At Least I'm Gaining Wisdom

If you think that's bad, you should see Jambi

I love those lists that are designed to make you feel old. The ones that tell you how long it has been since something significant happened. For example, everyone knows that Fuller House is on Netflix now, but did you know it has been 21 years since the last episode of Full House? I mean, the Olson twins are 29 years old now. That's crazy.

January 28, 2016 marked thirty years since the Challenger exploded. Michael Jackson's hair caught on fire all the way back in 1984. It's reminders like this that give credence to the saying 'Time flies'. I am halfway through my forties and remember high school like I just left there this morning. Of course, trauma will do that to a person.

With time flying along at breakneck speed, it is not uncommon for someone to occasionally discover that their entire life resembles the opening scene from the movie Up. It just flies by and suddenly you are much older. And getting older has plenty of new adventures (besides wrinkles and devout attention to lawn serenity) that come along with it.

Now, I don't mind getting older. Wrinkles don't bother me and I welcome graying hair. I've never really been one of the cool kids, so I'm not at all concerned with being considered un-hip by the younger generation, but there is one part I could do without.

I am in pain all the time!

Why does everything hurt? Different pains come and go, but I am never completely pain free. I have two bad shoulders that I've been told will eventually have to have surgery. When one of them is acting up, I can't lift my arm without horrible stabbing pain through half my body. I am getting arthritis everywhere. Not just my hands, but everywhere. Today, I can't make a fist with my left hand. It won't close. For three days this week, I couldn't turn my head to the left. Earlier this week, I shot awake in the middle of the night because it felt like an Asian ceremonial elephant carrying a wedding party had stepped on my knee. It came out of nowhere and my knee was swollen for two days.

I'm "I was up all night because of a pain in my toe" years old.

— Minor Character (@brettminor) November 24, 2015

My ankle will swell up and get bruised for no reason. I've thrown out my back opening the refrigerator door and I once pulled a muscle in my neck while I was flossing. I need about 10 minutes notice before I get out of bed to give my body time to psych itself up and my legs fall asleep 15 seconds after sitting on the toilet.  I have no idea what is going on, but think it is all tied to my age.

My shoulder feels like it's trying to gnaw its way off of my body. Is this what getting old feels like?

— Minor Character (@brettminor) February 11, 2016

Add these aches and pains to the fact that I have a fairly physical job and I can't help but laugh at how broken I feel. I remember the good old days when I could break my leg jumping out of a moving car and it would be healed before dinner that night. Today, a paper cut is almost guaranteed an infection and will fester up to look like a gunshot wound before I can get it under control.

Sleeping pills combined with painkillers have become my favorite after dinner snack to help me get through the nights and I am beginning to have an opinion on the controversial medical marijuana issue. I don't know what all it's supposed to be good for, but if it would help with all these pains, let's light 'em up. Hopefully, there will be a delivery service within the next few years like there is for pizza.