with. I fear growing older and not being able to take care of myself. I don't want to be broke and stuck in a nursing home.
7: What's your attitude most of the time?
Anyone that knows me can testify that I am in a very good mood almost all of the time. I laugh all day and rarely get down about things.


10 RANDOM FACTOIDS ABOUT MYSELF:

Christian tells it like it is.
Due to previous awards and the 100 random facts about myself that I recently came up with for my hundredth post, I have deferred these facts to my son Christian. Here are 10 facts about me according to my son.
  1.  Every pair of jeans my dad owns are frayed at the bottom and around the pockets.
  2. He has a Jesus tattoo on his right shoulder. Jesus appears to be Asian. I don't know why.
  3. Dad talks to himself. A LOT! No one even has to be in the room.
  4. Dad took me to get my first tattoo.
  5. He has an obsession with the color red. Red vehicle, Red States, red meat and even a girl named Red.
  6. He always buys the same kind of bologna: the cheapest.
  7. My dad and I once broke into a neighbor's house just to steal the pepperonis off all their frozen pizzas.
  8. He won't use sticks of lip balm. He's a CARMEX guy.
  9. When I was 8 years old, my dad bet me $5.00 I couldn't sit through the entire movie Nightmare on Elm Street. I made five dollars that night and had nightmares for the next month. Dad said the cost of sleeping with him and mom was ten dollars.
  10. Dad used to hide the batteries to all my electronic toys so I couldn't play with them.



Seven Bloggers to Pass Award on to:
  1. That is Priceless - Arts Greatest Masterpieces Made Slightly Funnier - This is not a written blog. You will have to check it out to see how it works. I love it.
  2. Odd but Nice - The funniest blog you've never read
  3. Quirkyloon - Loonatic for life
  4. Lucy at A Little Lucidity
  5. Mental Poo - Challenge him to a game of Words with Friends
  6. Lady Goo Goo Gaga - This is not her mother's motherhood
  7. My Drunk Kitchen - This is a video log, but is the best cooking show out there




The police arrive just as I am finishing. They weren't in much of a hurry since there was no danger. I showed them the empty Vicoden bottle and they swept the house to look for other missing items. While I was filling out paperwork in the front yard, I heard yelling from the back of the house. Moments later, the officers drug a naked and wet Awards fairy out the front door. He had drawn himself a bath and passed out in the tub. I hadn't gone in the bathroom, so didn't realize he was still here.


After two arrests, rehab and a restraining order, he still won't leave me alone. I may have to hire a hitman.

52 comments:

  1. Hysterical take on the award... I personally moniker them with "Tag, you're it...no tag backs" because in the end finding 7 bloggers you haven't given the award to AND that would appreciate it WITHOUT offending other bloggers...sheesh.

    I will have to check out your lucky 7.

    WG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I invented the Awards Fairy a few months ago for when I get awards. I love getting awards, but hated writing the posts. I wanted a way I could still be creative and tell a story. This is what I came up with. Although, it does get hard trying to figure out what to do with the fairy each time.

      Delete
  2. Wow preach just great...sorry I couldnt make it to the gym, also thanks for shopping for me today too...

    Congarts on the award!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Quite all right.

      We will hit the gym tomorrow.

      Delete
  3. I think this is my favorite of the Awards Fairy's appearances.

    I want to see Jesus! ...wait. the "fact 2" Jesus. I'm really sorry about the red meat thing because it's the one thing I can't eat. But it hasn't been an issue yet.

    It's a good thing we are both generally positive. Negative people bring me down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just under my sleeve. Ask next time we're together. The red meat deal has not been an issue so far and I don't see that it will.

      Positivity goes a long way with me. Negative people drain me quickly. Typically, I just step away.

      Delete
  4. Congrats on the award! Facts 7 and 9 made me laugh really hard and I'll add those blogs to my list to check out. (=

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I don't know how he remembers this stuff.

      Delete
  5. Fascination with Red, huh? Hmmm, I guess it was destined from the start! ;)

    Nice to "meet" your son.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Delightful read! And I think we should all offer our kid/spouse/bestfriend the opportunity to present ten facts about us... one never knows what we will learn this way... great fun, and a well-deserved award - Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He jumped at the chance when offered.

      Delete
  7. Don't worry, man. All of my jeans are frayed everywhere too.

    Congrats on another award. You are really raking them in!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like my frayed jeans. It means they are well worn and comfortable. His are frayed too so I don't know why he even noticed.

      Delete
  8. Restraining order, or just stop writing good stuff?

    Go the hitman.

    Congrats mate, entertaining stuff :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fun post! I talk to myself all the time, too. It's not bad unless you start answering your own questions. I'm beginning to think that's a trait shared by most writers ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Brandi. You returning to the blogosphere hopefully means you are feeling better.

      I don't answer my own questions, but I am caught talking several times a day.

      Delete
  10. Hahaha! I do LOVE your award acceptance posts! And your son has obviously inherited your sense of humor. His 10 facts about you were hilarious.

    Congratulations Brett and as ALWAYS, an award well deserved! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. He is very funny. He moved out 2 years ago, but we have hung out all this week and had a blast.

      Delete
  11. I'm fairly new to your blog but have pretty much laughed at every one of them, especially the parts where you talk about frightening small children. Congratulations on your award, and I have to ask- was there a blog in the past where I missed you telling the pepperoni pizza theiving break in tale, or did your kid snag me with a made up factoid?! Because that is something I would definitely like to know the details of!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The pepperoni pizza story is true, but I have not written about it. I had forgotten about it until he mentioned it. One of his memories of childhood.

      Thank you for reading. I do enjoy scaring children and living my life the way I want to. The question I ask myself everyday is Is this illegal or just frowned upon? That question guides many of my decisions.

      Delete
  12. Congrats! I just got one myself and was going to put you on the list, but since it's the same award the same week that would just be lazy of me. And I'm too lazy to make up my being lazy with some other post. So I'll add you to my blog roll and draw you a bunny here to show you how special you are. >:X
    THere you go, super star.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. That works for me, but I will give the bunny to my daughter. I am allergic.

      Delete
  13. Congrats on your blog award! You and I are the same way when it comes to being upset. Just let it go, nothing you can do about it most of the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I makes life a lot easier. You only get to live it once. Do you really want to spend it upset?

      Delete
  14. Congratulations! It does seem like awards all hit you at once, doesn't it?

    You make me laugh in ever single goddamn post. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Congrats on the award and great facts! Do we ever get to see Asian Jesus? Now I'm just curious...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I need to post to a picture. I will use it soon.

      Delete
  16. I love your awards fairy, even if it sounds like he sleeps on a park bench under a newspaper.

    Congratulations on another well deserved award. Those cookies are calling to me and threaten to derail my diet, they look so good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. Any attempt at dieting was blown out of the water this weekend. I attended a wedding and they just kept bringing out the food.

      Delete
  17. Congrats! Your son's answers were great! My dad used to buy the cheapest bologna, too...and cheese. Cheap cheese tastes remarkably like cheap plastic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I spend a little more on cheese. Good cheese cannot be cheapened.

      Delete
  18. I love how clever you are with these things. When I get awards I always think. Dammit, I can't do it as well as Brett.

    I will see your Red and raise you Blue. I love everything blue including blue car BLUE STATES blue hair blue dishes blue everything. And also I'm a female atheist vegetarian. So together we make a nice shade of purple. Purple is a good color. Where are all the purple states?

    Adorable. I'm telling you. I love Christian. Christian and Adam are my favorite :)

    ALso number 9 is hilarious and messed up ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In reference to #9, I worked really hard to properly warp my children.

      Thank you for the comment. I like out shade of purple. We may fall on opposite ends of the spectrum on several things, but I enjoy your perspective and writing. Happy to be purple with you.

      Delete
  19. I love that you had your son write facts about you. Please tell me that you plan on taking a picture of your Jesus tattoo, and writing a post about it. Why is it that He looks Asian? When did you get it? What about His mother? Doesn't she deserve to be on your calf?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have written so many random facts about myself lately, I couldn't think of anything new. Since he was in the next room, I asked him to come up with them.

      Christian has the Maria de Guadalupe on his calf.

      I will address my tattoos at some point.

      Delete
  20. You did a much better job of making your blogs sound interesting than I did.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Your son is awesome. And number 9 sounds exactly like something my dad would have done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tough love. That's how they learn about real life.

      Delete
  22. I loved how you tackled this!

    Awards Fairy.

    heh heh

    And thank you soooo much for honoring me. *smile*

    And, I too, want to learn about the frozen pepperoni break-in!

    Congrats to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I may have to write that one up.

      Delete
  23. Thanks so much for the award!! I am touched and going to check out the rest of the winners!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are very welcome. Well deserved.

      Delete
  24. Hey hey!!

    Like you my summer feels busier, loonier than the rest of the year and I have been away from the world of blog for a while but I'm slowly climbing back up into the hammock to write and check out my favorite blogs.

    Yay! Your award is up and how cool to be awarded it TWICE! Confirmation that you have a blog that rocks.

    Great idea to have your son post about you. I may do that some time in the future. I would love to hear my two kids' perspectives on ol' Mom. I smiled to read that you talk to yourself. I do it all the time, and get caught frequently by those in my household. Sign of intelligence, I always say. :)

    Hopefully your summer can slow down soon! I'm thinking mine will be down to a dull roar for at least a couple of weeks and I welcome it.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am headed to Portland next week and after that, there is nothing planned for the rest of the summer. I assume it will slow down then.

      It was fun having Christian write for me. He had a few good ones I had forgotten all about.

      Delete
  25. I admire your bravery in encouraging your son to post his thoughts about you. I wonder what my teens would say about me...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, but I get final editing decisions.

      Delete
  26. Congrats! I'm obsessed with the color green. Sometimes I have to imagine green things are another color to objectively decide whether they are attractive or not.

    #9 on your kid's list was laugh out loud funny. I hope it's true.

    And we are twins in that I'm also a Carmex guy (I mean girl).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. #9 as well as the others are all true. Although, I had forgotten that one until he mentioned it.

      Delete

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