BACON: The Main Reason I am Not a Vegetarian

 Thank you, Ian Cates for this blog topic. Suggestion given when I wrote What Am I Supposed to Write?

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There are many things that bring me pleasure in life. It is healthy to occasionally reflect on the blessings you have. Here is a small list of things that make me happy.

Days I don't have to go to work

Getting a new Netflix movie in the mail

No longer having to use a dial-up Internet connection

Being seen by someone I know in Wal-Mart who then does NOT feel the need to come talk to me

Playing with Bubble Wrap

 Getting a good parking space

The sound of no one knocking on my door

Anything involving BACON!!!

I think the hardest part about being a vegetarian
would be hiding my bacon from my vegetarian girlfriend.

Bacon is one of God's greatest gifts to mankind. It was so special, He made his followers wait thousands of years before they were allowed to eat it. According to Old Testament law, pigs were one of the many animals that were considered unclean. When God lifted the ban on unclean animals to Peter in the Book of Acts, Peter had no idea the treat he was now in for. For the first time, we could eat BACON!!!

Life just wouldn't be the same without it. Frying bacon is one of those smells that will pull a person out of a deep sleep and wandering into the kitchen. The sound of it popping as it fries in the skillet makes your mouth water. Nothing else tastes like bacon. It just may be nature's most perfect food.

Before we go any further, I want to make it clear what I am talking about here. There is no other animal from which you can make bacon but a pig. I know you can buy a pseudo-product in the store called turkey 'bacon.' That is not bacon. It may have a few similarities, but it is not bacon. It doesn't fry right, smell right and definitely does not taste like the REAL bacon. Bacon, by definition, is a pork product. For the remainder of this blog, keep in mind that when I use the term bacon, it is to refer to the only true bacon. It does not involve any product made with turkey, chicken, beef, kittens or soy. Now let's move on.

This man knew the value of bacon

One of my favorite authors, Lewis Grizzard, wrote a book about his heart valve replacement surgery. When the doctor's told him that his heart valve would be replaced with a valve from a pig's heart, his first thought was, "Will I still enjoy bacon?" If part of your body has been replaced with pig parts, is it even right to continue to eat the animal? He never did decide if it was right or wrong, but knew he would never give up bacon. If it happened to me, I would always wonder if I had ever eaten from the same animal that was now also part of my body. What would you call that? Is that cannibalism? Does that only apply to humans? Is it still cannibalism if you eat part of your own body? If so, does chewing your nails make you a cannibal? 

Regardless of the ethics behind potential cannibalism, bacon is not to be taken lightly. In fact, in the last decade bacon has started to appear in all sorts of places that it hadn't been considered before.

Chocolate chip bacon cookies!!!
Is there anything that bacon cannot do?

I have seen bacon brownies, maple bacon lollipops, bacon pizza, bacon coffee and bacon scented candles. Last March, Denny's restaurants (jumping on the bacon bandwagon) started serving a maple bacon sundae. Bacon is everywhere and it is here to stay. Not that I am complaining. I would put bacon on everything if it were not for the serious health repercussions that would go along with it. However, it would almost be worth it.

You know that place in your head you go to when things are really stressful or too much to take in the real world? For some, it is sitting on the beach with some fruity drink in their hand. For others, they go back to a favorite childhood memory. For most, it is some quiet, safe place that makes them feel warm and fuzzy. That special place in my psyche is an image of me eating a plate full of bacon with grease dribbling down my chin. I have all the fixin's on the table in front of me to make bacon cheeseburgers and fat BLTs (light on the tomato, heavy on the bacon). Tia Carrere is also there, but just to help me make sandwiches. She doesn't get any. It is the way I imagine heaven to be, but with no cholesterol.