Monday, February 27, 2012

Evidence that I am Harmless

In response to recent internet conversations, I feel a need to defend myself. I have not been accused of anything, but there have been questions about who I am...or am not. Let me give a little background information.

Since I have started blogging, I have made a lot of new friends. This online community I have become a part of has been very rewarding and was not what I expected when I started. My only intention was to write my little stories and I honestly did not know if anyone would ever read them. However, people have been reading and it has been a great experience.

Despite the fact that I have only met these people in the virtual world, I do consider many of them my friends. In fact, this summer I will be meeting in person Jen from "Jen" e sais quoi, since I will be in her city for a wedding. I am not trying to speak for Jen, but I assume she felt that she knew me well enough from my writing that it would be safe to meet and show me around the city. Then again, maybe she carries mace and a gun in her purse and just isn't too worried about me.

However, there is another blogger (Red from Doesn't Speak Klingon) that has been much more cautious. We have developed a mutual curiosity about each other and the idea has been proposed to meet. There are no actual plans being made, it is just an idea, but having never actually met me, Red has one major concern as can be seen in the comment section of one of her posts.


I do understand, but am hit with a dilemma. How does one prove that he is not an axe-murderer? I started with the person that may know me the best, my mother.

This morning's phone conversation:

MOM: Hello.

ME: Hey, Mom. I have a question for you.

MOM: What is it?

ME: Have I ever killed anyone with an axe?

MOM: What!? Do you mean, like, when you were younger?

ME: No. Any time.

MOM: With an axe? No.

ME: So, would you say that I am not an axe murderer?

MOM: I guess so, but I'm not with you all the time. I don't know what you do in your spare time.

ME: Please, help me out here, Mom!

MOM: Fine. To my knowledge you have never killed someone with an axe.

ME: Thank you, Mom. I will quote you on that. I love you.

Now that I had the good word of my mother (and who cannot trust a mother), I thought I would share a story. When I was about 20 years old, I was participating in a Halloween Haunted Hayride. A week before the event a few dozen of us were out chopping wood for the bonfires for the various scenes. I busied myself by throwing the split wood into a truck and assisting the others.

For story accuracy,
his was orange,
not red.
One man named Matt was using a large maul axe since he was splitting some rather large pieces. I was tossing the pieces he cut into the truck. Occasionally, the axe would stick in the wood and I would put my foot on it to steady it so he could pull it out.

One of those times it stuck and I used my foot just as I had before, but this time it was really stuck in there good and pulled the wood out from under me when he pulled the handle. So, trying to be of better assistance, I really leaned into it. I held it down and he gave the axe a wiggle and pulled up. This time it came out. It came straight up and hit me just over my right eye.

The blow threw me back and trying to catch my balance, I almost ran into the tailgate of the truck behind me. My brother caught me and saved me further injury.

Still bent over I removed my hands from my face and saw the blood pouring out of my head. It was like a faucet spewing out water. I wasn't in much pain, but remember thinking, "Wow! My face is probably really messed up."

A girl I didn't know approached me, said I needed stitches and put me in her truck. She drove me to her house and fixed me up in her bathroom. We then returned to the wood cutting, but they didn't make me work. In fact, they took turns making sure I didn't fall asleep. This is as good as it gets with redneck first aid. Within a few days, most of the right side of my face had swollen and turned black.

Today, I only have a small scar under my eyebrow, but you can feel where the bone was chipped (or broken). I really don't know since we never went to the hospital, but this is another reason I cannot be an axe murderer. I have been on the receiving end of an axe and know how they feel. I just can't do that to someone.

Further arguments:

No one wants to see this.
The economy has slumped so low,
this clown had to become a butcher.
  1. One of my favorite shows is Dexter. The lead character may be a serial killer, but he only kills people that really deserve it and he has never used an axe.
  2. Ask anyone in my family, I am not handy with tools. My kids rush in if I even pick up a screwdriver, because they are scared I might try to fix something.
  3. The most grievous injury I have ever caused was to a kid in my youth group. He did have to have surgery, miss his senior trip and go to his graduation on crutches, but I did not hit him with anything.
  4.  One of the reasons I don't like small children is because they are sticky. It is disgusting and I would imagine cleaning up the crime scene after killing someone with an axe could be pretty nasty. No thank you.
  5. I was belted in Tae Kwon Do when I was an undergrad. He never trained us with weapons.
  6. I have never even owned an axe.
I hope this extra knowledge about me will calm any other concerns she may have.  For those of you that know me personally, please feel free to vouch for me in the comment section of this blog. Comments on Facebook will not be seen by her.

148 comments:

  1. I am curious of your mom's response " With an axe? No." What about a leadpipe in the Conservatory?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She tries to be as specific as possible.

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    2. An axe was all he ask me about!

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    3. The only thing I have seen you hit anyone with is words!lmao

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    4. This is great, but one thing is for sure. I know this guy and his family, and NONE of them could be anymore than a bug killer.....and I doubt a few of them would injoy that!

      Delete
  2. and yes Red he does like redheads...his daughter is one!but no he is not an axe murderer...was a biker with long hair and leathers..kinda sexy actually!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Sue. I don't think I have seen you on here before. Thanks for the kind words. I have was just fishing for a character reference, but sexy works.

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    2. I read about the "redheaded ex-wives" in his first post, which begs the question: Where are *their* bodies scattered!? ;)

      Delete
  3. Wow. just...wow...LOL - so hard!

    I don't know where to start - I *could* pick apart the "evidence" just for the sake of argument but really, you're being a very good sport about my axe-murderer mindset, so I won't.

    There's so much I could say about this, it almost needs its own post! In the meantime, your mom is clearly a very fun, easygoing person. I like her already!

    did someone say biker? leather? hmm...when are we meeting again?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is really killing me!!!! Slient is not golden!!!!!!

      Delete
    2. Wait, me? I'm too silent? Well, I'm trying not to violate Brett's comment section too much. Okay, I'll chime in.

      (and I've composed a response for my blog, for tomorrow, maybe.)

      Delete
    3. Hopefully, at this point, I have provided enough character witnesses that I am not an axe-murderer.

      Delete
    4. I have known Brett for a number of years. He and his children have been to my home on several occasion. After my husband died Brett was s lot of help with my 14 year old son. Who had always talked to Brett about things he didn't want to talk with mom. . I would trust Brett with my child anytime. He is a carimg and kind man. If I had a daughter. I would allow her to go anywhere with Brett and know she was safe.

      Delete
    5. Linda, yours actually choked me up. Thank you so much. It was always a pleasure. Christ grew into a great young man.

      Delete
  4. The more one tries to prove they are not an axe murderer, the more axe murderer-ish they come across...quite the dilemma.

    Butna. Brett's had plenty of opportunity to extinguish me in a variety of ways and never tried..not even once.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You were one of the easier to deal with. I don't think I ever even wanted to choke you.

      Thank you, Ian.

      Delete
  5. Brett is a really good guy. I worked with him for pretty close to a year... Not once did he come in with an axe... He is definitely someone worth meeting.. fun personality, witty, and smart. No need to worry about your well being, Red.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I appreciate that, Jess. It was a lot of fun. Really missed you when you left.

      Delete
    2. It was fun.. I really enjoyed hanging out with you, Christian and Kirsten. I miss all of you guys. I like reading your blogs. :) Always an interesting read.

      Delete
  6. Brett is quite harmless. He's a friend to all creatures. Although, one time (that we know of), he ate the dogs' dinner scraps. Poor doggies.
    The worst you can expect from Brett is that he won't stop talking.
    Lovingly, Aunt Claudia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The dog scraps were a one time thing. They were good though.

      Not having something to say has never kept me from trying. Thank you, Claudia.

      Delete
  7. Well, well, where to begin.....I have know brett a long time and its been really great!!! First time, I meet brett (Red this is for you mainly....and he can't stop talking about you...I mean your writing!!!) was at chruch camp almost 20 yrs ago.....But, the last three years have been really amazing to spend time racking his brain over and over again....Everytime I see something funny I think to myself "that is a Preachism" (just came up with that).....Also you need to know that the "Biker Brett" is alot different than I remember him from my past...(I didn't see Preach(aka Brett) for about 10 years....) Leather, Harley, Full biker goatee....its was pretty awesome!!!!

    Overall I think that I know him pretty well and I know for a fact he is no axe murder....but, I am still wondering what happened to my foot!!!!!

    Hope that help and I hope that I don't get yelled at this for posting....but, if I do what is the worst thing that could happen, he puts me in a wheelchair again?

    Thanks again Preach really enjoy your writing as always...

    Adam....I mean Steven....lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow! Thank you. You almost make it sound as though I put you in the wheelchair. Thank you.

      Delete
    2. Train, this is hilarious. Yes, it sounds like Brett's axe is the cause of your missing foot, and the reason for the wheelchair.

      ...not a lot to defray the idea of axe-murderer here, except that you're clearly alive.
      (and I'm flattered if Brett is talking about me/my writing.)

      Delete
    3. Red,

      I have enjoyed the last couple of weeks....it has been fun...

      Me: Hey Preach what's up
      Preach: I'm getting married
      Me: Really?
      Preach: Yup...

      Delete
  8. Dear Red or anyone else considering meeting Brett:
    I know Brett in real life. Have for quite a long time now actually. I have heard that axe story before along with all of the other completely insane antics he and his 2 brothers got into as youths. He is not an axe murder. In fact, he is quite the opposite.
    His mom sounds just like you think she does. She's awesome and they are all lucky to have her. Especially when they were young! I think any other woman would have more health problems and maybe suffered an early heart attack at some point due to the stuff I have heard they did.
    On a side note... Brett, I didn't know one of your favorite shows was Dexter! LOVE it. It is my favorite.
    Anyway. He's just as he seems in his writing because it's who he is. If you chose to meet up with him, I am sure you would be glad you decided to do so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is working out so much better than what I had in mind. Thank you so much for the kind words. And I do feel sorry for my mother. We put her through so much.

      Delete
    2. Haha. You know you've got a lot of people who would always vouch for you! You've touched a lot of lives in various ways. :)
      The good thing is, she is reaping the rewards now. She has awesome sons who love her.

      Delete
  9. Im not sure why you dont have your own spot in the daily paper, and each day (or hour) that i running through pictures&comments i always stop on yours. Its good to know that there are other people who arent afraid to thow out every thought. Please keep going, i feel as if im going to have to send a payment sometime soon to keep this kind of laughter in my life. Thankyou!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually applied at the paper and they asked me, "Do you have a journalism degree?" Since I don't they quit talking to me.

      Thank you, Amy. I enjoy writing and would love to do it for a living. I am working on it.

      Delete
    2. Seriously?!! Some of the junk they publish... *sigh* I don't understand how anyone can think that just because someone is educated in a certain area of study that it makes them good at what they do. I agree with Amy. I always enjoy when you write.

      Delete
  10. I am incredibly surprised to discover Brett is not a member of the "killed someone with an ax" club. Come to the dark side Brett....we have cookies.

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    Replies
    1. I could go for cookies. I don't know about the axe part. How many would I get for throwing a toothpick at someone?

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    2. You just quoted my favorite T-shirt.
      Second fave: "Vader was framed". I don't know why, but that tickles me.

      I'll make the cookies...and they won't be poisoned at all!

      Delete
  11. You're cool in my book, Brett. I appreciate people who showcase their sense of humor and observations on society. Kudos to Jen and Red for wanting to meet you.

    Obviously, we have to use common sense when it comes to talking and meeting people on the internet. However, I say, if you're afraid of someone because they express an opinion or decided to speak up when others chose to remain silent, then you haven't progressed from what we all learned in preschool about not talking to strangers.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. And that is very true. I get the feeling that there is a lot of that going on from the news. Things have become so partisan, it seems that intelligent conversations cannot happen any more.

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    2. I'm not at all afraid of his opinions, or his standing up when necessary - applause, applause, for all of that.

      An axe...well...you know.

      Delete
  12. Brett is harmless. He told me so. I feel safe around him, although we only meet in public. On the bright side, if Red was to meet him sooner than later, she'd be back home before corn planting begins.

    P.S. Brett, you never got back to me on buying that slightly-used hatchet. I'm going to put it on ebay if you don't want it.

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    Replies
    1. Aaron, you are bigger than me, so you should feel safe and you can sell it it if you want. I found something cheaper.

      Delete
  13. I have known Brett since I was a kid, and he is indeed quite harmless, as well as entertaining, and just super nice. I certainly understand the apprehension about meeting an online friend, but Brett is definitely one you won't have to worry about!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, Kalen. Although, it was your suggestion AND hanging out with me that got Taylor injured.

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    2. I was reading through all these wonderful posts, thinking should I add my thoughts. Here goes. If Brett wants to take you planking, you should not go. My daughter has a permanent scar on her face from that one. In Brett's defence he told them not to use the bench, it was not sturdy. She decided to prove him wrong. He was kind enough to take her and clean up the blood before he brought her home. An axe murdered probably wouldn't do that. I also sent my son to Texas with him and his brother, I believe axes may have been involved on that trip and no one got hurt. everyone came home, even had an extra kid when they came back.

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    3. Thank you, Ruby. I think I have a decent track record with not maiming children. They come home in one piece at least 98% of the time.

      In all honestly, even on the Texas trip, six of us ended up having to get tetanus shots, although I think I sustained the only injury.

      I do appreciate you adding to the comments with your kind words and support. The outpouring of good words has been quite unexpected. Thank you also for trusting me with your daughter. I will try to prevent any further injuries.

      Delete
  14. I can vouch for you! I never suspected you of doing intentional harm to anyone. Of course, you and your brothers did dig a lot of holes on our 20 acres. But more often than not you were the "receiver" of the injuries. And you would go to a lot of trouble to avoid heavy physical activity, so I truly believe murder with an axe would fall into that catagory. but on the other hand, I have heard, that "the mother" is the last to know.

    Denise Minor aka "HIS MOTHER"

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    Replies
    1. I know I wouldn't want to lug an axe around all day.

      Thank you.

      Delete
  15. Mace? Guns? Pfft! This is Portland. We just carry billyclubs and go all medeival on your kneecaps like our homegirl, Tonya Harding. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I didn't know she was from there. Does she still wander the streets?

      Delete
  16. Bwahahaha! I love Momma Brett's response, 'With an axe? No."

    Awesome.

    And also? I feel the exact same way about little kids. They perpetually walk around with sticky jam hands. At least I hope it's jam.

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    Replies
    1. I have raised my kids and don't care to go back to the toddler years.

      Delete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, I'm kind of a fan of reptiles, myself, so that's not really a negative...if that's what you were going for!

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    2. The python's name is Dr Finklerstein. He is not a fan of most people.

      Delete
  18. Oops ^ typo.

    Dear Red,

    I do not know Brett in real life, he recently started following my blog so I came over here and decided to follow back.

    So far, from the comments he has left on mine I only have two pieces of information about him that I can tell you.

    He has a large snake and he is allergic to pussys.

    Hope that helps.

    ReplyDelete
  19. One question: Where are the brothers? I'm very interested in sibling input. I KNOW that if anyone were seeking a character reference about me, they'd get 4 different versions from my 4 siblings...if you could track them all down, that is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. One of them doesn't use the internet, so we probably won't hear from him. The other will be checking in at some point.

      Delete
    2. Your siblings need to be told about the blog sites more than once. Now that I am following, I must say, I am deeply concerned that our warped view points are not unique.

      Brett - Red is fiercely loyal as well as quirky and unique (must be a Q kind of day)

      Delete
    3. Kyle pops in now and then. Trevor has still never seen it.

      I had expressed a concern to Red that the links between our sites might give away her anonymity. We knew it would happen sooner or later.

      Glad to see you here.

      Delete
  20. I know Brett Minor very well and I can tell you that it took him several times to put a poor dying cat out of its misery so I am very sure that he could not kill a person with an axe. I am very sure that he could not kill any person with anything because like he said he could possibly get his hands very dirty. Blood is sticky and is hard to get all the way off so killing is out for him. On the other hand if he did pick up an axe I would get out of the way because something is going to get hurt. Not on purpose but Brett with an axe... no better not do that. I am sure that axe murderer is not something that will ever describe Brett. He is the most harmless person that you could meet. Wouldn't trade him as a friend for the world.

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    Replies
    1. Awesome. So the worst I could expect would be a drastic "accident" with the axe. Good to know!

      Delete
    2. I still have nightmares about that cat. It kept looking at me.

      Thank you, Christi.

      Delete
  21. Dear Red....do not trust this man!!! I am the most qualified to speak of his character. He will ruin your life! I know because he ruined mine. I lived next to the famous minor boys all growing up. When I was two i was found with red marks around my neck. The boys haput a rope around my neck while playing cowboys and indians. Guess who was the horse??? Throughout my childhood I was forced to use my imagination in ways that no child should. I was forced to ramp bikes off of deadly heights, swing from trees, eat salt lick, roll down huge hills in barrels, jump from barns, swing from ropes into high haystacks, swim with snakes and snapping turtles, disect just about anything that could be disected, and learn all I needed to know about boy anatomy from swimming adventures. How did this ruin my life??? Nothing is ever as fun. I spend my life chasing highs because the minor boys set my life expectations so high as a kid. It is because of them I dont get to be a girlie girl. I am the one who owns the power tools in my house. I am the one who gets called to do dangerous things because I am fearless beyond measure. I am the house that all the neighborhood kids want to hang at because I am the most fun and adventure is always happening. I never get an ounce of peace. I am ruined. I am forever the fun, energetic, adventure seeking, power tool wielding, never to grow completely up person because of these boys! Stay away. Stay far far away! Your life will be turned completely upside down. Even after one encounter with any of these minor boys you will find that nothing else seems to compare. And as for the axe .....I wouldn't trust him with one. Before you know it you would have a fort built in your back yard with split timber....then all the neighborhood kids will want to be at YOUR house!!! If you do decide to meet him, make sure to bring the following things....tennis shoes, boots, rope, energy drinks, band aides...lots of band aides, binnoculars, elbow and knee pads.....just whatever you do....DON'T FORGET THE BAND AIDES!!!! And the last thing you will need? A journal....so you you can record every detail of your encounter.....trust me, you won't want to forget a single second!!! .....Amanda

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    Replies
    1. That was quite an assessment. I do thank you and I still want to crash a wedding with you this summer.

      We did have a lot of adventures together. It was great. Thank you again. We didn't leave you with any scars, did we?

      Delete
    2. Scars is an understatement! Wouldn't change a single thing!!! I am soooo in for the great wedding crash!

      Delete
    3. umm...if you're looking for a wedding to crash, I'll be in one this June, in New England. Just throwin' that out there. Maybe kill two birds with one stone - cross the wedding-crashing off the list and we could actually meet? Just sayin...

      Delete
  22. I'm Bretts dad. His mom made me read his blog about ax murders.
    I have to say he is a little weird but more like a teddy bear. He's more afraid of work and girls than most 10 year olds. When he was a teen I had to bribe the neighbor girls to ask him out. O I never told him that, I guess it's out now. I had to put a TV tower by his bed room window, just to get him out after dark. He"s came out of his shell pretty much by now, but strange is just a word.
    Myself and his mom finally decided his brothers would have to look after him and we took off for Florida. We E mail him now and then, but we still haven't let him know what town we moved to.
    That's all for now, I don't want to upset him to much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am not really afraid of work, I just don't like it. If I didn't get paid at my job, I would quit.

      Thank you, Dad. I was surprised to see you on here.

      Delete
    2. hahaha. I get it. Brett gets his "funny" naturally. Nice one.

      And it's hilarious, Brett, that you only refute the "afraid of work" part. riot.

      Delete
  23. I an Kirsten, his daughter...He murdered me with an axe once.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I did. Several times, in fact.

      Delete
    2. Kirsten: Best. Response. Yet. awesome.

      Delete
  24. I know Brett!!! I've known him since he was a kid. In fact his younger brother is my son-in-law. His brothers care for Brett very much.. Out of necessity. Brett has worn Many different hats throughout his life. It depends on which personality is in control. If you have red hair, dye it, shave it off, get a wig. Brett is very intelligent, very funny, but don't for an instance think you can outsmart Brett!! We still don't know all the personalities. Be careful!! Be very careful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Carolyn. My most dominant personality is in control about 97% of the time.

      Delete
  25. Yes Brent is harmless. I am proud to say is my friend to my family. Thank u again for giving my son a positive male figure in his life

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    Replies
    1. Ginny has been my neighbor for the last year and always called me Brent, but she is referring to me. You are very welcome and thank you for your kind words.

      Delete
  26. This is hilarious. Best responses to a blog post ever.

    ReplyDelete
  27. An Axe murderer? I went to school with Brett K-12 and have known Brett all my life. I've known Brett to be many things but never once have I ever heard of him harming and axe, let alone murdering it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Curt. No axes have even been harmed by me.

      Delete
    2. Thank you! I was wondering when someone would think of that! The more I say "axe-murderer", and I've been throwing the phrase around A LOT, the more it sounds like "one who murders axes".

      ...I'm so glad I'm not alone. :)

      Delete
  28. I have never known Brett to murder anyone...especially with an axe...even though they desperately needed it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. I don't know who you are, but you are right. On many occasions, someone deserved it and still didn't get it.

      Delete
  29. I first got to know Bret when he kept me form burning thier hous down putting a science project together (making a light bulb with a jar, two wires, a battery, a candle and some steal wool.) I was throwing matches over my shoulder, he would pick them up. Since then we have prevented each other harm multiple times. Along with the rest of the Scheller crew. I would trust him with my life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I remember that. You were convinced they would do no harm. I wasn't buying it.

      Bob and I used to butt each other in the head for fun. I think he usually won.

      Delete
    2. Yeah those were the good times..... what were we talkin about? Oh yeah... and don't forget full contact, no pads or helmet football games withas many as 30+ people at the grade school yard.

      Delete
  30. Brett could never be an axe murderer. On the other hand, he has been everything else: rebel, preacher, biker, tattoo artist, comedian, writer, photographer, videoman, gamer, extreme sports, etc. If there's anything he hasn't tried, just give him time. And he excels in everything he does. You can only hope he doesn't pursue the axe thing. However, you may want to use the axe on yourself just trying to figure him out. It will drive you bonkers. For that reason, be afraid. Be very afraid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yours is one of several where I can't decide if it was a good one or bad one.

      Kidding. Thank you for helping out Becky. I really do appreciate it. I got a much better response to this than I anticipated.

      Delete
    2. As long as he's not trying to figure me out, I won't worry about figuring him out. I can just roll with it, I think. Hmm...where to hide the axe.

      Delete
  31. Wow Brett, You've got quite a collection of responses to this post. I gotta say I think it's hilarious that anyone would try to prove they aren't an ax murderer. Just because you haven't done it yet...haha
    I hope all of these posts help you out. You're a great guy. Thanks for stopping by to watch the game tonight. Always nice to see a friendly face who can talk about something OTHER than football :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was fun. I am glad I ran into Rick so I would know to go. I still don't understand the game any better than when I got there, but it was very interesting.

      I would be happy to talk books with you anytime. Thank you for leaving a comment and for the kind words.

      (For those others who may be reading this, she is referring to soccer.)

      Delete
    2. (I caught that "yet" from Amy!)

      Delete
  32. Unfortunately, the more you try to prove you aren't dangerous, the more people will suspect that, if they assumed you were, they are correct. I have never met anyone who I began to communicate with on the internet, but I wouldn't mind. The way I see it, hipster boy from the coffee shop that seems friendly is as much of a risk as is hipster boy from New York that I have been sending emails to for months. Even if both turn out to be axe murderers, I don't care, so long as they don't harm me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The axe murders are fine as long as they are not against you? That makes more sense the more I think about it.

      I figured me making the argument myself would not be enough. That's why I put the plea out on Facebook for people to come to my defense.

      I think it worked.

      Delete
  33. Well I'm seriously enjoying this post - and the ongoing flirting (if that's what we want to call it) between you and Red.

    Such a fun mixture of humour and maybe something serious in the background that keeps me waiting for the scene to unfold. Can't wait to see what happens next!

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    Replies
    1. Cool. What started as a joke a few weeks ago has grown into something more. I don't know where this is going and don't have any real plans, but the ride has been fun and I am curious to see where this leads as well.

      Thanks for watching. I feel like I am on my own reality show.

      Delete
    2. Yes, very much like a reality show... you guys could really play this up if you wanted.

      I even began imagining a joint blog were you could both post only about this - and battle the whole thing out. But I know that I'm excessive ;-)

      Delete
    3. I don't know if I could do a blog of only this for very long. I could be fun, but the story would have to move forward. I plan to address this issue again today and then do a post or two that has nothing to do with this.

      I believe you are watching this more closely than anyone, so we will be sure to keep you posted.

      Delete
  34. Haha you should make a resume out of these qualifications :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right. I need to archive this whole page to make sure I never lose it.

      Delete
  35. Can't wait until Red ends up being an axe murderer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be a cruel twist of fate, wouldn't it?

      Delete
    2. SPOILER ALERT! Dude, that was supposed to be clever plot device in the final episode! You gave me away.
      Bad form.
      (I'm coming with my axe...)

      Delete
  36. O.K. You asked for for my take, your going to get it.
    This is Kyle, The Middle Brother.
    Brett is... Smart, witty, sometimes humorous, creepy, always appreciative of a good meal, allergic to scented candles, lazy yet somehow a hard worker, adventurous yet too old and fat to keep up with me, annoying, fun to be around, generous, a people person but doesn't like people, a linguist yet still talks like a hick, worped, not a dancer, a practical joker, clever, and has awesome brothers.
    Oh, yeah, he does have a red head fetish. And a red head in a ball cap will send him over the edge.
    Brett is very deep. I find it interesting that he would take the time to write all these comments and post them under other peoples names. He did make himself sound pretty awesome though. Got to give him creativity points for that.
    Brett and myself have been very close most of our lives, and I can tell you with confidence, he has never killed anyone with an ax. He did come at me with a bat one time though. But he was just trying to see if I could defend myself against a bat attack. I thought I did pretty good, only ended up with a cracked rib, brused forearm and a bloody nose. The same tactics would work with an axe attack as well. So, you could say that he has helped train people to defend themselves AGAINST ax murderers.
    I can honestly say, Brett does not have the personality of an ax murderer. Of the ones I've known (3 to be exact), they have been a lot more "stand offish", an not very confident. They had a hard time looking you in the eye and they all still lived with there mother, even if Larry's was dead in the back room. Besides, Brett's back couldn't take to much swinging of an ax.
    I was the one that caught Brett before he did a faceplant into the tailgate of the truck in the above blog. And carried him when he just about passed out from blood loss. This really did happen, along with all the other stories he has told, and there are countless more. It really doesn't matter what I say, it's my actions that will speek the loudest. I considered him worth saving, so that should say something.

    Kyle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was awesome. Thank you. I was wondering what you were going to chime in with. Thank you for preventing further head trauma that day. We have had a lot of fun together.

      Delete
    2. Awww (to your final comment)...thanks for the input. As an fyi, I don't cook - to me, putting a frozen pizza in the oven is the height of culinary expertise (I probably could, but would rather not). But I do bake. I wasn't kidding about the cookies.

      I got all my dancing out of my system in college, and now would rather hang out and talk. I wear a ball-cap to cover bed-head...but not usually out in public.

      On a side note, glad to know that Kyle is "the middle brother". The middle child in my family is my arch-nemesis and I think I might have cried a little to find out that Brett is a middle child! (no offence, Kyle)

      Delete
    3. I am the oldest child and it has been that way as long as I can remember.

      We eat our share of frozen pizza, but I whip the cookbook out every now and then to see what recipe I can tackle. I'm a single dad. I kind of have to. I read somewhere that growing kids need to eat more than hot dogs and cold cereal every day.

      Delete
  37. I'd have to vouch for people thinking you're a murderer. You get all of the credit, with none of the jail. How else can you instill this type of fear and mystery without spending a dime? I'd love for people to believe I'm a killer. I would totally steal food from their refrigerators and then ask, "What? Do you have a problem with this? I'd hate to have to kill you." with a wink, so they can't tell if I'm joking or not.

    Don't let that reputation go! It's money in the bank.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our fan base has exploded with growth. I think were are on to something. I just have to develop it to work in the real world.

      Delete
    2. Thank you Sedge! It's nice to have my overactive imagination appreciated! All this love for Brett, and everyone making me out to be the crazy one. Who'da thunk?

      ...now where did I put that axe?

      Delete
  38. I'm still not convinced you're not an axe murderer. This entire post is exactly what an axe murderer would say to try and convince me that he wasn't one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the act doesn't work on everyone.

      Delete
    2. I'll have to start carrying an axe of my own.

      Delete
  39. Wow, holy blog comments, batman!!

    First, I must say that I am insanely jealous that you will be meeting my home girl, Jen. Insanely!!

    Second, I can't help but get a vibe from all these comments of the neighbors of the psychotic killer with 23 bodies buried in the basement, that get interviewed and talk about "what a nice boy" he was and "quiet" and "what a surprise" as it seemed like he "wouldn't hurt a fly." Just saying. Beware, Red. Be very ware. :)

    I feel like we are all watching some crazy dating reality show between the 2 of you. Hope you guys have better luck than those boobs on The Bachelor!!

    Oh, and your parents are hysterical. Mine wouldn't even know how to type a comment. And they are great!! I think that pretty much tells you all you need to know . . . unless they are also ax-murderers. Like a whole family of them. Then, you're pretty much screwed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comment reminds me of one of my daughters favorite movies The Hamiltons. It's about a family of crazed, psycho, sociopaths that live in the suburbs, but are very good at keeping their dark sides secret. Very dark movie.

      I definitely get my sense of humor from my parents. We laughed a lot growing up.

      Delete
    2. Thank you! My point exactly. But like I said, he's a good sport about my insanity, so *I* won't be the one to blow holes in all this testimony.

      Delete
    3. I can feel my head starting to swell. I have a big name to live up to now.

      Delete
  40. I just wanted to say that I love your blog. I found it last night and I haven't really stopped reading since (except to sleep). It's like a good book; I lack the ability to stop reading until there's nothing left to read. haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for coming to check it out. I love to hear that people enjoy what I am writing.

      I don't know if you have noticed yet, but I don't follow much of a theme.

      Delete
  41. I laughed out loud at this, and considering the day I have had, that was quite and accomplishment. Even though I have never met you, I would vouch for you. I have an excellent instinct for people, unless I am dating them, then it is a crap shoot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A lot of people have the same problem. I had a friend in my 20's that was awesome at giving relationship advice. Everything he said was gold and ALWAYS worked, but his love life was a mess.

      I am glad you enjoyed you enjoyed it. I hope the rest of your night goes better.

      Delete
  42. Brett has never shown signs of being crazy, aside from coming over to my house every other week to beat me up, or talk me into biting a complete stranger in the neck for a picture and then forgetting to save it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is Isaac, Brett's nephew.

      Delete
    2. If your phone worked like a normal person, then it would have been saved. It was an awesome picture. Thank you.

      When was your last beating?

      Delete
  43. Wow, take a break for a couple of days and miss all kind of stuff! An axe murderer...really? Well, I must say, it is an interesting post and I really need to stay on top of things like this!

    The new Blogger style has me really confused, too...I am so lost!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought I better address this before it went too far.

      You must have a beta. Nothing on mine has changed.

      Delete
    2. I now see what you were saying. It takes a little getting used to. It really threw me at first.

      Delete
  44. Hi, I am Bretts best friends sisters next door neighbors lodgers aunties second cousins dog.

    Someone told me that I should come here and say why I like him.

    He once gave me a bone.
    I'm not sure where he got it from but it was huge and very fresh.

    ReplyDelete
  45. AAAAhhh! Now I understand! Red, Brett and I grew up together--not in the same house, but in the same town. Well, not technically the exact town but point is we did and I'll tell you he's tons of fun and while "safe" might not be the right word, as he's quite adventurous, I'll put it like Narnia.
    "He's not safe, but he's good." :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. That was a long time ago. I watch your vlogs now and wonder where that thick Southern accent came from.

      Not safe, but good will do.

      Delete
  46. An axe to the front face is enough to deter most

    But are you over compensating....? :p

    ReplyDelete
  47. I think Brett is a trustworthy guy. But I also think you should be very careful unless he talks about shoes a lot. Guys who talk about shoes are basically harmless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That may help my image, but I have no interest in shoes. Sorry. I think I own three pair.

      Delete
  48. Brett, I have known your for more than a few years, and we have had some good times all throughout my life. I love you and your family, almost as I love my own. If you ever did murder someone with an axe, and I'm not saying you have, then I would help dispose of the body. You are such a good person.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a true friend. Body disposal is a pretty big deal. I love you guys too. Missed you all since you moved away.

      Delete
  49. Wow! Lots of responses. Sorry it took me some time to get on here and vouch. I am the youth group kid. Even though I am not a kid and I don't think I was to much of a kid then. Maybe childish but when you use the word kid it seems to denote age. I'm not to much younger than you, Brett. I was injuried. There was mutual blame I am sure but I don't blame Brett. I never held it against him even though I do like it call it my "Minor surgery." Sorry, it's just funny. It was Minor and caused by a Minor just in case you didn't think it was funny. Wait! It gets better, I was a minor. LOL! I'm just rambling on right now. Brett never killed me with a axe. I am alive. My knee hurts but I'm alive.
    Brett you're a true friend. You set a standard for friends in my life. A friend is someone who changes your life for the better. Thanks for your friendship.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It has been more than a pleasure. Thank you for checking in and giving a good word.

      We need to go back to that Jerusalem Cafe and see if the server will acknowledge you now.

      Delete
    2. That was just strange. I had to get my own drink. I was wearing a pretty big cross. For people that don't know. It wasn't a cross all blinged out like a rapper would wear. It was a cross that was meant to go on a keychain that I made into a necklace by useing a shoe lace. Yes! I know I am strange as well. This is probably why Brett and I get along so well. But, it had to be the necklace right? That's the only reason to completely and utterly deny someone existence right? It was like I was just your imaginary friend or something. Hmm, now I am going to start doubting my own existence. Thanks Brett. I was so over this.

      Delete
  50. Hilarious - what did you do to the kid you injured? Thanks for linking up to #findingthefunny!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was actually an innocent game. It's kind of like arm wrestling except you stand. Pulling on each other's arms, you try to get the other person to move their foot. He started to go down, but in trying to not get eliminated, he refused to move his foot despite the tension it was putting on his knee.

      It snapped and he had to have surgery, miss his senior trip and went to his graduation on crutches.

      Delete
  51. My husband LOVES Dexter, too. Should I be scared? I loved your "redneck first aid" bit. You could probably do a whole post on redneck first aid.

    (Thanks for linking this up to #findingthefunny last week!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The jokes about rednecks and duct tape carries over to first aid as well. My pastor once sunk a hatchet into his shin. He pulled it out and wrapped it with duct tape to finish out the work day.

      Delete
  52. So many comments; you're pretty popular for an ax murderer, or at least someone thinking about it far too much. I've read your blog a few times and should have left comments long before this, but I want to tell you what I'm sure you already know--you're an extremely gifted writer who really knows how to deliver a story, and you have a wicked sense of humor. I hope you'll visit me sometime at Chubby Chatterbox where I focus on Art, Humor and nostalgia. I have a feeling we have much in common. If you do come for a visit, I hope you'll take a moment to press the Join button and I'll return the compliment. Take care, and have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete

Leave a comment. C'MON!!! You're already here. Leave a comment. Don't leave me hanging and wondering if any has ever seen these words. I'll rub your feet.